


haikyuu oneshots

by riverdrabbles



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Oneshot, one shots, some nsfw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:40:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 64,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29847876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riverdrabbles/pseuds/riverdrabbles
Summary: a collection of oneshots i've written!
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Takeda Ittetsu/Ukai Keishin, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 56





	1. 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰

what's up!  
i'm river, you can call me riv! i've been writing fanfiction since i was 12 and im now 18 and still kinda suck at it-

but oh well. this fic is just a collection of haikyuu oneshots ive written over the last half a year or so, i mainly post on instagram though. i have a drabbles acc on there as well as tumblr! the handle is @riverdrabbles and i also have a haikyuu band/restaurant au going on on @riverhqau on insta as well!! so feel free to check it out! (im more active on insta tbf)

but anyway hope you enjoy my content!  
feel free to leave a vote as well as comment, those mean a hecking lot as well :D

notes:  
\- all trigger warnings will be written before the oneshot  
\- nsfw will be noted please don't read if not comfortable  
\- if you dont like the pairing, just skip, no need to bash on other ships


	2. 𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘱𝘢 - 𝘣𝘰𝘬𝘶𝘢𝘬𝘢

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: bokuaka | bokuto koutaro x akaashi keiji  
> word count: 2175  
> note: based on @maddox_rider's bokuaka family au :)  
> type: fluff

\------------------

"Bokuto-san!" Hinata's cheery voice rang out in the gym, "Your phone's ringing!" Bokuto stopped his serving practice and jogged to where Hinata was. "Thanks owl son!"

It was a chilly November Thursday, Bokuto has his regular training, it sucks not being able to stay home and take care of his twins and of course, his Akaashi, but it was no doubt that he loved volleyball.

He smiled as he saw Akaashi's name on his phone screen and cheerfully took the phone, "Hey babe what's up?"

"Dada!" Bokuto was welcomed with one of the twin's screaming voice instead. "What's wrong buddy? Do you want to give your phone to papa?"

"Papa icky!" The other twin butted in, probably Sora, who had Bokuto's impatience. Bokuto could practically imagine big tears welling up in both of their eyes. "Hey hey, it's okay. Dada's coming back right now alright?" His heart was beating fast but he needed to keep his act together for the twins. He called Kuroo, who should be on vacation with Kenma to be on the phone with them as he hung up and started packing up.

Bokuto was worried. Akaashi rarely falls ill and if he does, it's usually something real bad. And Bokuto being Bokuto, overreacts and will smother Akaashi (usually to a point where Akaashi is annoyed) until he is well.

"Coach!" Bokuto yelled out, kicking off his training shoes and shoving them in his duffel bag. "Kids need me! Sorry for ditching!" He yelled and ran out the door, ignoring his coach's objection.

Kuroo had texted him the minute he got into his car, saying the twins were fine, just a bit worried and told him that Kuroo would stay on the phone with them while Bokuto drove home (safety first kids).

After most definitely breaking the speed limit, he pulled up to the driveway and busted through the door. The twins ran out of Akaashi and Bokuto's room, almost tripping over themselves as they straight up crashed into Bokuto's legs.

"Dada!!" They both exclaimed, clinging onto Bokuto's leg. Bokuto quickly scooped up the two, one on each arm, and rushed into their room.

Akaashi was sitting at his desk, his back against the three of the Bokutos as he furiously typed away on his computer. Bokuto gently set down the twins on their bed before making his way over to Akaashi.

"Baby?" He spun Akaashi's seat, almost sending the smaller man flying. "The kids said you were feeling sick, you shouldn't be working, get in bed now. Oh god, do you need medicine? You probably do, let me get it in the cabinet for you. Wait, do you have a cough? Sneezes? Migraines? You always get these awful migraines when you overwork yourself. Do you need to go to the hospital? Sh- ah language Bokuto, I'll call Osamu to babysit the kids, or should I call Saku-"

"Babe, I love you but shut up please." Akaashi slammed a hand over Bokuto's mouth. "I'm fine, it's just a little headache." Bokuto sent a questioning glance to Akaashi. "Also why are you home? Don't you have practice? You have a game coming up."

Bokuto was about to protest before he got interrupted. "Papa icky in bathroom!" Sora said, managing to string the words into a sentence, with the help of a lot of arm-flailing.

"Upset tummy?" Bokuto asked, his hand flying to his lover's stomach, gently pressing on it. Akaashi couldn't help but wince and hunch over, breaking Bokuto's heart in the process.

"Alright, no work for you. Back to bed you go." Bokuto slipped one hand under Akaashi's legs and one behind his back, easily lifting up his husband, who let out a small yelp when he got picked up.

"Kou, put me down, I have way too much to do..." He tried to object but Bokuto just laid him on their bed, tucking him in.

"The only thing you will be doing now is sleep and rest. Practice can wait, I'll take care of the kids today, you just focus on getting better alright?"

Akaashi was feeling too sick to even put up a fight, he nodded and rolled over, falling asleep almost instantly.

The twins were on the bed, their gaze never leaving their Papa, who was so different from the strong and awesome Papa who made them dinner and played Tickle Monster with.

"Dada?" Bokuto looked over, his heart melting at the sight of the twins. "Your Papa is going to be okay, but he needs to rest for a bit. So we need to be quiet and let Papa sleep okay?"

Both of them nodded so hard Bokuto was a bit worried if their necks would snap from the force. He once again scooped them up, not forgetting to kiss his husband on the forehead, frowning when he realized the poor man was also burning up, and left the room.

"You guys stay here for a bit. Daddy's gonna go get a towel for papa alright?" The twins nodded, it was weird seeing them so obedient and quiet, usually the Bokuto household is filled with giggles and the twins' cute screaming, now that it's quiet, Bokuto found it weird.

He grabbed a towel and ran a small basin of warm water, gently soaking the towel and squeezing the extra water out. He carried the basin and the towel into their room and set it on the bedside table.

"Go back to sleep baby." He muttered as Akaashi stirred in his sleep while Bokuto gently wiped the sweat-beads on the former's face. He was sweating so much his fringe was sticking onto his forehead, his nose red and dark circles surrounding his eyes. Bokuto's heart broke at the sight, why hasn't he noticed how tired his husband was?

He left a small peck on Akaashi's lips, closed the blinds, and switched off the light, letting Akaashi get the rest he deserves. The twins were playing with their toy trucks in the living room, eyes immediately gluing to Bokuto once he entered.

"Now Papa needs his sleep cause he is not feeling too good at the moment. So why don't we make Papa some soup to make him feel better!" Bokuto said, kneeling to the level of the twins, who nodded again and made grabby hands at their father.

"Chicken soup?" Kousho said, head tilted to one side. "That's a very good idea Sho. Do you guys want to help?" Both of them nodded so Bokuto grabbed two stools and set them by the kitchen counter.

Bokuto found some chicken in the freezer and left it in a bowl of water to unfreeze, the twins stood on the stool, their eyes never leaving their dad.

"Alright, who wants to pour some water into this big pot?" Both the twins' hands shot up, whining and blabbering how they should be the one.

"Okay okay you two, how bout you take turns. Sho can go first, show your brother how it's done." Despite having Bokuto's wild hair color, Kousho is more like Akaashi, quiet and calm while Akasora, looking almost like a mini Akaashi, acts exactly like Bokuto, loud and very energetic.

With the help of Bokuto, the twins managed to finish pouring the water into the pot, miraculously not spilling water everywhere. "Alright you two go play for a bit, I'll continue to finish the soup." He let the twins down and they scurried off to their little corner with their table.

Bokuto was stirring the soup, the familiar smell of chicken soup filling up the kitchen when he felt a small tug on the hem of his sweatpants.

"Dada, write Keiji." It was Sora, holding out a piece of paper. On it was a messily drawn face, and Bokuto could barely make out a figure lying on a surface with a sad frown on his face.

"You guys making get well soon cards for Papa?" He walked over to the small table, Kousho has a similar drawing, with messy hiragana written on the paper but Bokuto was sure Akaashi would love it.

"Alright let me get back to the soup and I'll teach you guys how to write Papa's name." Bokuto quickly went back and tasted the soup, just like his mother's, covered the lid and turned off the heat.

The twins were sat by the table, crayons ready and looking eagerly at their dad. "Alright since Sho went first with the soup, I'll help Sora first this time." The twins seemed to agree as Sora flashed his famous toothy grin at Bokuto and happily let Bokuto teach their hands to write Akaashi's first name.

After mumbling why does his husband's kanji first name require so many strokes, both twins' cards were made and decorated. They might have made a slight glitter mess but Bokuto had already cleaned it up.

Seeing that Akaashi has almost napped for two hours, Bokuto grabbed some cold medicine from the cabinet and went into their room.

"Keiji, baby how you feeling?" Bokuto sat by Akaashi's side, his hand gently patting Akaashi, who rubbed his eyes and his hand found Bokuto's.

"Ow." He winced, his body curling up and burying his face into the pillow, and let out a wracking cough.

"God baby, I'm so sorry for not coming home sooner." Bokuto could only try to soothe his lover's pain by rubbing his back and stomach. "I know you still need sleep but I don't think you've eaten anything today yet. The twins made you some soup. How 'bout we drink some of that and take this medicine and you can go back to bed yeah? Sounds good?"

Akaashi nodded and wobbly sat up, Bokuto's arms immediately wrapping around his waist and supporting him. "You good with walking?" And Bokuto's answer was a small nod.

The pair made their way to the kitchen and Bokuto filled a bowl with his chicken soup as Akaashi sat down by the table. "Drink up babe."

Akaashi couldn't even lift up the spoon without shaking so Bokuto took it upon himself to feed the man. "Now open wide! Here comes the airplane!"

"Kou, I'm not two."

"Papa?" Sho's voice was soft, tugging on Akaashi's sweatpants. "Here." Stuffing a crumbly piece of paper into Akaashi's hand, and on it was a messily written kanji character of his name and four stick figures, two with wild black and white hair and two with black hair. On top of the paper was a messily scribbled "Get well soon."

"Is this for me?" Sho nodded. "Thanks buddy," Akaashi said as enthusiastically as he can.

"Sora has one too but the poor kid fell asleep while waiting," Bokuto mentioned, continuing feeding Akaashi his soup.

"I'm full," Akaashi said, turning his head away. His stomach was gurgling and he worried he would puke all over Bokuto if he managed to stomach any more food.

"Okay then, at least take some medicine." Bokuto handed two pills to Akaashi who swallowed them without a fight. "Alright back to bed." They made their way back to the bedroom, Bokuto tucking him in and always remembering to give a kiss on Akaashi's forehead.

Bokuto was about to leave when Akaashi's hand lingered on his, pulling him back. "Stay." The latter said, which made Bokuto smile. "I'll go put Sho down for naptime and then I'll be back and we can cuddle okay?"

At lightning speed, he picked Sho up from the living room and set the smaller child on the bee. "Will Papa get better?" He asked.

"Now that he drank the soup you made and have your card, he'll get better in no time." Sho seemed happy with the answer so Bokuto tucked him in, wrapping Sho's small arms around the cuddled stuffed owl that Uncle Kuroo (or Uncle Hair as the kids like to call him) had gotten when the twins were born, and fell asleep.

Bokuto pecked both the twin's foreheads, making sure they are all cuddled up in their blankets and was about to leave the room until he heard Sho behind him.

"Dada! Sleep with Papa?" Sho's eyes wide, hands extending forward to make grabby hands. "Aw I'm sorry sweetie, I don't want you kids to get sick too alright? But I promise once Papa gets better, he will give you all the cuddles you want alright!"

Kousho pouted but agreed, shuffling back into the covers and falling asleep next to Sora.

"Alright baby, here are the cuddles you ordered," Bokuto said as he slipped into bed with Akaashi, who shuffled closer to Bokuto and buried his head into Bokuto's chest. "I missed you." He said. It was always surprising how cuddly Akaashi becomes when he gets sick, not that Bokuto minds, but he would be much happier to see his husband well instead of shivering like a small leaf.

"I missed you too, now go back to bed." Akaashi nodded, and both of them let sleep take over them.

\------------------


	3. 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘣𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘬𝘦𝘯𝘮𝘢 - 𝘬𝘶𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘯

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: kuroken | kuroo tetsuro x kozume kenma  
> word count: 1970  
> note: one-shot dedicated to kenma's birthday :D  
> type: fluff

\------------------

"Kenma."

"Stop."

"Kenmaaaa."

"Go away."

Kuroo let out a defeated huff, slumping back in his bed. "If you don't come with me, I'll call Lev." That got Kenma scrambling out of his chair and falling straight onto the ground.

"Ow," Kenma said. "Kuroo, stop laughing." Kuroo was on the bed, clutching his stomach as loud chuckles erupt from his mouth. Once Kuroo had finally gotten his laughter under control, he rolled out of bed, plopped Kenma on the bed, and said, "C'mon get changed, we're going out."

"I don't want to."

"But you do though."

"I make the rules, it's my birthday today."

"But Kenmaaaaa!" Kuroo whined, poking at Kenma's side, knowing he is quite ticklish there. A smile broke on Kenma's face as he squirmed on the bed, trying to wiggle out of Kuroo's grasp.

"Kuroo stop!" He said in the middle of a fit of giggles. Kuroo loves Kenma's giggles, it's not every day you get to hear such a wonderful sound. Kuroo had Kenma pinned down on the bed with his arms above his head, the captain hovering over his boyfriend's entire body as he slowly narrowed the distance between them.

"Oh yeah, my beautiful boyfriend." A peck on the cheek. "Happy." Peck on the other cheek. "Birthday." A peck on the lips.

"Be honest, did you forget my birthday," Kenma said, his eyebrows furrowed, he knew Kuroo didn't forget, as he didn't forget for the past 10 birthdays, he was just teasing him.

And Kuroo, being the drama queen he is, sat up from the bed, a hand over his heart and pretended to wipe a fake tear in his eyes with the other, "12 years of friendship, and you think I will forget my boyfriend's birthday. I am hurt, Kozume."

"Okay okay, I'm just messing around." Kenma chuckled, sitting up and leaning against the backboard. "Can we just stay home, please?"

"But I have something planned for today!" Kuroo pouted, his eyes wide and bottom lip stuck out as he gave his best puppy dog (or should I say cat?) eyes to Kenma.

 _Oh no. The pouty face, not the pouty face. I can't fight the pouty face._ Shit, alright. "Fine. But no surprises."

"Kenma, I've known you for 12 years, I know you hate surprises and I definitely won't forget the time you slapped me when I gave you a surprise birthday party," Kuroo said, squishing both of Kenma's cheeks together. "Get changed, I'm gonna take you somewhere."

Kuroo shuffled out of the room, knowing Kenma still gets a little self-conscious around him. He packed the things he needed for tonight, not forgetting to pack an extra jacket cause Kenma usually forgets and ended up taking Kuroo's which makes Kuroo cold, and no one wants that.

"I'm ready." Kenma had on a button-up shirt, with a sweater (Kuroo's sweater but no one knows that) over it, black skinny jeans with a chain dangling on the side, and a bucket hat.

Kuroo swore he saw an angel. "Snap out of it Kuroo, let's go," Kenma said, slipping on his shoes and opening the door. "Right, coming right now."

"Where are we going?" Kenma said as Kuroo called a cab and they got in. "You'll know soon." Kuroo then turned to the driver and showed him a piece of paper, most probably with the destination scribbled on it. "If you bring me to a haunted mansion I will chop you up into pieces and cook you and feed Apple Pie for dinner," Kenma said, despite that gruesome statement, his arm sneaked around Kuroo's, linking their arms and leaning against the other's shoulder.

"Kenma. I hate haunted mansions. I peed myself once when I went with Bokuto," Kuroo said with a straight face, causing the driver who was driving to snicker. The two sat in silence for the majority of the ride, Kenma on his switch and Kuroo looking out the window.

As the cab turned a corner, Kuroo grabbed something from his bag, and Kenma's eyes widened as he saw the object.

"A little inappropriate to do that in a cab though."

"Kenma! Get your head out of the gutter!"

"Then tell me why are you holding out your tie and turning me around?"

"Just let me tie this on you!" Kenma sighed but complied, letting Kuroo tie the tie around his head and covering his eyes. Kuroo had to reassure the driver that they weren't going to suddenly strip in front of the poor driver but the cab soon came to a stop and Kuroo guided Kenma out.

Kenma could hear children screaming, parents yelling after said children, stupid elevator music and just noise in general. "Kuroo, where the fuck am I."

"Relax kitten, I'm not going to bring you to a place where you aren't comfortable alright? Just trust me for now." Kenma honestly had no clue where he is or what they will be doing, he is just praying to whoever is listening that Kuroo wouldn't bring him to some random place and leave him there.

"Uh I called on the phone?." Some shuffling. "Yeah Kuroo Tetsurou, is the place ready?" He heard more shuffling and Kuroo let go of his hand, which made Kenma grab onto Kuroo's whatever is nearest to him, which turned out to be the hem of his shirt. "I'm here, not leaving you, just had to grab my wallet." Kuroo assured him.

Once Kuroo did whatever he did, his hand intertwined back with Kenma's and Kenma felt much safer now that he is holding Kuroo's hand. "Alright baby, walk with me." The two walked past a gate, shuffling through a crowd of people, Kuroo's hand tight on Kenma's, and finally after numerous "Excuse me"s and "Sorry"s, they made it out alive and walked into some sort of room.

"I'm gonna take this down alright? Don't worry nothing is gonna jump out I promise." Kenma hesitated. "If something really jumps out I will let you slap me."

Kenma took off his mask and his jaw dropped. _That romantic bastard_ , He thought to himself.

They were in an room of an aquarium, a big glass window on the side that allowed the two to look into the tank of the aquarium. There were fish _everywhere_ , probably over thousands of fish just swimming in the tank.

"You brought me to Shinagawa (a famous aquarium in Tokyo)?" Kenma said in awe, his face pressed to the glass as he stared at the fish. "You always said you wanted to come so I decided why not celebrate your 18th birthday here?" Kuroo said, his arm around Kenma's waist. "Also stop looking at the fish for a moment, I spent like two days decorating this room, please look at that too."

Kenma chuckled and turned around, and as Kuroo had said, the room was very well decorated. Fairy lights surround the room on the walls, a table in the middle of the room, and a banner that said "Happy Birthday Kenma!" in very distinct Akaashi's handwriting hung in the centre on one of the walls.  
"How did you get Akaashi-san to write this?" Kenma asked, looking back at Kuroo who was leaning against the big glass window (he probablys shouldn't) and was staring directly at Kenma.

"I just mentioned it was for your birthday and he agreed." Kenma blushed, walked towards Kuroo and sheepishly wrapped his arms around him. "Thank you Tetsurou." He said, his voice muffled by his face being pressed to Kuroo's chest but Kuroo could made out what he said without difficulty.

"Anytime baby." Kuroo then pulled away from Kenma and his hands linked with Kenma's. "I invited some of your friends to join us, is that alright with you?" Kenma nodded and Kuroo flashed his grin, opening the door.

"Kenma!" Hinata's voice was as cheery as ever, bouncing and hopping into the room. A rather grumpy Kageyama behind him accompanied him, hands in his pockets as he gave a nod to Kenma. "Happy birthday!" Hinata said, shoving a box into Kenma's hands.

"You didn't have to Shoyo." Kenma said, a blush forming on his face.

"Nonsense! It's your birthday! Kageyama chose it with me!" Hinata said with a smile. Kenma peeked into the box and smiled, it was a pair of cat slippers, with cat ears in the front and a cat with an expressionless face sewn on. "Thanks Shoyo, I really like it."

"Kenma-san." Kenma turned around and saw Akaashi with Bokuto, the latter looking like a 6-year old who saw the aquarium for the first time. Kenma doesn't blame him, he had a similar reaction anyway.

"Happy birthday." Akaashi said, handing Kenma a bag. "Open it when you get home." And send him a wink before leaving.

Some more people arrived, not too many, mainly people Kenma knew and trusted. Inuoka, Yaku and Lev showed up, so did Suga and Daichi, followed by an awkward Asahi. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi couldn't make it cause they had a test the coming Monday (Kageyama and Hinata did too but "studying" doesn't exist in their vocabulary). Soon, the table was filled with people and Kuroo went and told the servers who soon came to them with food.

Lunch was eventful, they played Truth or Dare, as original as it sounds. Hinata had to lick the glass, Daichi prank called Takeda-sensei, Lev had to roll on the ground, and apparently Inuoka's first kiss was a dog. The plates went from full to empty and the boys leaned back against their seats.

Everyone was having a great time when suddenly the lights went off, the room pitch black. Kenma's first reaction was to grab Kuroo but it was then he realized Kuroo wasn't there. The chair next to him was empty and Kuroo was gone.  
"Don't kill me please I'm too young!" Kenma could hear Bokuto screaming near him, followed by a slap which probably means Akaashi slapped his mouth shut.

"Happy birthday to you." Faint light came from the back of the room. Kenma let out a breath he didn't know he was holding when he saw Kuroo holding a cake, candles lit as he walked towards the table. "Happy birthday to Kenma, happy birthday to you."

The group erupted in cheers and Kuroo set the cake in front of Kenma. It was shaped like pudding, resembling Kenma's hair, an ongoing joke between the Nekoma volleyball team. "Make a wish!" They chanted.

"Don't say it out loud or it won't come true!" Kuroo said, pulling out his phone to record.

Kenma closed his eyes and made the wish, I wish to spend every birthday with Tetsurou. He opened his eyes and blew out the candles. The rest of the day went by rather quickly, they walked around the aquarium, Kenma got to feed the penguins, Lev almost fell into the fish tank, Suga had Daichi touch a stingray.

It was late when the boys left the aquarium, and Kenma had fallen asleep on Kuroo during the car ride back, so Kuroo carried him back to his room, ignoring the wiggly eyebrows Mrs Kozume was giving him when he entered the house.

Kuroo laid Kenma down on his bed, taking off his shoes and socks since he knew he hated sleeping in them. He changed into more comfy sweatpants (Kuroo probably has half his wardrobe over at Kenma's from the times he slept over) and got into bed.

As if it was instinct, Kenma curled closer to Kuroo and Kuroo gladly wrapped his arms around his waist. Their faces close together and Kuroo gently kissed Kenma's forehead.

"Happy birthday baby."

Unnoticed by Kuroo, Kenma's lips curved into a smile as he let Kuroo's warmth drive him to sleep.

\------------------


	4. 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘬𝘺𝘶𝘶 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 - 𝘥𝘢𝘪𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘢

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: daisuga | sawamura daichi x sugawara koushi  
> word count: 1814  
> type: fluff

\------------------

"Tsukishima Kei if you whack that dinosaur on Tobio again I will lock you in the play pen and take away all your dinosaurs." Suga sighed, rubbing his temples as the blonde-haired kid pouted and put the figure down, not before giving a glare to Kageyama.

"Suga-sama!" Hinata, 4, who was having the time of his life, and to Suga's horror, was about to put a red crayon in his mouth. "Do you want some?"

"No Shoyo, I don't want to eat crayons, and you shouldn't too, or else your tummy is going to hurt and your father would kill me." Suga ran over and yanked the crayon out of the boy's hand. "Tadashi-kun, please keep an eye on Shoyo to make sure he doesn't put anything in his mouth please?" The green-haired boy gave Suga a smile and went on to sit by the library corner, keeping an eye on Hinata as he promised.

Suga sighed as the chaos slightly calmed down at the daycare. He's been running this daycare center for almost 2 years now, along with his friend Asahi, who had to take a day off cause he caught a cold from being forced to skinny dip with Noya in the middle of October.

It was really a normal day at the daycare, Tsukishima and Kageyama starting world war (insert a number of your choice, Suga honestly lost count of how many times they had fought), Hinata putting random things in his mouth and Yamaguchi being a good and calm kid until having to talk to the group. The kids were about to go on their daily walk, which would be a challenge since Asahi wasn't there. The kids weren't scared of Asahi, heck Suga isn't really sure if it was Asahi being scared of the kids or the kids being scared of Asahi. But it was normally safer for two to take them out on a walk instead of one person. But the kids were getting restless and irritated from being stuck inside all day, Suga had to take them out.

"Alright kids, put on your hats and change your shoes, we're going out now!" Suga called out, stuffing water bottles, towels, extra shirts in case someone pukes on themselves (not the first time it happened) into his handy bag and changing out of his indoor shoes.

"Now before you forget, Asahi-san isn't here so please, for the sake of his Jesus beard and hair, don't let go of each other's hand alright?" Suga said as the four kids finished changing their shoes.

"I don't wanna hold Kei's hand! He looks like a giraffe!" Kageyama whined, maintaining distance between the blonde and himself.

"You look like a blueberry!" Tsukishima (tried to) fought back, crossing his arms over his chest, well as best as a 4-year old could.

"Fine, fine. Tobio you're holding onto me. Hinata, you hold on to Tobio. Kei you can be on my right and Tadashi, you hold onto Kei." The kids got into their respective positions, linking up their hands and Suga pushed open the door.

Suga felt like he was walking four different breeds of dogs. They were "ooh"ing and "aah"ing over every little detail they see, stopping to pick up a leaf or to closely investigate the trail of ants walking past. It has been almost 15 minutes since they left the daycare and they weren't even halfway to their destination.

"Alright, if you guys won't cooperate, we won't be going to the park, instead we'll turn around and we can go back to the daycare alright?" That shut them up. Suga once again held their hands and made their way to the park, Hinata and Kageyama were singing the Pokemon theme song on top of their lungs, earning looks from pedestrians walking past, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi on the other hand were dead silent.

Suga swore it was like heaven and hell taking care of these kids. But he loves them to bits anyway.

The group managed to arrive at the park without any mishaps, Kageyama and Hinata running off to the slides like dogs on a loose leash, Tsukishima made his way to the sandpit and Yamaguchi decided to sit next to Suga.

"Tadashi-kun, why won't you go play with Kei and the others?" Suga asked. Yamaguchi is relatively new to the daycare, compared to the other boys. Hinata and Kageyama were there the longest since Bokuto-san and Oikawa-san were friends of Suga's, when they heard Suga was running a daycare, they had enrolled their boys since their jobs had pretty hectic schedules. Tsukishima enrolled when his parents needed to work overseas a lot, so Suga took him under his wing. Yamaguchi, on the other hand, had lost his parents due to a car accident. Asahi had volunteered to take Yamaguchi in, which he did, but Noya had scared the poor boy so much Asahi had to lock Noya in their room while he calmed Yamaguchi down.

"Suga-sama..." The green-haired boy trailed off, sitting on the bench, fiddling with his fingers and his small legs kicking in the air. "What if they don't like me?"

"Sweetie, they love you, and if they don't, I'll take away their ice cream!" Suga teased, giving a little boop on Yamaguchi's freckled nose. The boy giggled and hesitantly hopped off the bench and wandered off.

With the kids off playing on their own, Suga took his phone out of his pocket and began scrolling through his Instagram, snickering as he saw Oikawa posted a picture of Iwaizumi with his face drawn, most probably by a sharpie. "You're gonna get your ass whooped when Iwazumi-san wakes up" He commented and looked up, just to check on the kids.

Hinata and Kageyama were chasing each other on the playground, Tsukishima playing by himself at the sandpit, and Yamaguchi was sitting next to Tsukishima, not even doing anything. He's literally just sitting there. With the kids settling in the playground and Suga trusting them to take care of themselves and not wander off, Suga continued scrolling through his phone.

Midway of watching a video of an alligator floating past the tank at a weird angle, a rather panicked Tsukishima ran up to Suga. "Suga-sama! Tadashi-chan is gone!" That got Suga's attention. His first instinct was to scan the park, and indeed the green-haired boy was not present.

"Where have you last seen him," Suga asked, and called out for Hinata and Kageyama to round them up.

"I-I don't know! H-he said he saw a dog and he went to chase it but it's been a long time and he hasn't come back!" Suga could see tears welling up in Tsukishima's eyes. The chaotic duo came over and Kageyama, who spotted a teary Tsukishima, immediately said, "You big cry baby!" That only got Tsukishima crying harder.

"Tobio, now is not the time to tease each other alright? Tadashi-kun is lost and we need to go find him." Suga explained, standing up and extending his hand for Kageyama to hold it.

"Tadashi-kun!" Suga yelled out, peering over his shoulder and trying to spot the boy. The kids were also trying their best, calling out Yamaguchi's name as they walked through the streets of Miyagi.

"E-excuse me." Tsukishima suddenly halted in his step. "Have you seen my friend Tadashi?" Suga turned around and found Tsukishima asking a complete stranger.

"Sorry buddy, I haven't." The stranger replied, giving him a sympathetic look and walking away.

Tears were once again threatening to fall from Tsukishima's eyes, he looked at Suga in a panic, his lip quivering, and right that second Suga wanted nothing but to find Yamaguchi.

"Kei! Don't cry, we'll find him!" You would expect this to be said by Hinata but turns out it was Kageyama, who was wiping away the tears from Tsukishima's face. "Tadashi won't leave us!" Tsukishima gave the dark haired boy a nod, followed by Hinata who also gave a very enthusiastic nod. "Hold my hand!" Kageyama suggested, extending his hand and Tsukishima, very surprisingly took it. "We'll find him!"

The four kept on looking and Suga was getting worried since the sun was almost setting. Yamaguchi couldn't have gone far could he? He's only 4.

Then his phone rang. An unknown number. Millions of outcomes ran through Suga's head as he hit the answer button. _If this is a kidnapper, I swear to god I will murder that nasty son of a bit-_

"Hello, uh is this- kid, what's his name again? Oh Suga?"

"Yea, speaking."

"I think someone would be really excited to talk to you."

"SUGA-SAMA!" Yamaguchi's voice was on the other side. "SUGA-SAMA WHERE ARE YOU?" He was evidently crying, his voice cracking at every word.

"Tadashi-kun? Oh my god are you okay?" A weight was lifted off Suga's shoulders when he heard the small boy's voice, the rest of the kids perked up when they heard Suga mention their friend's name and started, literally, climbing on Suga to reach the phone.

"Is that Tadashi? TADASHI WHERE ARE YOU!" Hinata somehow managed to climb onto Suga's back and yelled into the phone.

"Alright alright, wait, let me talk to Tadashi and we'll go get him later okay?" Suga said, trying to calm the three boys who were clinging onto him like a life rope.

"Tadashi-kun, can you please let, uh the man speak?" He heard shuffling on the other side before the same guy with a rather sexy voice (bad timing Suga) reply. "Oh it's the Miyagi Police Department here, my name is Sawamura, I believe young Tadashi here got lost?"

"Thank you so much, we'll come right away." Sawamura replied with the address of the police station they were in and hung up. "Let's go and get Tadashi, shall we?"

-

"Tadashi!" Tsukishima called out as he spotted the green-haired boy sitting on the steps in front of the police station. He let go of Kageyama's hand and immediately ran for the boy. The other two did the exact same, running up to Yamaguchi and crashing into a group hug.

While the kids were having their tearful reunion, Suga was greeted by who he thought and assumed was Sawamura. "Thank you so much Sawamura-san." He bowed.

"It's not a big deal, you got a smart kid there. He didn't know your phone number so he told me the name of the daycare and we soon found the contact info and called you right away." Sawamura chuckled and Suga could feel he was 17 again, a giggly feeling in his stomach.

"Thank you for taking care of Tadashi, Sawamura-san." He said, bowing again. "How can I thank you?"  
"A coffee might be nice."

Despite the whole ordeal probably took 10 years off Suga's life, meeting Sawamura might have just added those 10 years back.

\------------------


	5. 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦 - 𝘪𝘸𝘢𝘰𝘪

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: iwaoi | oikawa tooru x iwaizumi hajime  
> word count: 7119  
> tw: death, hospitals  
> type: angst

\------------------

It began with chest pains. And it went downhill from there.

Hospital visits, nurses' offices, regular checkups, medicine, tests. Iwaizumi is tired. He is done with being stuck in a dull, white hospital room for the millionth time for the month. His teenage years were being stripped away because of his stupid heart. His stupid, stupid heart. He is too young for this shit, having needles sticking in his arm, having that clip on his thumb, monitors beside him.

A few months into this whole ordeal, there was another kid who moved to the room next to Iwazumi's room, Oikana, or Oikuno, or something, Iwaizumi didn't pay attention. One thing Iwaizumi noticed, however, was how annoyingly cheery he is. You could hear him greeting nurses and doctors checking up on him, chatting up literally random people in the ward like it was the easiest thing ever. He looked like he was having the time of his life, ironically in a hospital.

Iwaizumi was sketching in his room, a hobby that he picked up while being stuck in the hospital when Oi-something barged through the door. "Yoohoo, Iwa-chan!" _Why is he so cheery?_

"Who are you?" Iwaizumi asked, not even looking at the boy who was at the door. "It's Oikawa! We're playing Monopoly outside with Kenma and Akaashi, wanna join?" Kenma and Akaashi were two other boys who were stuck in the hospital, Kenma with stage 2 lung cancer and Akaashi was there for a broken spine from a nasty car accident a while back. Iwaizumi avoided social contact, he was dying anyway, why bother making friends when he is just gonna leave them at the end. Or they leave first.

"Not interested." Iwaizumi continued shading the figure he was drawing.

"Whatcha doin?" Oikawa continued, cheerfully hopping into his room much to Iwaizumi's dismay. "Ooh that's a nice drawing," He commented, and not going to lie, Iwaizumi thought so too. It was a rough sketch of a person swinging a baseball bat. Prior to all the heart problems, Iwaizumi was in the baseball team in his high school, might even make captain one day until he collapsed in the middle of practice and all hell broke loose.

"You played?" Oikawa asked, sitting on the plastic chair beside Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi was too tired to shoo him away, he was put on yet another type of medication, and his body was having a hard time trying to adapt to it. He was up all night puking his guts out, and insomnia was one of the side-effects too., so to put it in simpler words: Iwaizumi was feeling like shit. At this point, the doctors were just trying to prolong his life, dragging the process as long as they could. To be completely honest, Iwaizumi wouldn't mind giving up. He had written his stuff down when he was diagnosed, made his plans clear and his parents knew it.

"I used to play volleyball," Oikawa mentioned, crossing his legs and leaning his head back. "Was captain too. Made plans to try out for the national team. Until I started having seizures and whoop-dee-doo, Mr. Oikawa I'm sorry to inform you but you have stage 3 brain cancer." He ended the last part, lowering his voice in an attempt to mock the doctor. That got a chuckle out of Iwaizumi, which made Oikawa literally light up. As in Christmas decorations light up. His eyes were wide and his smile, Iwaizumi wondered if his face hurt after smiling so much.

"You laughed!"

"Shut up." He finished up the figure, and ripped the paper out of the sketchbook, crumpling it up and tossing it in the bin.

"Hey! Don't throw it away, it looked nice!" Oikawa protested, running over to the bin and picking up the paper, spreading it open with his hands.

"There's no use keeping it," Iwaizumi simply said, flipping open a new page and starting his other sketch.

"Well if you're not keeping it, I'm keeping it," Oikawa said with a huff, folding up the paper nicely and stuffing it in his pocket. "Ah crap, I'm late for chemo, gotta go!" And rushed out the door, not forgetting to yell out, "Don't miss me too much!"

The rest of the day went by rather uneventfully, Kenma came in and chatted with Iwaizumi for a bit, talking about the latest games and stuff. Kenma was one of the few people Iwaizumi could tolerate, maybe it was because they both got in at around the same time. As much as Iwaizumi hated to admit it, it was nice having a friend under these shitty circumstances, and Kenma's quiet and reserved personality was just right for Iwaizumi. Unlike some random chestnut-haired boy, who can't stop existing loudly.

The sun went down and the nurses came in and watched Iwaizumi swallow those disgusting pills. They said goodnight and Iwaizumi climbed into bed, checking his phone. He tried not to be jealous, scrolling through his home page on Instagram and seeing his friends have fun, being kids, while he is stuck in a hospital, hooked up to machines, can't even walk without feeling he could collapse and die any second. He decided he should stop making himself feel bad, so he plugged his phone and rolled over, pulling up the covers and headed to bed.

The familiar feeling of nausea woke Iwaizumi up. His hand flew towards his mouth and he tried to hop out of bed as fast as he could. He barely managed to make it to the bathroom when he uncovered his mouth and let the contents splash into the toilet bowl.

He must've been loud cause almost immediately, he heard knocking on the door. "Iwa-chan?"

_Oh no, not him again._

"Go away." Iwaizumi managed to mutter out before another wave hit him, making him continue violently puking his guts out.

"Oh, there you are." A hand landed on Iwaizumi's back. "There, there, let it out. You were so loud you almost woke up the entire ward." The hand rubbed small circles on his back, and another was on his stomach, again, small circles.

"Go away." Iwaizumi said again, this time with a stronger tone. He didn't need anyone's pity, nor did he need people to feel sorry for him. It's life, you get sick, you die, as easy as that.

"Yeah sure let me just leave you here to die on the filthy bathroom floor while I go back and listen to someone puke their guts out next door," He said, dripping with sarcasm. "Just let me sit here with you at least, might make you feel better."

Iwaizumi was about to object when his stomach churned and his dinner came back into the toilet bowl. Oikawa made a noise but stayed, running his fingers through Iwaizumi's hair, in an attempt to soothe the pain and discomfort.

Nausea seemed to subside for a bit and Iwaizumi leaned back to catch a breath, he took a glance at the clock on the wall: _04:02_. He's been puking for almost 15 minutes straight. "I-I'm done, you can go now." He huffed out, his hand reaching for the wall to pull himself up.

"Can you even walk back to bed?" Oikawa asked, his hands snaking underneath his arm and pulling him up with ease. "Okay back to bed you go." Iwaizumi climbed into bed, exhaustion pinning him down.

"I'm staying here for the night, just call me if you need to puke again yeah?" Oikawa said, moving the extra plastic chair in the room next to Iwaizumi and threw his legs on the opposite chair, leaning back and closing his eyes.

Iwaizumi was about to wake him up and tell him to go back to his room but the boy had already fallen asleep on the chair, his (too long) legs dangling off that chair and his head leaning back. As much as Iwaizui did not like him, he still felt bad about waking him up.

Deciding against it, he rolled over and tried to fall asleep.

The medications didn't work. The doctor took him off of it, saying they will try their hardest to find more suitable ones to stop his heart from enlarging. His mother was crying, his father was silent when the doctor broke the news. Sometimes Iwaizumi wished he could just die to save his parents the trouble.

It's been a month, or two since Iwaizumi 'befriended' Oikawa. Befriended isn't really the right word but Iwaizumi didn't really actively pursue the friendship between him and Oikawa, he just learned to deal with it.

"Iwa-chan!" As usual, Oikawa arrived at his door, 09:00, very punctual. "How are you today?" He hopped into the room, taking a seat at the end of Iwaizumi's bed.

"The medications aren't working." Iwaizumi stated, his eyes still looking at the sketch he is making.

"Aw man, I'm sorry," Oikawa said with a pout. "But good news, my team is coming to visit later today, I can introduce them to you! Maybe you'll be less sour if you actually ttr and socialize and like make friends you know."

 _Friends_. What a foreign word. Before Iwaizumi ended up living in the hospital, he didn't really have many friends. He preferred being alone anyway. Kenma and Akaashi were the first-ever official friends that Iwaizumi has ever made in his whole life. And well, Oikawa wedged in somehow.

So Iwaizumi continued to draw, the figure had messy hair, his eyes sparkling in the light, his lips stretched to a big smile, corner to corner. He was about to do the lineart for his figure when he felt Oikawa's face next to him.

"Ooh I like this one," He said. Oikawa is weird. It's a known fact in the entire ward. He is way too bubbly, way too loud and just weird. But in a good way. Much to Iwaizumi's confusion, he has been keeping his drawings, for some odd reason, it's not like they're good or anything. Iwaizumi has seen artists who drew far better than him but Oikawa insisted, pouting and whining if Iwaizumi crumbled up the paper. So Iwaizumi just automatically hands the drawing to Oikawa at this point. He wasn't sure what he did to those drawings though, might used it as toilet paper, though the paper was rough as fuck. Sandpaper. Iwaizumi chuckled at the thought, it's an inside joke within the four boys, Oikawa having a flatass, maybe he used the drawing paper to sand his butt.

"Whatcha laughing at." Oikawa said, poking Iwaizumi's sides.

"Your flatass."

"Hey! Meanie!"

"Flattykawa."

"Iwa-chaaaaan. Stop making fun of me!"

"Doorkawa. Flattykawa."

"Stoooop!"

"Make me."

And he kissed him. Now Oikawa has surprised Iwaizumi in many aspects, apparently he knows how to play the guitar and is practically fluent in Korean cause, to quote, "I want to talk to BTS without subtitles one day."which doesn't make any sense at all, but this surprised him the most.

He made a sound, more like a grunt as Oikawa's lips attacked his. His brain tells him to push him off, but his heart was beating rapidly against his chest. Which is probably bad for a patient with cardiomyopathy.

"H-heart, h-hurts." He choked out, hands grabbing his chest as Oikawa immediately pulled away from him. "Shit right, heart problems I forgot."

The pain subsided and Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa with the most "done" expression he could muster on his face.

"Bitch why would I be here if it weren't for heart problems."

"Man I don't know, a shitty personality maybe?"

"Shittykawa."

"Stop!"

"C'mere." And before Iwaizumi's brain could process what was happening, he crashed his lips with Oikawa's again. Since he was actually in control here, his heart didn't beat too fast.

"You sure your heart can handle this? _This hot ass_?" Oikawa mumbled, lips still on Iwaizumi.

"Ass? You barely have one."

And he pulled away, a hand over his heart, the familiar shock on his face. _He looks like the surprised pikachu meme_ , Iwaizumi thought to himself.

"Iwaizumi! The hurt! The pain!" And he dramatically rolled off the bed. "Thy insult is a needle in thou heart, thou shalt take leave." And he backs away through the door with fake sobs.

"Okay bye Shakespearean drama queen." Iwaizumi chuckled.

Now the kiss feels good, Oikawa's lips were soft and rather warm. Iwaizumi knew he was gay when he was like 5, his parents knew too. And they were supportive of it, annoying Iwaizumi by pointing out cute boys on the street, poking and gushing over every male friend that Iwaizumi has. He hates it but he would rather have parents who annoy the shit out of him with boys than have unsupportive parents.

But here's the million dollar question, what happens now. Iwaizumi doesn't date, in fact, he never dated. Yes he has crushes occasionally, but most of them turned out to either be can't-stop-body-waving straight or just douchebags.

Speaking of the devil, he waltzed back into the room with a slight giggle, plopping himself back on the chair.

"Now what."

"Wow Iwaizumi, I knew you were single but I never knew you were _that_ single." Oikawa teased.

"I just, I-" Iwaizumi stuttered, hard to string his words together. "I don't do the whole dating thing you know."

"Well then, do you like me? Iwa-chan?"

Iwaizumi never really took time to think about this, he and Oikawa have been hanging out almost everyday. It was as if it's muscle memory. Iwaizumi couldn't remember one time where Oikawa wasn't in his room, he was just always there.

"I don't know." Now that is not a complete lie but a really shitty thing to say to someone who just kissed you, almost made you had a heart attack. 100% would not recommend.

"Oh. Okay, then. Sorry for that." And he left.

"Wait no, Oika-" But the door was already closed as he stuffed his face in his hands, and groaned. He slumped back in his bed, which was adjusted at an upright position.

"Iwaizumi Hajime, what the fuck did you do." Kenma came in, swinging the door wide open. "Tooru is crying and I don't like crying people, please get rid of him." He said, switch in hand.

"Kenma, help." Iwaizumi shamefully said, hanging his head close to his chest. "Oikawa kissed me."

Kenma looked up from his switch.

"And I also kissed him."

Iwaizumi never saw Kenma's eyes that wide.

"You what?"

"It was in the spur of the moment okay? He kissed me and I got nervous and my heart started beating real fast, almost had a heart attack and then he pulled away and then I felt a bit bad and then I kissed him and then he asked me if I liked him and I said I don't know cause I really don't know!" He rambled.

"You really are an idiot." The other was about to turn and leave before Iwaizumi called him back.

"Now what do I do?"

"Figure out your feelings for Tooru and you'll know what to do. Now I'm going to stay here cause Akaashi is doing his thing where he is comforting Tooru and I don't know what to do around crying humans."

Iwaizumi pulled the covers over his head and sighed. Does he really like Oikawa? Or was it just a spur in the moment kind of thing. But the kiss felt really good. Iwaizumi unconsciously touched his lips where Oikawa's was a few minutes ago. Would he kiss him again? Definitely.

Iwaizumi was still deep in thought when an alarm started blaring next door, and he heard Akaashi yell out "He's seizing!"

Kenma got off his switch and ran, well as fast as a kid with stage 2 lung cancer could to the other door. Iwaizumi did so too. Doctors and nurses were surrounding the room, yelling medical jargon over each other, some shooing the people crowding him away and some surrounding the floor.

Iwaizumi tiptoed and peeked at what the commotion was about. His heart ached and he felt his stomach churn. Oikawa was on the floor, his limbs jerking uncontrollably as Akaashi tried to hold him still sideways. His entire body was shaking and his eyes were dull, unlike the usual shine it has. His hand was twitched in an awkward position, his body tense.

Iwaizumi wanted to cry. He wanted nothing more than to run up to Oikawa and tell him it's okay and he's here and just make everything go away. It hurts to see someone you love in pain.

Oh shit.

Iwaizumi took a double take himself when he realized what he thought. _Love_. That's a bit fast isn't it.

"Mr. Iwaizumi and Mr. Kozume, please back away to let our doctors help Mr. Oikawa." A random nurse appeared behind the two boys.

"What's wrong with Oikawa-san?"

"We are unsure of the cause of the seizure but once Mr. Oikawa is stable, we will run tests immediately." The nurses' focus immediately went back to Oikawa, who was now more stable, his body wasn't seizing up anymore but his eyes were so dull and lifeless, it scared Iwaizumi.

But a blaring beeping noise interrupted the seemingly silent again.

Akaashi was soon ushered out from the room by the doctors.

"What happened Keiji?" Iwaizumi asked, grabbing the other by the shoulder.

"I-I don't know, he was just rambling about how he really liked you and then he, then he just started seizing up," Akaashi answered, his eyes welling up with tears. "Iwaizumi-san I don't want Oikawa to die!"

"He won't, okay? Oikawa is too stubborn to leave us without saying goodbye."

"That bitch better not leave me here with you two, he is the only one who actually knows what he is doing in Among Us unlike you guys." Kenma mumbled in the hug, earning a few chuckles from the two.

hello. it's me. ight, so here, the story splits into two parts, one is slightly less painful and the other is more painful. i recommend you choose one and then read the ending before coming back and reading the other part!!

**HELLO! author here! I have written two versions on how the story goes so choose your version and go to the ending before reading the other one!**

– version 1 –

To be completely fair, Oikawa isn't dead. He's close though.

After numerous scans and tests, the doctors were unfortunate to break the news to the boys that Oikawa's brain tumor has enlarged and has been pressing onto his nerves or something. Iwaizumi didn't know how to react when he heard the news. He was numb. He had a hunch that this day would come, but not so fast. There was probably nothing in the world that could prepare him for such shocking news.

As for the question "Does Iwaizumi like Oikawa", he has a firm answer. Yes he does, and he likes Oikawa more than a normal human being should love a person. He craves his presence, he wants to spend every living minute with the boy, as annoyingly cheery he gets, Iwaizumi loves it. He loves how Oikawa could start a topic on literally anything, He loves how he could go on for hours about how the Yuri On Ice anime should have another season before he dies, well that part Iwaizumi hates. He loves how Oikawa could be so focused in his drawings that he could sit by Iwaizumi in complete silence while watching his pencil scratch on the piece of paper.

During the days where Oikawa got transferred to the ICU, since the doctors would like to keep a closer eye on him, Iwaizumi felt empty. His entire body was just dread, he didn't have any energy to do anything, which is kind of normal for a person with heart problems, but he felt like his soul was just not present in his body. His sketchbook was abandoned on the table for the period Oikawa was gone. Iwaizumi longed for the company, his room was oddly quiet without Oikawa ranting away, he kept his sketches that he drew knowing Oikawa would want them, well the only sketch he did on the day Oikawa collapsed.

But Oikawa is back at the ward, tubes covering his entire body, the heart monitor being the only thing that is a signal that he is alive. Iwaizumi creeped into the room and sat down on the plastic chair. Oikawa was lying on the bed, pale as a sheet.

Iwaizumi took the time to really look at him. His fingers long and sleek, evident of him being a volleyball player, his arms bruised due to the effects of brain cancer. He looks peaceful, quiet for once in his life. Iwaizumi hesitantly took his hand in his. They were cold, Iwaizumi couldn't feel the life and joy that Oikawa normally carried in them. They were limp in Iwaizumi's hands.

The doctors said he would wake up, which is a great thing, but when would he wake up is still unknown. Iwaizumi hoped and prayed he would wake up soon, he would confess everything to him, how he dreamt about him every day when he was down at ICU, how he missed his annoying rants about BTS, how he would sit by his side watching Iwaizumi draw for hours. Iwaizumi missed Oikawa so much.

"Oikawa?"

No response.

"I'm not really sure if you can hear this, but I'm too awkward to say it to your face." He intertwined his fingers with Oikawa's, gently squeezing them. "I- uh, how do I say thi. I- I really like you Oikawa.

Like a lot. Like Kuroo and Kenma level a lot. And I'm sorry for not figuring it out earlier. I have this gut feeling that I was the cause of your seizure, maybe you cried too hard or whatever. And even though Akaashi and even the doctors, who by the way, apparently ship us more than Bokuto and Akaashi which is just total bullshit. Anyway, I- I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

And I miss you like a fucking lot. I miss you rambling about your BTS boys and how you would try to follow their choreography and failing miserably. I miss how you could start a conversation with literally anyone you meet. I miss how you make me feel.

Oikawa, yo-you make me feel happy. I haven't had that much of a fun time with someone for so long, dare I say never. But I never realized how much I like being with you. I'm probably not making any sense right now cause I'm on 2 hours of sleep cause Kuroo stayed over last night and was fucking loud.

But anyway, I'm scared, Oikawa. I'm scared I will never be able to tell you all this, or throw crumpled up pieces of paper at you, or get annoyed at how you would be distracted by literally anything. Can you please wake up for me?"

"Wow I never took you as the sappy type Iwa-chan."

Iwaizumi's head never snapped up so fast. "Oikawa?"

"Well I'm glad you like me Iwa-chan, I'm literally everyone's type."

Iwaizumi practically jumped out of the plastic chair and threw his arms around Oikawa. Fuck, he missed him so much. His stupid comebacks, his loud existence, everything.

"I fucking missed you you bastard." Iwaizumi mumbled with his face buried in Oikawa's shoulder. "I thought you left me."

"Yeah, I wouldn't dare to leave you behind would I?" Iwaizumi could particularly hear the smirk in his voice.

The rest is history. The young couple became the star in the hospital, with Oikawa proudly being wheeled around the ward by a very reluctant Iwaizumi. Despite cheery "hello"s and sunshine smiles, Oikawa's situation was deteriorating. He was having way more headaches, some so bad they had Oikawa gripping Iwaizumi's hand like a life rope and squeezing the life out of the other while tears spilled out of his eyes as he winced and groaned in agony.

Iwaizumi wasn't far better either, each day he found it harder to move without going out of breath. What seemed like normal daily activities were getting more and more troublesome for him to complete.

Iwaizumi knew they didn't have much time left. A love story between a kid with stage 3 brain cancer, and the other with cardiomyopathy. The universe doesn't spare when it comes to time.

– version 2 –

In medical terms, Oikawa isn't dead, dead. He's in a coma. And the doctors don't have high hopes whether he will wake up or not. The results of the scans came and apparently the seizure was caused due to a stroke which made Oikawa's brain basically short circuit and now he's in a coma.

And it didn't help Iwaizumi's condition either.

He was having more trouble breathing, his limbs were so bloated he could barely get out of bed on his own. Akaashi had complications in his surgery and Kenma's cancer worsened to stage 3. It was as if Oikawa was their glue and without him, everything started to fall apart.

The nurses and doctors were kind to these four unfortunate kids though, upon Iwaizumi's request, the staff had moved all four of them to the same room, yeah it was a little bit cramped but the four didn't mind. Or should we say three, since Oikawa doesn't have a single clue what was going on in the outside world.

But one thing didn't change, Iwaizumi continued to draw. He found himself drawing more of Oikawa, how he imagined him to be if he was awake right now, or the life he had. He met a lot of Oikawa's friends, turns out he went to middle school with some of them. They had shown pictures of Oikawa playing volleyball to Iwaizumi, and boy oh boy was he in love.

The turquoise uniform fitted perfectly on Oikawa, his majestic form when he jumped serves, the cheers he does when his team scores, the tears he cried when his teams lost. Iwaizumi could practically memorize every match that was recorded. The way Oikawa handled the ball was magnificent as if he was one with the ball, or he controls the ball or something. Iwaizumi never played volleyball, he doesn't know the jargon and fancy terms. But one thing he knew for sure was the growing regret in his stomach, slowly eating him alive.

Kenma and Akaashi had brought in some of their friends too, apparently, Kenma had a rooster-haired boyfriend who was best friends with Akaashi's owl-haired boyfriend, small world huh. It was as if the two were a match made in heaven, the chaoticness perfectly balanced with Akaashi's calmness and Kenma's quietness respectively. Iwaizumi felt like an ultimate fifth wheel. The person he loves was so close, yet so far away.

When Kenma and Akaashi were off doing their thing away from the room, Iwaizumi likes to talk to Oikawa. He told him about his day, and what he drew, which was usually Oikawa playing volleyball. There was one point when Iwaizumi started rambling about their future if neither of them was bedridden in a hospital bed. They would have two kids, live in a beach house with a great view of the ocean so that Oikawa can teach the kids to play beach volleyball and Iwaizumi can sit there and draw them. Perfect. But dreams end and Iwaizumi was forced to face reality again when a nurse walked in and reminded him to take his meds and go to bed early.

Iwaizumi kept his sketches. There was a drawer next to Oikawa's bed, which Iwaizumi never dared to open, not that he could physically walk there and open it anyway. He finishes a drawing, saves it up, and waits for Oikawa's parents to come visit in order to give it to them. The two were shocked at first, not knowing why the grumpy boy next door was suddenly in the same room as their son, and giving them drawings that he drew OF their son. But they soon understand, sending him sympathetic looks and even made friends with him.

Oikawa definitely inherited his flamboyant from his dad and his good looks from his mom. Iwaizumi could see bits and pieces of Oikawa living in their parents, and it scared him. He hasn't known Oikawa long enough to recognize all the bits and pieces, figuring out which one he loves and which ones he liked a bit less. But Oikawa's parents are nice (something Oikawa hasn't inherited just kidding), they told Iwaizumi embarrassingly stories of Oikawa as a kid, apparently he accidentally shit his pants while sitting on Santa's lap one Christmas, and told him all about Oikawa.

As much as Iwaizumi hated to admit it, he was getting worse by the day. He felt exhausted even just from opening his eyes and sitting up, not only mentally exhausted but physically. He could be out of breath just from getting out of bed and onto the wheelchair.

And as if they were a pair of synchronized watches, Oikawa's situation has also started to deteriorate. The random alarming beeps were more frequent, more and more doctors came in to check on them from time to time, whispering things between them and pulling Oikawa's parents away to talk to them, only to have Mrs. Oikawa sobbing when she came back and Mr. Oikawa, who was usually as loud as Oikawa himself, fell silent.

Doctors were also talking with his parents, things that apparently pained his mother so hard it made her break down into tears and collapse on the ground. There were more fruit baskets from relatives he didn't knew even existed, to his school friends visiting him more often, sharing dumb memes and trying to lift the spirits in the depressing hospital room.

Iwaizumi knew they didn't have much time left. A love story between a kid with stage 3 brain cancer, and the other with cardiomyopathy. The universe doesn't spare when it comes to time.

and we're back!!! (read the part in parenthesis ONLY if you read part 1)

**HELLO! no matter which version you read, continue here! if you read the first one, please read the first paragraph as well :D**

(Oikawa finally collapsed the previous weekend, he's not dead, just in a coma. Another seizure. Oikawa has been having a lot of those seizures. Iwaizumi has been having nightmares about that, Oikawa having seizures. The moment you can see the seizure setting in, witnessing the stiffness in the joints and muscles of Oikawa, his eyes going dull and lifeless as his body helplessly jerked to the spasms, falling against Iwaizumi's chest. Iwaizumi felt like he ran a marathon when all he did was hold Oikawa. He made sure Oikawa was on his side, the bed adjusted back to horizontal, keeping his head elevated and just gently reassuring that he will and always be sitting there. Normally Oikawa would remain conscious, but when he didn't this time, Iwaizumi pressed the big red button he never dared to press.)

It was a grim October Monday morning, the rain hitting the glass window was the only thing Iwaizumi could focus on right now. Kenma's ventilator whirring by his bedside. Kenma's lungs had failed him the day before, sending the small boy into a wheezing fit that scared everyone in the room. Thankfully, they got it under control in time, but Kenma's name is now on the other millions of people awaiting a lung transplant.

Akaashi's back was finally healing, which seems to be the only good news in the cramped hospital room so far, and has begun his rehabilitation therapy.

Oikawa on the other hand remained still and pale on his bed, the only thing that reminded everyone that he was alive was the rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor beside his bed.

The only thing Iwaizumi can focus on right now is the twirling pen in his hand. He had a massive heart attack a few days ago, a little while after Oikawa fell into his coma. Scans came back and his left heart ventricle has enlarged again, and his heart can't pump blood effectively throughout his body. His mom broke down in tears when the doctor broke the news to the Iwaizumis, to quote, "I am sincerely sorry Iwaizumi, we did our best, your cardiomyopathy has progressed to advanced cardiomyopathy and the best thing we can hope for is a heart transplant."

Heart transplants. Only available from a corpse donor, surgery must be conducted within four hours from the removal of the donor's body. It is hard to find a suitable heart for literally anyone. So the doctor told Iwaizumi to jot down a few things that he wanted to do within these few weeks.

_So that's how long I have._

It's been almost an hour since he sat up and started to really think about the question but he still doesn't have an answer. His mind is completely blank. He wants nothing more than for his heart to become normal and his friends to be healthy. He wants to see Oikawa screaming and ranting, he wants to listen to Kenma's swearing when he's playing his video games, he wants to smell Akaashi's pastries again. He wants to be a normal teenager.

The pen fell out of his hand and clattered onto the wooden table that was fixed on the hospital bed. He turned his head and looked over at Oikawa. He looked like he was fast asleep, his entire body hidden under the covers except for his head. There were tubes on his face that connected to different machines just to keep his heart pumping and his body living. What an irony, Iwaizumi thought. _A person who used to be so full of life, now needs to rely on machines to simply live._

As Iwaizumi was staring at Oikawa, his parents came in. They rarely come in nowadays, seeing that their son might never wake up, maybe it saves them the pain, preserving the happy and healthy Oikawa in their memories instead of this empty shell that could not live on its own.

They opened the drawer and took out a piece of paper. His mother choked back a sob as Mr. Oikawa wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulder, pulling her close. Iwaizumi couldn't see the contents on the paper, but he could see how hard Mrs. Oikawa was shaking. The paper looked like it was a leaf during a typhoon, barely holding onto the branch.

The two pulled away, gave each other a look, and looked back at Oikawa. Mrs. Oikawa gently held the younger boy's hand and brought it up to her lips and laid a kiss. Mr. Oikawa left a kiss on his forehead.

Then, they left the room.

This was it for the day, nothing happened. Days like these seem to drag on forever, but somehow also pass rather quickly, as weird and contradicting it sounds.

"Nurse?" Iwaizumi called and a nurse quickly came into the room. "Can you help me down?" The nurse gave him a wary look but grabbed a wheelchair from the side and helped Iwaizumi down.

"Can you wheel me to his side?" Iwaizumi said, motioning to Oikawa. The nurse complied, pushing him right by Oikawa's head.

"Okay, I'll call you when I need to get back on the bed," Iwaizumi said and the nurse left the room, closing the door behind her to give them some much-needed privacy.

"I'm dying Oikawa." He started, he's not sure why he started that morbidly. He doesn't even know if people in comas could hear him, he read about it once. Apparently someone heard conversations around them when they were in a coma. Maybe Oikawa will hear this too.

"I don't want to die Oikawa, I'm scared.

I'm scared for my parents. What would they do? Wow, I must sound so narcissistic right now. Iwaizumi's parents, lost and sunken in grief by the passing of their beloved son," Iwaizumi mocked.

"Where do you think we go when we die Oikawa?" Iwaizumi hesitantly intertwined Oikawa's fingers with his. His hands were bony, and cold. Haunting.

"Is there really a heaven?" Iwaizumi has been thinking about these questions ever since his doctor told him the news. He doesn't expect a heart transplant to actually take place, it's risky and a donor with perfect matches are hard to find. He might just die while waiting for the perfect one to come along.

"I miss you." He blurted out, tears welling up in his eyes. "I wish I had more time with you. So that I can hold your hand, feel your heartbeat, hear you laugh. Know more about you, and stories told by you. Not your parents, not your friends, from you. I want to see your eyes crinkle in the darkness, I want to see you smile when I do something dumb. I just want you Oikawa. Can you please be mine?"

A sob broke through his mouth, and tears were falling down rapidly as he gripped onto Oikawa's hands, as if the tighter he held, the longer Oikawa would be his.

But again, there aren't always second chances.

The rest of the night was solemn, Oikawa was declared brain dead at 21:43. A person who is brain dead basically means Oikawa is gone.

His mom and dad rushed to the scene, Iwaizumi could recognize some of Oikawa's friends too. They were crying, everyone was crying.

 _He's gone._ Iwaizumi thought. He didn't cry. He just laid there, speechless.

The room was silent until doctors and nurses started rushing to Iwaizumi's side, lifting the barriers and kicking loose the locks on the wheels.

"Doctor? W-What's going on?"

"We found a heart for you."

When Iwaizumi woke up, it was sunny, oddly warm for a November day.

"Hey baby, how are you feeling?" His mom. Iwaizumi blinked open the fuzziness in his eyes and widened them. And there she was, his mom, standing over by his bed, concerned eyes staring right at him.

"I-I feel, I feel good." That was a sentence Iwaizumi hasn't said in a long time.

"Feeling good is great Iwaizumi." His doctor said, entering the room. "The surgery was a success, but we will need to see if your body successfully adapts to the donor's heart."

"W-whose heart is this?" Iwaizumi asked. Does he want to know the answer? Maybe not.

"I believe there are some people that would want to say something to you." The doctor said, moving away, revealing Mr. and Mrs. Oikawa, hand in hand, at the door.

Iwaizumi seemed to have realized whose heart was beating inside him. He frantically looked over at Oikawa's bed. It's empty. Bed sheets neatly folded, the pillow placed at the top of the bed.

"No, no, no, no, no." Iwaizumi rambled, hands clawing at his chest, peeling off the horrendous bandage wrapping around his left chest. "That idiot, that stupid fucking idiot!" He yelled, tears flowing freely on his face as his voice broke.

"He wanted to do this," Mrs. Oikawa said, "From the first moments he saw you." She placed a folder on the wooden table.

Iwaizumi let out a choked sob as he saw what was in front of him. His drawings, his drawings of trees, of the first brown leaf falling. The picture of the figure swinging the baseball bat. The pictures of _him_. And on top of the folder was a folded piece of paper, with the words "Dear Iwa-chan" and a smiley face drawn next to it.

"We'll give you some space."

Iwaizumi nodded and unfolded the paper.

_Dear Iwa-chan (o^▽^o):_

_If you're reading this, I'm probably gon :( but don't worry! I'm in you now! I'll always be part of you :D Now you're probably thinking: Stupid Oikawa! Don't deny it, you are thinking of it. But just hear me out okay?_

_I knew I wanted to do this for a long time. I signed the papers long ago. So, yes this is legal. I specifically told the doctors not to tell you it was me because knowing you, you would say no and pretend to be dead so you don't have to take my heart._

_OH NOW I CAN SAY ALL THOSE PICKUP LINES. ok wait here's one: Mr. Iwaizumi, you are under arrest for stealing my heart._

_DID YOU SMILE????? Ok back on topic. I looked up your illness thing, turns out when it gets bad, it gets kind of ugly. But you're a lucky son of a bitch, my cancer didn't spread out of my brain stem, it's just wiggling around my brain, not leaving. I guess even my cancer wants you to have my heart lol. #Iwaoishipperconfirmed_

_Okay FOCUS TOORU._

_Anyway, I knew I wanted to do this for a long while. Now I don't want you to be sad. Wait no, you can be a little sad, if you aren't sad I'd be offended. But that aside, don't mope around and be that grumpy Iwa-chan!!! YOU HAVE MY HEART NOW, LIVE THE TOORU-STYLE!!!!_

_My parents were confused when I told them about this plan, but since I'm the one dying, I make the rules. HAH. Then we talked to the doctors, and it turns out, WE ARE A MATCH WOOHOO! Like the heavens knew we were soulmates._

_But I gotta apologize. Sorry for leaving you so soon :( Pleaseeeee, forgive me!!! I left a souvenir for you! My heart! Wow, these never get old. So while I'm gone, take good care of my heart for me okay? If you fuck it up istg I will haunt you in your dreams and make a voodoo doll and STAB THE SHIT OUT OF IT. Shit, my mom just gave me a weird look when I wrote this lol._

_Ok for the drawings. Keep it, they are beautiful. I don't know if you did more or stopped but they are beautiful Hajime, I love them. I truly truly do. I wish I could draw as good as you! The best I could do are stickman figures._

_OH!!! Tell Kenma-chan I said you're welcome for his lungs and tell Kaashi-kun to not miss me too much!!!!!!_

_Now, my hand is cramping up so I'm probably gonna stop here. But ONE LAST REMINDER: be happy! (oh also listen to BTS, they are a bop)_

_keep my heart for me! keep it beating! don't let it stop!_

_always yours,_   
_tooru :3 <33333333_

Iwaizumi folded the letter and placed it neatly in the folder. He leaned back against the bed and closed his eyes.

Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.

He placed a hand over his chest.

He's feeling Oikawa's heartbeat.

His Oikawa.

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	6. 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦 - 𝘬𝘶𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘯

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: kuroken | kuroo tetsuro x kozume kenma  
> word count: 1430  
> tw: descriptions of panic attack  
> type: fluff

\------------------

Everything was blurring all together. The sounds, people walking around him. His fingertips and his face were turning numb, his head pounding against his skull. He could feel someone patting his back, saying something by his ear but he couldn't make out one single syllable of what the person was saying. There was so much noise and ambiance around him, sports shoes squeaking against the floor, balls bouncing against walls and being slammed into nets, whistles blowing, everything was so loud.

It was like he was underwater. Desperately fighting for air, trying to pull himself up but nothing works. He just keeps sinking, deeper and deeper and de-

"Kuroo!" The voice was familiar, which was nice in the chaos Kuroo is currently feeling at the moment. "Kuroo, look at me."

And then they made eye contact.

The pair of familiar golden eyes Kuroo always found comfort in, some might even say, those eyes lead Kuroo home.

Kenma's hand slipped into Kuroo's, gently leading him away from the crowded areas and all the commotion. "Let's get you away from all that shall we." His voice sounds like honey to Kuroo, soft and calming. They walked outside, where there were significantly less noise and people, and sat down on a small bench.

"K-Kenma, I-I can't b-breathe." He gasped out, his airways were restricting, no matter how hard he tried to suck in more air, it felt like a brick was on his chest. "K-Kenma help, please."

He couldn't focus on what was going on, everything was too overwhelming for him. Kuroo could've sworn he felt his entire soul leave his body. It felt like he was dying. Is he dying? Maybe.

"Kuroo. I'm here, you are here. You are having a panic attack, you are not dying, just try and breathe with me okay?" Kenma laid a gentle hand on Kuroo's shoulder but the latter flinched away, almost hitting Kenma by accident.

Kuroo must've realized what he almost did and went on an apology ramble, "Fuck, Kenma, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hit yo-" He tried to sneak away, shaking away his hand which Kenma was holding, he needed to get away from Kenma before he accidentally hurt him again.

Kenma cupped Kuroo's cheek and angled him so he was making direct eye contact with him. "Look at me. You didn't hit me, it's okay. I'm here, I'm not going to let anything happen to you okay?"

Kuroo could only nod. He was way too busy trying to let air into his lungs than to focus on what Kenma was saying. His entire world was spinning, Kenma being the only thing in the center, slightly grounding him back to reality but nothing was really working. Kuroo felt like he was on a rollercoaster which only does 360-degree loops, over and over again.

The second-year took Kuroo's hand and placed it on his chest, letting the latter feel the ups and downs of his chest, hoping it would calm him down. "Now breathe with me Kuroo. Just focus on me okay? Nothing else matters right now."

"W-what is happening? I-" Kenma has never seen Kuroo this disoriented, sure he had some moments where he was stressed or freaking out, but not at this level that would induce a full-on panic attack. Not going to lie Kenma was terrified, he had never seen this side of Kuroo before, but for the sake of his team and the wellbeing of his boyfriend, he tried his best to keep his breathing, and his tone calm.

"Kuroo. Look at me. Only me." His hands were shaking in Kenma's, it honestly scared him how hard Kuroo was shaking right now.

"You're at Nationals. Nekoma lost the first set. We have a small intermission now, everything is alright." Kenma took his other hand and gently held Kuroo's neck. The poor captain was sweating and shaking so much, Kenma wanted nothing but to squish him in a hug but he knew better than anyone else not to hug a person who is having a panic attack.

But nothing seemed to work. Kuroo felt like the sky was collapsing, he was falling into a giant tornado in the middle of a pool, his lungs filling up with water and his vision turning white. The only thing that reminded him of his existence was Kenma's hand on his, and the gentle vibrations of Kenma's chest when he spoke.

"Okay, chants always help me calm down so let's try this. Kuroo, hey, look at me." Kenma used his hands to guide Kuroo's eyes to focus on him. "I want you to repeat after me."

"We are the blood," Kenma started. Normally he would be cringing so hard, he always found that chant cringy but maybe this would help him calm down.

"Wha?"

"Just repeat after me okay? You know this chant by heart, it's in your Twitter bio for christ's sake." Kenma lightly squeezed Kuroo's hand before taking a deep breath and started over, "We are the blood."

"W-we are the blood."

"That flows smoothly."

"That flows smoothly."

"And circulates oxygen."

"And circulates oxygen."

"So that the brain,"

"So that the brain,"

"Can work normally."

"Can work normally."

By the time they both finished the chant, Kuroo's breathing was more steady, he wasn't shaking as much, and his death grip on Kenma's hand seemed to have relaxed.

Kuroo felt like he was alive again. The pounding on his head seemed to fade away, the ringing in his ears dying down and his face and fingertips were no longer numb and sensationless.

"Alright, let's do some deep breaths yeah?" Kenma continued, keeping Kuroo's hand on his chest. "In from your nose, and 1, 2, 3, 4. And hold for 7 okay? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Alright, then let it all out through your mouth for 8. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. There we go. Now we do it again." The two sat there, hand in hand, and repeated the breathing exercise for a couple more times before the color returned back to Kuroo's face and his breathing was completely back to normal.

"Hey baby, you back yet?" Kuroo gave a small nod.

"Here, have some water." Kenma twisted open a water bottle and gently positioned it right at Kuroo's bottom lip, and slowly fed the water inside his mouth, careful not to pour too fast to choke him accidentally.

Kenma brought their hands away from his chest into Kuroo's lap. "You better now?" Kuroo, again, gave a small nod.

"Do you want more water?" Kuroo shook his head.

The two sat in silence for a while, Yaku had come by and told them that Nekomata made Lev go in for Kuroo's place and Teshiro had gone in for Kenma, so they could take their time.

Kuroo let out a small sigh before leaning forward and resting his head on Kenma's shoulder, his arms lazily wrapped around the setter's waist. Now Kenma isn't particularly fond of human contact, but since it was Kuroo, and he lowkey loves how Kuroo's arms feel around his waist, he let this slide.

"Thank you." He heard Kuroo mumble into his shoulder. "Panic attacks suck, you must feel like shit the whole time."

And Kuroo's back.

"Well, you suck too." Kenma fought back, but running his hand through Kuroo's sweaty hair, knowing how Kuroo likes being petted like a fucking cat. Kuroo was always there for his (and rather frequent, blame his anxiety for it) panic attacks, so Kenma gladly stayed by his side for Kuroo's, since Kenma knows how scary these can get, especially when it was Kuroo's first panic attack.

Kenma went through his alone, he didn't want Kuroo to have to go through the same thing.

"You feel better yet baby? Or should I take you to first aid and have you lie down for a bit," Kenma asked, leaving a kiss on top of Kuroo's head.

"Let's just stay like this for a while please?" Kuroo mumbled, he was drained after the episode, and his first panic attack that is, and to add on they just played almost an hour of volleyball.

"Can we at least go inside though, we're sitting next to a shrub and I can practically feel the mosquitoes glaring at me for a meal," Kenma said, grabbing the water bottle beside him and standing up.

"Yeah, let's head inside." Kuroo stood up, a bit wobbly, but they made way back into the gymnasium.

"I love you."

"I love you too you idiot."

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	7. 𝘪 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 - 𝘢𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘺𝘢

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: asanoya | azumane asahi x nishinoya yuu  
> word count: 1615  
> type: fluff

\------------------

Asahi fiddled the hem of their dress as they stared at the ticking clock on the wall anxiously, waiting for Noya to come home.

Asahi has decided, they are going to come out to Noya today. Not sure why they decided today was the day, maybe it was a sudden boost in confidence when that lady in the shop stopped for a few moments and stammered over her words when she referred to Asahi.

The doorbell rang, startling Asahi, who was overthinking. They got up, smoothened the dress, before contemplating whether they should just run away by climbing out the window in the bathroom. Noya has never seen them in a dress and Asahi is totally not freaking out about it.

Asahi knew Noya was fine with people identifying as nonbinary, with Kenma coming out as nonbinary about a year ago, Noya had no problem picking up the pronouns, of course, there were accidental slip-ups here and there, but Asahi was still nervous. Heck, this time it wasn't a friend who lived away from Miyagi, it was his boyfriend.

Suga and Daichi, being their wingman since Asahi started to crush on the small libero, well mainly Suga, were the ones encouraging Asahi to come out to Noya. They had been procrastinating this forever, ever since they finally came to terms with their gender identity and had come out to the captains at the beginning of their third year. It was now Christmas and Suga had been encouraging them to come out. Of course, when they are comfortable.

"Asahi? Honey? Open the door please!" They heard Noya call out from the door and scrambled off the couch to unlock the door for their impatient boyfriend.

The door creaked open and Asahi was welcomed by Noya basically flinging himself on them, his legs wrapped around their waist as he buried his head in their shoulder. He didn't even realize Asahi was wearing a dress until they let him down.

Noya was puzzled, confused probably. He didn't say anything as he stared at Asahi, which made them almost faint. _Should've climbed out the window when I couldn damnnit._

The silence was deafening and seconds felt like eternity before Noya finally spoke.

"A-asahi?" That was not a good sentence.

"I'm sorry, this is bad timing, it's fine, I totally get it. I'll pack my stuff and stay over at Suga's for a bit, it's totally okay. I'm sorry." Asahi was about to turn before Noya grabbed their hand and pulled them back.

"No, no don't- wait Suga-san knows?" Noya asked. There was a tint of hurt in Noya's voice which made Asahi feel extremely bad. "D-don't you trust me?"

"No I do! I'm just scared! I don't want you to break up with me because I-I'm like this because I love you a lot and I don't want to lose you but I'm scared and I didn't know what to do but Sugawara told me to come out to you but I was scared. Fuck I'm s-" Asahi's rant were cut off by Noya's lips on his.

"Don't you dare be sorry. I was just a little hurt you didn't trust me to tell me this. I will never break up with you because you're comfortable with being who you are, I love you too much for that." A smile broke on Asahi's face as they felt hot tears prickling in their eyes, threatening to fall.

"Shit baby, did I say something wrong? Don't cry! I don't like it when you cry! When you cry it makes me want to cry too!" Noya frantically stood on his tiptoes as he wiped their tears away with his sleeves, cupping their face in his hands.

"I'm just really happy that's all." _Maybe coming out to Noya was the best decision ever._

"Okay, do you want to change your name? Or oh, what pronouns do you go by?" Noya asked, his hand leaving Asahi's face and connecting at their hands. "Oh! You need a new wardrobe! We can go shopping like tomorrow, it's like saturday anyway. But crap I have zero fashion sense, should we call Suga-san and Daichi-san? Suga-san might have a better fashion sense than me and won't make you look funky, not that you ever look funky. You're beautiful."

"Is it a bun day or braid day?" Noya called out from the bathroom. Asahi sat up on the bed, they felt wrong. Everything felt just wrong. They hated how their skin stuck to their skeleton, the clothes feeling like broken cloths plastered all over their body. Their head was pounding and there was this lump in their throat.

It's a bad day.

It's been almost a year since Asahi came out to Noya and it has been a blast. They had come up with a system where bun days are masculine pronouns and braid days are feminine pronouns, Noya had also took upon himself to learn how to do hair, courtesy of Kageyama's sister who sat the active kid down and taught him to do all kinds of braids, ponytails. Not that Asahi doesn't know how to do their own hair, Noya insisted on doing their hair every morning. There were good days and off days, today just happened to be an off day.

"Asahi? Baby?" Noya poked his head out of the bathroom door and immediately threw down what he was doing and climbed back into bed when he saw Asahi's lost face.

"Baby what's wrong?" Noya's hand instinctively found Asahi's, rubbing small circles on the back of it since it always calms Asahi down. "It's bad today huh." Asahi nodded.

Dysphoria absolutely sucks ass, Noya learnt that in the year. He hates how there is nothing he can do to just eliminate it, it's not as easy as defeating a monster in a video game. Days like these often end up with Noya holding Asahi in bed, just cuddling and being there for them as Asahi just felt absolutely horrible. It involves a lot of crying, netflix, and just straight up cuddling.

But today seemed worse than ever.

"I'll call in sick," Noya said, climbing off the bed and picking up the phone. Asahi made a sound of objection but Noya just ignored them, knowing he would be even more worried about his baby if he was at school.

Well Noya was still in school but Asahi's in university. They moved in together when Noya turned 18, since Asahi lived alone during their third year already.

After Noya hung up, he climbed back under the covers back to his Asahi, who was scratching his forearm so hard it was drawing blood. It was a habit they picked up a while back, it gets worse when the dysphoria gets worse and Noya has to gently pry their hands off their arm before they do more damage.

"Do you want to change into something more comfortable? C'mon talk to me baby, I want to help." Noya said in a soft voice, loud noises already freaked Asahi out, and they get more sensitive when Asahi was feeling absolutely disgusted. "I can do your hair or makeup if you want."

Asahi flipped on their stomach and groaned into the pillow. Noya took this opportunity to straddle Asahi, sitting on their lower back and gently gathered their long hair in his hands.

"I can put your hair in a braid if you want!" Noya suggested, smoothing the tangles out and running his hands through their hair. "Or a bun, whatever you want."

"Braid, please." Noya heard them say so he got into work, dividing their hair in three portions, and began braiding it bit by bit.

"All done!" Noya said, looking proudly at his work.

"Thanks." Asahi said, and Noya gladly pecked their lips.

"Anything for you." Noya rolled off his partner and lied next to them.

Asahi has always been beautiful, their eyes, their hair and everything makes Noya's heart melt and when tears flood Asahi's beautiful gorgeous eyes, Noya would rather throw himself off a cliff than to have Asahi cry anytime.

"You are so fucking valid. I love you, and I love who you are. You are beautiful and I am so honored to be your boyfriend. Honestly you can go kill anyone and I would still love you, not that I'm encouraging murder cause please don't. But like, I love you." Noya said, earning a smile from Asahi.

"I love your eyes." A peck on both eyelids.

"I love your smile." A peck on their lips.

"I fucking love your hands." Noya brought their hands to his lips and kissed every knuckle. "They are the definition of magic."

"I love your arms. Best arms for cuddles and hugs." A kiss on the biceps.

"I love your abs. Fuck, they're so sexy." Asahi blushed as they felt a pair of lips kissing every single one of their abs.

"I love your fucking thighs. Don't tell Daichi this, but those thighs are nothing compared to yours. I love them." Asahi covered their face in an attempt to hide the blush on their face as Noya kissed the inside of their thighs.

"And I love you." Noya said, climbing back up from under the blankets. "You are the most beautiful person I've laid eyes on and I am always wondering how the fuck did I get to live with such a gorgeous person by my side. Now let's watch a horror movie cause I hate them but you love them and you would always protect me from the screaming in the film. Honestly, the people screaming scares me more than the actual film itself."

Things will be okay, slowly, but eventually.

\------------------


	8. 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 - 𝘵𝘴𝘶𝘬𝘪𝘺𝘢𝘮𝘢

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: tsukiyama | tsukishima kei x yamaguchi tadashi  
> word count: 1082  
> note: angst week collection day 1 (prompt: longing + "when did it all change?")  
> type: angst

\------------------

"I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore."

He hung his head low to hide his tears, he willed himself not to sniffle or else the stranger on the other side of the screen would hear him. He bit the inside of his cheek to control his tears, he forced the corner of his lips into a smile as he looked back up and said, "It's okay."

The call ended and the screen soon went black. He was staring at his own reflection on the monitor of the computer screen for what seemed like hours until it finally dawned on him. He's gone. _When. When did we change. When did this all change? Where did he go?_

He couldn't stop his tears. It just kept flowing and flowing, fogging up his glasses and staining his purple shirt. He tried to wipe them away but his tears flowed down his face like a river escaping a broken dam. Gut-wrenching sobs tore through his chest as he slammed a fist on his table, his fist throbbing in pain but the ache in his heart was worse.

There was a picture of them on the corner of his desk. Back when they were still in high school, two innocent teenagers who thought their love could face anything the world throws at them. As long as they're together, they're invincible.

Tsukishima slammed the picture onto the desk, not being able to see his face anymore. He couldn't get him out of his head, his eyes, his hair, his freckles, his smile. God, he loved his smile. And now he can never see his smile again.

He climbed onto bed, curling up under the covers as the tears rolled past the bridge of his nose and staining his pillow. The brightness of his phone blinded him as he scrolled through millions of messages.

_"Hey Tsukki! Wanna to grab dessert?"_

_"Ah I'm sorry Tsukki, running a bit late cause sensei had to meet with me. If you're in a hurry, don't wait up!!!"_

_"Man practice was tough today. Thank god I'm coming over later."_

_"Remember to bring a coat! It's cold out! Love you!!"_

_"Tsukki what are your plans after high school? I wanna go apply for overseas but I'm scared I won't get in >.<"_

_"God these essays are killing me! Why do universities need to see so many essays T^T"_

_"I got in!!!!! :DDDDDDD"_

_"My parents aren't home tonight, wanna come over ;) jkjk but no srsly if you want, come over I miss you D:"_

_"Tsukiiiii I'm leaving on the 21st next month :(((( Do you wanna hang out before I go?"_

_"I'm boarding now! I promise to call you when I get there! Don't get a boyfriend when I'm gone >:"_

_"Ah sorry, I was dying from assignments, can we skype tomorrow pleaseeee, sorry Tsukki :("_

_"Tsukkii take my call!!!!!"_

_"Shit sorry I'm out with friends lol i'll call you when I'm home!"_

_"Are you mad at me?"_

_"Tsukishima stop blaming your problems on me."_

_"Do you not trust me that much?"_

_"Hey Tsukishima can you skype me now? I wanna talk."_

The feed on his Instagram showed a picture of him with his friends in the States. _He changed._ The freckles he loved were no longer showing, he wasn't dressed in hoodies or the clothes he used to wear, instead he was in very revealing clothes. He was smirking at the camera with his arms draped across the people around him. He had a cigarette in his mouth as well as a beer bottle in his hand.

_He's gone._

His throat tightened as he let out yet another choked sob. His entire body wracked with an onslaught of sobs and tears as he felt a part of him crumble away, leaving a gaping hole in his heart.

The person he used to joke around with, teasing his teammates and genuinely having fun. The person who gets anxious around people, turning into his own arms for comfort and safety. The person who once said "I love you." _Where is he?_

The bed beside him was cold, empty. He was so used to seeing him the first thing when he wakes up or falls asleep. But now the emptiness was like a dagger twisting and churning in his chest, reminding him of the person he lost.

He finally got his tears under control, his body was aching. He dragged himself out of the bed and into the bathroom. He stripped down his clothes and got into the shower. The hot water falls on his body like rocks and knives carving on his skin. He wasn't sure what hurt more at this point, his body or his heart.

He stared at the drain. Eleven years of friendship broken so easily like a piece of biscuit shared amongst friends, rushing down the drain.

He stepped out of the shower, didn't even bother wrapping himself in a towel. He was shivering from the cold, drops of water dripping from his damp blonde hair to the floor.

He closed his eyes as he imagined his arms wrapping around his body, warming him up. His eyebrows would furrow together as he ran over and wrapped a towel around his bare body, going off like a concerned mother about how he would catch a cold under this cold weather.

The old him would always make sure he takes care of himself, Texting him at ungodly hours to remind him to "get your cute ass in bed" or to "drink your water!!". Now there are no more texts, no more calls, no more _him_.

A gust of wind hit his body as he was reminded the warm arms that he once called home were gone forever. No longer his to hold or to caress, no more warm hugs or cuddles waiting for him after a long day of practice, no more hands roaming from his chest, to his stomach, his thighs, making him experience feelings he's never experienced before.

The presence he longed for will no longer be his again.

His tears dried as he sat on the edge of the bed, staring into the dull, white wall. It started raining outside, the gentle rain tapping on the window was the only sound filling up the room.

A part of him was clinging onto the slight bit of hope that some part of him would stay, maybe a call or a text saying he's back and will be forever his again. But nothing.

_His Tadashi is gone._

\------------------


	9. 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 - 𝘪𝘸𝘢𝘰𝘪

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: iwaoi | oikawa tooru x iwaizumi hajime  
> word count: 1496  
> tw: abandoned childhood, blood  
> note: angst week collection day 2 (prompt: phone calls/texts. insecurity. "was i ever enough")  
> type: angst

\------------------

"I'm sorry kid," was the thing Mr. Iwaizumi said to him after reading out the letter. Tears were welling up in Oikawa's eyes as he frantically looked over to Iwaizumi for help.

His parents didn't leave him. They promised they would come back. They're just late. Yeah, just late, that's all. They'll be back soon, Oikawa just needs to be more patient.

That was the beginning of his downwards spiral. Scholarships, awards, trophies, they weren't enough. He needed more, he needed to be the best of the best. He can't afford to only be stuck at second place, no that isn't enough.

"Oikawa, stop."

"I can't. Iwaizumi, please. I messed up one serve today. I can't miss Iwa-chan."

"You're going to injure yourself."

"I can't stop until I'm good enough!" Oikawa served the volleyball across the court before doubling over, his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. "One more. Please."

"You said that two hours ago. You're going to wear yourself out. We have morning practice tomorrow."

"I don't care!" His voice echoed in the gymnasium. "I have to continue. I'll lock up after you just let me perfect this. I'm begging you Iwaizumi. I need to be a good setter."

"No." was the answer he got. "I'm not sitting here and watching you self-destruct again."

"Then get out! Leave! Everyone leaves me eventually, why not do it sooner!" Tears were prickling in Oikawa's eyes, threatening to fall. But he knew better than to cry. Only weak men cry, weak men aren't the best. People hate weak men and leave weak men.

"Give me 30 minutes."

"10."

"15."

"15. Not a second more."

Iwaizumi grabbed his bag and left the gym, only to sit outside on the stairs. He worries about Oikawa, he falls into these deep spirals that take weeks to get him out, usually involving a lot of crying, panic attacks and sometimes, blood.

Small things tick Oikawa off, it wasn't big things like losing a match or screwing up a test. Although those pile up and eventually burst like a shaken can of soda. But it were the smallest things you could ever imagine, the inability to tie his shoelaces because of his shaky hands, spilling some drinks onto his lap. But this time, it was an unreturned phone call.

And Iwaizumi had a hunch this was not going to be good.

He came home to things crashing on the ground and glass being shattered, followed by broken screams and cries from Oikawa's room. Iwaizumi quickly went over to the kitchen cabinet to grab the first aid kit and placed it on the dining table, knowing it would come in handy later.

"Tooru." Once he heard the crashing stop, he knocked on the door, hoping to get an answer.

"Go away."

"No."

"You want to leave, I know it. So just leave."

"No."

"Leave me alone!" It broke Iwaizumi's heart to have his best friend say these words to him, but he knew he didn't mean them and Oikawa needed him so he wasn't going anywhere.

"I'll give you a few minutes to cool down okay?" Iwaizumi said. "Does tea sound nice?"

There was silence for a bit but was followed by an answer, "Yes please, thank you."

"Alright, I'll go make some lavender okay?"

He got the water boiling and threw some tea leaves in the pot, but his mind wandered as he watched the tea leaves swirl and circle in the water.

_What ticked him off? Grades? No, he did great on his math test. Volleyball? He didn't miss a single set at morning practice._

Millions of possibilities ran through Iwaizumi's mind until he was reminded by the sharp tune of the water boiler. He poured a glass of lavender tea and made way to Oikawa's room.

_Should probably get a straw._

He slid open the door and his eyes widened in surprise.

The room was a total mess. Posters on the wall were torn and ripped apart, pieces of it lying on the ground. Picture frames and decorations were scattered on the floor in pieces. The mirror on the wall was now shattered on the ground in millions of pieces. Trophies and medals on the shelf were shoved and thrown onto the ground. Oikawa's phone was thrown across the room, pieces of the metal and plastic all over the floor. And Oikawa was sitting against his bed, his arm bloody. Tear stains tracked his face, his eyes red and swollen.

"Iwa-chan," Oikawa looked over at Iwaizumi. "Why am I never enough?"

Iwaizumi wanted to argue but Oikawa beat him to it.

"W-was I ever enough?" His voice broke as tears ran down his face, he looked at his bloody hands while sobs tore through his chest. "W-why did they leave me, Iwa-chan? I was a good son! I never asked for toys or money. Was I bad? Did I do something wrong?"

Iwaizumi immediately set the mug on the floor before rushing toward Oikawa, sitting cross-legged in front of him as he took his bloody hands in his.

"Tooru, you are enough. You are so talent-"

"Then why did they leave!" Iwaizumi didn't know how to answer, he didn't know as well. "Am I unlovable? Did I hurt them?"

Iwaizumi only held his hand, running small circles on the back of the palm.

"Can you give me your phone?"

"Oikawa, they might've just changed their phone number."

"I need to try. I need to try one more time. Give me your phone." Oikawa reached into Iwaizumi's pocket, in an attempt to dig out the other's phone.

"Oikawa stop!"

"I have to! I can't. I need answers." The setter yelled, the blood on his hands staining Iwaizumi's white uniform.

"Oikawa!"

"Just one more call Iwaizumi, please!"

"Oikawa stop." Iwaizumi raised his voice which made Oikawa freeze in his actions. "It's been 11 years Oikawa."

"But I'm their son!" Iwaizumi's heart broke in half as he saw Oikawa's tears once again roll down his cheeks, his hands falling limp onto Iwaizumi's lap as he leaned back against the bed, exhausted.

"They didn't answer. This was the 6238th time." Oikawa muttered. He sat up, and stared into the room.

It was as if at that point Oikawa's brain registered what he did to the room. His eyes widened in horror as he tried to scramble up but was stopped by Iwaizumi.

"I'm sorry, I'll clean it up now. I'm so-"

"Oikawa it's okay. I'll clean it up later, just sit down."

"No, it's my fault. I have to clean it up, or else-" He stopped himself there.

"No, there is no or else. You sit down and drink your tea while I go grab the medkit." Oikawa shook his head, taking Iwaizuki's hand off his shoulder.

"No, I have to clean it up. It's my fault. I've been bad. God, I'm such a bad person. You guys gave me a roof to sleep under and I come and wreck your place? No, it's okay. I'll clean it up."

"Oikawa, I said it's fine."

"No it's not. You'll realize how bad I am and then throw me out. I can't lose you, I'll go crazy without you Iwa-chan. I-"

Iwaizumi cupped his cheeks and forced Oikawa to look into his eyes. "You are enough. You are more than enough. You are the top scorer in our grade. You are the captain of the volleyball team. You volunteer at the elderly home on every weekend for the past 4 years. You know like 3 languages. You are enough Oikawa."

"T-then why did they leave?"

"I don't know. But they missed out on their wonderful son growing up to be a wonderful man, and I feel sorry for them." Iwaizumi answered, and he gently led Oikawa outside to the living room so he wasn't overwhelmed with the mess in his room. "Now sit here, I'm going to go grab your tea and you'll drink it while I clean up your wounds alright? Then, we'll clean up the room. _Together_."

Oikawa nodded. He was too tired to fight anymore.

Iwaizumi sped into the room and grabbed the tea, the straw was a great idea since Oikawa's hands were too bloody and cut up to hold a mug.

After taking out the pieces of glass from his hands and wrapping them in bandages, Iwaizumi looked up at Oikawa who was staring right at him.

"I-"

"Don't say anything." He shushed Oikawa with a finger to his mouth. "We are happy to have you here. I can't imagine life without you Oikawa alright? We will never ever leave you or force you to leave. Heck I think my dad is worried you'll get tired of us. But listen to me. you are enough and we love you."

Oikawa let out a sigh of relief before Iwaizumi hugged him, the setter squeezing the life out of the ace. "Thank you."

"We love you Oikawa."

\------------------


	10. 𝘧𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 - 𝘥𝘢𝘪𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘢

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: daisuga | sawamura daichi x sugawara koushi  
> word count: 1911  
> tw: mentions of murder, major character death  
> note: angst week collection day 3 (prompt: photographs, defeat, "I can't lose this too")  
> type: angst

\------------------

"Sawamura-san, I'm taking you off the case."

"But sir-"

"It's been six months, it's a dead-end, there are no more witnesses or evidence. I know it's hard Daichi-san, but you have to let go."

"Sir with all due respect, this is my husband you're talking about, I can't just let go."

"I'm putting you on 2 weeks paid leave. Go home, shower for once. I'll ask Ushijima-san to check up on you regularly." The chief dismissed him and Daichi let out a sigh as he ran his hand through his hair. It was getting long, he should get it cut soon.

Suga used to cut his hair.

With that thought, Daichi stormed to his desk and shoved his computer and his belongings into his bag. He opened the desk drawer and took a folder, which was filled to the brim, and slid it in his bag.

"Get some rest Sawamura-san, and my condolences. Sugawara-san was a nice man." Ushijima, who was a lieutenant at the precinct waved him off as Daichi got into his car. The cop let out a frustrated yell as he punched the steering wheel which emitted a loud honk in the empty parking lot, earning a few glances from the pedestrians walking past.

Frustrated, Daichi started the car and pulled out of the precinct.

It's been six months since Sugawara was murdered. Reported missing after he didn't come home from work on the 18th of December, and found dead in the woods on the 20th of December. It was a cold case, with no DNA markings, no signs of struggle. He was just there, in the woods. Daichi had forced himself onto this case, the captain didn't allow it at first but he knew Daichi would just investigate on his own and god knows what kind of mess he would get himself into if he did, so he let him in on the case.

But it's been six months. Countless interrogations, even Daichi was interrogated, sit-ins, and a lot of all-nighters, nothing. There was nothing that could point Daichi to who killed his husband. The department was close to closing the case but Daichi wouldn't allow it, stealing the case file from archives and working on it late at night. Everyone was worried about Daichi. He was a brilliant cop, friendly, and helped whoever is in need. Fought for what was right and never let his status get into his head. The cops at the precinct knew Sugawara too, he visited a couple of times, brought dinner for Daichi who was so lost in the paperwork he would forget to eat. He was a nice man, was an elementary school teacher. The kids were devastated. Daichi could remember the kids clinging onto his leg and asking him when was Sensei coming back, he didn't have the heart to tell him their sensei was dead so he just said sensei moved to a far-away land.

Daichi jabbed the key into the keyhole and unlocked the door to their apartment. He hated coming home, every single thing in this small space reminded him of his husband. The picture on the wall, the small figurines of Naruto on the cabinet, the endless candles that were scattered all over the house, dead house plants that died without the care of Suga. Their wedding picture hung right above his bed.

He remembered the days where he would just break down in tears when he stepped foot into the apartment. Asahi and Nishinoya were kind enough to let him sleep on their couch till Daichi was ready, but he never was and will never be, but he didn't want to keep bothering them so he just left one day, with a note and some fruits thanking them for taking him in.

He was the one who found the body and called 119, just lying there by a tree, wearing the clothes he wore the day he left the house on the 18th of December. If it wasn't for Daichi looking for him, people might have thought he was asleep. He still has nightmares about this, finding Sugawara dead, waking up in cold sweat, tears pouring down his face.

Time heals. Utter bullshit, Daichi thought. More like time numbs. He learned to live with the pain and the emptiness in him. But he didn't want to give up, he can't. He cannot keep living each day knowing the person who took his husband's life was still out there, who says they wouldn't harm another family?

So Daichi got to work, he poured the contents of the folder onto his bed. Photographs, scrap pieces of paper fell out, some falling onto the floor. He took down the wedding picture above the bed and cleared the space, grabbing some string and tape he had in the apartment. He had bought the map of the city and nailed it to the wall, then he grabbed the string and started mapping out all the clues he had. Where Suga was found, last seen alive, the route from his apartment to his school, the place he went for lunch on the 18th of December.

Every little detail. Daichi cannot miss any single detail.

So he started digging. Daichi will not give up on Suga. Endless night walks retracing the same steps Suga took after he finished work that day, contacting anyone who might have any contact with Suga at all, interviewing the same people over and over again, and listening to interrogation tapes just to try and find something new.

There were new pictures in his apartment every day, photographs of Suga were stuck everywhere in his apartment. On the corridors, on mirrors, in cabinets. Daichi was terrified of forgetting who he was originally doing this for.

"Sawamura, open up!" _Great, another home check._

"Kuroo I'm fine." He yelled out the door. Kuroo was another cop at the precinct, he and Ushijima had decided to check up on Sawamura every week. "Just go back to work."

"Captain's worried you know."

"Tell him I'll be back soon." Daichi had requested temporary leave at the precinct, with the excuse of restoring his mental health. Well, that wasn't really a lie, but Daichi wanted to take advantage of every second he has.

"I have the things you asked for."

"Slide them under the door,"

"I can't slide a fucking box under the door." Daichi unlocked the door and the door swung open.

"Wow, this stinks." Beer bottles and pizza boxes were scattered everywhere in the apartment, the curtains were closed, dim light illuminating the small space. The floor was barely visible with all the paperwork there was. "Here, all of the murder cases in 2019, in this box."

"Thanks, Kuroo-san."

"I know it's hard Daichi, but don't you think this is too much?"

Too much? This will never be too much. There is so much to unfold and so much to discover, until the murderer is found, it will never be 'too much'.

Days passed, weeks have flown by. Nothing. Maybe this case was a lost cause, maybe Suga's murder will be a mystery that will never be explained. Daichi collected all the photographs of Suga in his apartment. With almost a year of not working, he couldn't afford his apartment and he was forced out by the landlord. He begged and cried to the landlord but the landlord refused, demanding the keys from Daichi at the end of the day.

This is it. The end. Years of memories wiped clean. The apartment was packed up with the help of Ushijima, Kuroo, Asahi, and Nishinoya. They helped pack up the furniture, reorganize the paperwork but Daichi never let them touch Suga's photos.

There were more than hundreds of pictures of Suga hung up in the apartment, if you didn't know Daichi was Suga's husband, you would've thought he was plotting murder or a really detailed stalker. Daichi didn't dare the throw away any single one of the photos, carefully removing them from the wall and keeping them neatly in a folder before tucking the folder in his bag. To him, the photos were a reminder of Suga, a fragment of his memory that he still has something to live for. Something in life to fight for. Daichi swore he would never give up until Suga's murderer was found.

"You ready to go Daichi?"

"I wanna be alone for a bit, you guys can go without me," Daichi said, waving the two policemen goodbye. They had come and help Daichi with the move, Daichi found a small apartment near Kuroo's place and will be living there, which was convenient since Kuroo could now check on the man whenever he wants.

Daichi grabbed his bag and put on his shoes. He took one last look at the empty apartment. It was like the day Suga and he moved in, they just got out of university, using their first paycheck and rented this small apartment downtown. Giddy and in love, this was the beginning of the end.

He got into his car and drove to the only place he can find calm. He knew the place like the back of his hand he could practically drive up there blindfolded and he still wouldn't get lost.

"Hey, Suga." He sat down in front of the slab of stone. 'I printed some more, look at how pretty your smile is." He took out the pictures and spread them in front of him.

"This one was right after graduation, your mom was crying so hard." He chuckled, and finding another one. "Oh, I love this one. This was during our senior trip with Asahi and Kiyoko-san, to Europe. Remember how you almost got bit by pigeons and you got so scared?"

This went on for hours, just Daichi going through his pictures and talking to Suga. The sun was setting and it was getting so dark he could barely see what was on the pictures. "I'm sorry Suga, I couldn't save it. The apartment is gone."

"Just give me answers, please. Tell me, I don't know what to do without you Suga. Do I keep looking? It's been a year but there isn't anything. No new clues, no new evidence. Give me a sign Suga, I beg you." A tear dropped onto one of the pictures, the ink smearing and creating a smudged dot.

A gust of wind blew away the pictures. The small pieces of paper blew into the air, almost as if they were choreographing their own dance. "No, no, no, no." Daichi scrambled to grab the pictures, but the wind blew stronger and more pictures were blown away, some falling onto the trees nearby, some flying into the horizon.

Daichi couldn't save those. He tried. As long and hard as he reached, the pictures flew further, escaping his grasp and flying with the wind, leaving him distraught.

"No, Suga, please. I already lost you, I can't lose this too. This is the only bit of you I have left." The wind kept blowing.

"Suga please!" He yelled, falling on his knees as tears spilled out of his eyes. "Just stay!"

So he yelled and he yelled, hands grabbing at the air trying to save what he has left, retrieving the fragments of memories he has of his husband. The empty hill echoed his cries, as Daichi leaned against Suga's grave, desperately trying to save the bits and pieces of his memories, his will to fight.

\------------------


	11. 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘴 - 𝘴𝘢𝘬𝘶𝘢𝘵𝘴𝘶

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: sakuatsu | sakusa kiyoomi x miya atsumu  
> word count: 2712  
> tw: war, mentions of bomb/chemical attack, death  
> note: angst week collection day 4 (prompt: broken promises, death)  
> type: angst

\------------------

Sakusa Kiyoomi was known for wearing a mask and hiding away from crowds. Everyone thought it was a germaphobe thing, or a doctor habit, which makes some sort of sense. They make jokes about how Sakusa would never come out of his corner during gatherings, or leave the house without a mask unless necessary. Sakusa took it all. He didn't mind, and they didn't know.

Only Miya Osamu knows. He was there the first time Sakusa put on that mask. The first time where he almost had a meltdown in a crowd. He was there when his brother left them both alone.

It was back when chemical weapons were being introduced to warfare. The Russians had started to use them against Japanese soldiers, dropping bombs and poisonous gas at army bases. The government didn't do anything, they couldn't send in gas masks cause 278 wasn't hit yet, and they can't produce them that fast.

Sakusa was a doctor at base 278. That was the base that got hit last. 235 was the first base to get hit. They weren't informed until letters stopped arriving, and it wasn't until the head told them the entire base was wiped clean that they knew the Russians were using chemicals. 218 was next, some of them escaped, running for days to another army base nearby but there wasn't a lot. The medics couldn't even go there cause it was basically like a hazardous ghost town.

So they got notices from the government, gas masks on at all times. So they complied, masks on at all times. They had resulted in writing their names in bright red paint on their uniforms, since their gas masks cover the entirety of their face, they couldn't see each other.

There wasn't much going on at the base, nothing dramatic at least. Soldiers go out to fight, come back injured, Sakusa takes out bullet wounds or stitch up large cuts, then off they go to the medbay or worse, they go home. There was this kid, however, Miya Atsumu. He was here with Miya Osamu, his twin brother. And boy weren't they the spotlight at the base. Strong, young, and efficient, the generals loved them. Sending them out on missions, awarding them medals, they were the star of the camp.

Until Atusmu started getting hurt a lot more often. He would pull his muscles, suffer a cramp on the field, or even just throw himself in front of a gun to protect his squad from showers of bullets. That's when Sakusa finally had time to get to know the kid better.

He was around the same age as Sakusa, got drafted to this camp when he enrolled in the army with his brother when they turned 18, since it was their father's dying wish. He was loud, kind of annoying in Sakusa's opinion but he filled the quiet clinic with life, which is great considering he is either patching up almost dying soldiers or having soldiers die on him.

Having a little life ain't so bad.

"Omi-kun!" Sakusa stopped his pen and looked up, Atsumu had walked into his office with a bright smile on his face. It wasn't his week out, his team goes out on the first two weeks of the month, then his brother goes out for the rest of the month. But since Atsumu was recovering from a broken leg, he's been stuck at base for almost a month.

"You writing up papers?" His voice was muffled by the mask. Only soldiers need to wear them, doctors were situated in the base anyway, don't need them yet. The soldiers were more prone to gas attacks since they are out in the field for so long.

Sakusa nodded, looking back at the paper he was working on. It was a patient file for one of the soldiers, Sawamura-san, who got injured and sent back to Japan after being in the middle of a bomb attack. Was a great guy, polite and respectful, unlike the piss-haired colored soldier at his door. "What do you want Miya."

"Teach me!" He limped to the chair next to Sakusa, propping his elbows on the desk and resting his head between his hands. He took off his mask and ruffled his hair. "You always look so stressed, is medicine really that hard? I just grab pain killers from the shelf when my leg acts up."

"Of course your brain cell-less brain would think it is easy, that's why your leg acts up cause you broke it stupid," Sakusa said, as he went back to filling up the document. "Go away, I'm working. And you should be resting."

"Nuh-uh! I'm bored! Teach me how you do your things!" He said, grabbing a random book off of the table and flipping through it. He read a page before putting it down "Yeah I have no idea what any of that meant."

"Of course, it took me 4 years to finish my course so I could get here," Sakusa mumbled, still focusing on his paperwork. "If you're going to stay here, at least make yourself useful. I have a bunch of files in that box that needs organizing. Why don't you get your lazy ass up and help me do that?"

Sakusa really meant that as a joke but Atsumu actually got up and limped towards the box and propped it up on one of the beds in the clinic and start to sort out the files. The rest of the day went by, thankfully, uneventfully. Atsumu kept the room lively with stories of him on the field, explaining the battles like it was some sort of fairytale. It was sad in a way, to have to scrape for happiness and optimism in a place filled with despair and hopelessness, but Atsumu seemed like he was jumping into a pool of joy, just radiating positivity wherever he goes.

Sakusa is thankful for that. Not that he will ever admit this.

The two got closer, enjoying each other;'s company while they work. Atsumu filling the depressing clinic with stories and just his pure optimism, and Sakusa learning to enjoy the boy's rambles and imagination. He would talk about the future, like how he would run back home and hug his parents when the war is done, go drink with his brother, maybe get a job at the local shop.

It's rare to see such hope in the base.

Until Atsumu was declared fit for work, the head had Sakusa do a full body check on the soldier. His broken leg was still wonky but good enough for him to head back into the field. It was the last evening before he heads up, and Sakusa was panicking. He knows what goes on out there, especially with chemical warfare getting more intense at both fronts.

As much as he doesn't want to admit it, he doesn't want Atsumu to die you know, that would suck.

Then Atsumu went on the field. And god Sakusa was worried. He would sit by the radio, or even hog it and put it in his clinic, just to listen to updates from Atsumu. There were bombings, gunshots and every pained wail was like a punch to Sakusa's chest.

He would be the first one to rush to the stretchers, making sure it wasn't Atsumu who was on it. And when he wasn't, he would let out a small sigh of relief before getting to work and patching up whoever was hurt.

Two weeks seemed like years, until the small jeep that brought Atsumu pulled up to the driveway. Sakusa practically bolted to the jeep and crushed Atsumu in a hug, earning weird stares from soldiers and officers around him. After all, Sakusa wasn't known for showing affection to literally anyone.

"You missed me this much huh."

"Shut up."

So they just stood there for a while, just feeling each other. Listening to each other's breaths, the soft rises and falls of their chest, their arms gripping the sides of each other. The life flowing in their blood.

Atsumu changed. It was expected, he wasn't on the field for almost 3 months and to suddenly throw him back into action was dangerous, but they had no choice, they were losing their front.

During the two weeks of their stay, Atsumu still helped out in the clinic, organizing paperwork. But there would be days where he was so exhausted from sleep deprivation that he would just pass out on the bed. And when Atsumu did actually fall asleep at night, he would wake up in cold sweat, yelling out names and crying, thrashing in the small bunk. He requested to move away, maybe a separate tent so that he wouldn't disturb the others, but Sakusa told him to stay at the clinic, they had left over beds there anyway.

So he did. There were nights Sakusa was woken up by Atsumu's screams, usually names. The most frequent name was Osamu's, then his and then some "Bokuto"s and "Hinata"s. He recognized those names, they were two soldiers who got sent home cause they got blown up in a nasty bomb attack a while back.

Sakusa tried to help Atsumu fall back asleep, it wasn't an easy task. Atsumu would be in shock, clutching Sakusa's hand and gripping it so tight Sakusa's fingers would go numb. He would have tears falling out of his eyes but a blank look on his face, just staring at the ceiling, unable to talk or do anything. When he finally came back, he could never fall back asleep. He told Sakusa once, the second he shuts his eyes, there will be visuals, nightmares that play like a movie.

So Sakusa found a way. There was a story book that one of the kids left behind after being treated at the clinic, so Sakusa would read a story to Atsumu and by the time Sakusa finishes the story, Atsumu's grip on Sakusa would be relaxed, his eyebrows finally not furrowed together and asleep.

The night before Atsumu left for the field again, both of them couldn't fall asleep. Atsumu had climbed onto Sakusa's bed, both boys squished on the same narrow metal bed frame, not really talking, just feeling each other's existence. Their hands were intertwined under the covers, legs tangled together, their faces millimeters apart.

"Atsumu-san." Sakusa started, the sun was coming up. They didn't have that much time left. He stared into the brown eyes,

they reminded Sakusa of chocolate, sweet and a bit bitter. "Promise me something."

"Yeah?"

"When the war is over, promise me you will continue to listen to me read?"

"Of course. Can't sleep without you reading to me."

The alarm went off and Atsumu disappeared into the horizon with the same jeep that brought him home.

Osamu kept Sakusa company while he was away. Told him embarrassing childhood stories, dumb pranks they pulled on their parents. It distracted Sakusa a bit from missing and worrying over Atsumu.

Two weeks went by, and Atsumu came home safely. They didn't send anyone out this time as it was too risky to try and fight off the Russians. So it was a rare day where most of the soldiers were at base, except for a couple who were out for watch duty.

Sakusa was reading Atsumu a story, some story about a small crow learning to fly despite a broken wing, and Atsumu was about to fall asleep when the alarm started blaring.

"Gas bomb." The announcer blared. Sakusa and Atsumu ran to the supply tent, which was already filled with people grabbing gas masks and putting them on.

Atsumu managed to put his gas mask on when he realized the rack was empty. He turned around. Sakusa didn't have a mask.

"Here take mine."

"Are there any left?"

"Just take mine"

"No, I'm not leaving you to die!"

"Take this Omi!"

"I won't! It's yours!"

They were running out of time, the propellers of the jets carrying the bombs were near, and Atsumu held Sakusa's hands down as he shoved the mask onto Sakusa's face, pressing it so hard it would leave marks.

"Atsumu let go!"

"Might need a raincheck on those bedtime stories." Atsumu gave Sakusa a smile as the sound of the bomb exploding almost deafened Sakusa's ear. He watched, through the small window in the crowded tent, the green gas seep through the weak fabric of the tent and into the space.

"Promise me to keep it on." was the last words Atsumu mouthed before his eyes rolled back, his hand leaving the mask as his knees gave out, falling limp onto the person next to him. It was so crowded there wasn't even space for Atsumu to fall on the ground.

Sakusa's eyes filled with tears. He was tempted to take off the mask and put it on Atsumu, as if it would save him in anyway, but Osamu, who was next to him, had already helped him fasten the mask, tying a tight knot around his head.

"O-osamu," Sakusa stuttered, looking at his brother with frantic eyes. "H-he can't, he promised!"

"Osamu do something!"

"Osamu!" He yelled and he yelled, the small window on his gas mask fogged up with his tears and wailing. He punched and he clawed at Osamu's arm, thrashing in his grasp as he waited painfully for the safe signal to be lit.

The crowd was getting overwhelming, Sakusa could hear buzzing in his ear as he quickly struggled out of the mask and cupped Atsumu's face.

"Wake up!" He grabbed Atsumu's mask and pressed it on his face. "It's your mask you idiot! It's your mask! Take it back! I don't want it! Take it back!"

He didn't care about the soldiers in the tent, watching him crumble. He thrashed and struggled as Osamu dragged him away from his lover, yelling things at him.

Atsumu's burial was two weeks later. The war ended a week after the burial. Japan lost.

Sakusa sat on his bed as he grabbed the storybook by his bedside table. Upon Osamu and the Miya parents' request, Sakusa had moved into the Miya household. It's not like he had anywhere else to go. His home in Hiroshima was gone, there wasn't any news from his parents so he assumed the worst.

"The dogtags, I'm not sure if you want them or not." Osamu walked into the room and handed Sakusa the chains.

_Personnel 0713_   
_5th Company_   
_278 Base_

Sakusa wore the chain around his neck, feeling the cold metal press against his skin. "Thanks Osamu."

"No worries." He is grieving in his own way. Sakusa has seen Osamu sitting in the living room staring at photographs of themselves when they were young, he would mumble Atsumu's name when he's asleep.

Sakusa couldn't get Atsumu's last words out of his mind.

_Promise me to keep it on._

So he did. He wore a mask everywhere he went, whether it was to the grocery store or at home. He kept it on, as a memoir to Atsumu and the promise he tried to keep. He's not breaking this promise.

He couldn't go near crowds, his lungs would contract, his heart rate would go up and he would feel dizzy. It was as if he was sent right back in time to that tent, watching Atsumu's life leave him. He couldn't deal with that.

Osamu knew that, so he would gently lead Sakusa away from crowds, allowing him to calm down before Sakusa gripped onto the cold metal chain on his chest.

They all have their own ways of remembering Atsumu. Osamu's was to make his favourite food all the time — onigiris. For Sakusa, were stories.

Osamu could hear Sakusa read stories at night, faint mumbling and sniffles. Osamu would hear Sakusa do the voices in the stories. He could hear him sob and break down, yelling into the pillow. But when he finished, he would continue to read. Osamu wasn't sure why Sakusa kept reading, maybe it was to himself, or maybe he had a small string of hope that somewhere, Atsumu is listening, falling asleep to Sakusa's soft voice.

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	12. 𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 - 𝘬𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘢

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: kagehina | hinata shoyo x kageyama tobio  
> word count: 1175  
> note: angst week collection day 5 + 6 (prompt: realizations, hanahaki disease, right person wrong time)  
> type: angst

\------------------

The rain drummed against his umbrella, he stared down at his shoes, the wet mud was staining the black leather. He shook them off, watched the mud fall back onto the ground. His black blazer was stained with raindrops, his suit got soaked too. The wet fabric uncomfortably clinging onto his skin.

The air around him was suffocating, he could hear sniffling and sobs all around him. The entire team was here, Tanaka and Nishinoya were oddly quiet, Tsukishima had swallowed back his snarky remarks and Yamaguchi was having a hard time stopping the tears from flowing. The third years were standing around him like they were his emotional support wall, Suga with a comforting hand around his waist as Daichi stood next to him, a hand on his back. Asahi was silent, his hair undone as he, most probably crying, staring at his shoes. Kiyoko had tears streaming down her face, her glasses fogging up. Ukai and Takeda were here too, so were some of his school friends.

He could spot his parents, his sister leaning against her mom as she wailed and sobbed, her mother wiping the tears on her face.

Kageyama regrets saying those three words to Hinata. The way his eyes watered, his hair drooped, his smile faltered and his lips started to quiver. Kageyama wanted nothing but to stab himself repeatedly in the guts for hurting his friend.

"I'm sorry Hinata."

"It's okay. I understand." He forced his lips to curve into a smile, but his voice wavered and cracked as tears kept falling from his eyes, over his cheekbones, and onto his shirt.

Kageyama got no sleep that night, his entire body pressed with guilt, for hurting his friend. He didn't love him, yet. He was too afraid of love to even think about loving another person.

Hinata was rushed to the hospital the next day. Ukai told the team to start training like Hinata will never come back. They figured out plays that won't involve Hinata but maintain their power, Kageyama needed to start setting for Tsukishima for fuck's sake, Narita was in more games than before, and Suga was subbed into the game more frequently than ever. That was when Kageyama knew he really fucked up.

From what he heard from his seniors and friends, Hinata has been coughing up flowers for the past year, right before the qualifiers started. Hanahaki disease, was what it was. A disease where victims' lungs start growing flowers and they begin to cough up flower petals when they suffer from unrequited love. And they cough up more and the pain intensifies until the roots invade their respiratory system and eventually suffocate in their own petals and blood.

He had the most horrifying nightmare that night he learned about this.

Kageyama wanted to visit him in the hospital, he really did. But he can't face his best friend lying on the hospital bed, probably hooked up to a million machines, knowing this was all because of him. He just, can't. He would stand in front of the hospital doors, watching the people walk past him, staff coming over and asking if he needed anything, but all he could do was shake his head and watch as the doors open and close repeatedly.

Kageyama had told Suga to try and persuade him to get the surgery, he'd never forgive himself if his best friend freaking died because of him. And apparently, many people did too. His friends, his teammates, even his parents couldn't get him to change his mind.

"If I die, I want to die loving him." was what he said.

Hinata was in the hospital for weeks, probably months. Kageyama didn't keep track. Every day went past exactly the same. He would bolt out of school with the intention to visit Hinata, finally stepping into the white building for once. But the second he sees the automatic doors, his mind would go blank, his legs freezing under him. He forced Sugawara to go with him too, but it was the same. Mind blank, legs frozen. Suga ended up visiting Hinata alone that day, and when he came out of the hospital, Kageyama was still there, at the same exact spot.

Then one day he received a text from Hinata on his phone, it was 3 am in the morning. Kageyama couldn't sleep that night. The text simply wrote, "Thank you for letting me love you, even though you didn't love me back." When he went downstairs in the morning, his mom and sister, who was rarely up before 1 pm, were both crying at the table. The moments they saw Kageyama walk out of their room, the two fell silent.

"Tobio..."

"What's wrong?"

"Hinata's..." His mom couldn't finish the sentence before she broke into tears.

"I'm so sorry Tobio," His sister finished for her. Hinata has been over at the Kageyamas for a few times and everytime he managed to make everyone's day better at the house, Kageyama's mom would serve cookies and fruits and Miwa would pop into the room just to tease Kageyama and laugh at him with Hinata.

"Oh." Was the answer Kageyama managed to stutter out, "I'm heading to school."

"Tobio, if you need to stay home for today, it's okay. Takeda-sensei told us the volleyball team is allowed to take a day off, or how long you need."

"It's okay. Bye mom, bye Miwa." And he closed the door. He didn't cry, he couldn't, there was nothing in him. He felt numb, and his legs dragged him along the familiar path to the bus stop where he would wait for Hinata every morning before school. Well, that stopped after Hinata got sent into the hospital.

_Hinata is dead because of me._

People were shocked to see Kageyama at school, and suddenly everyone cared and surrounded Kageyama with condolences and "I'm so sorry"s. They mean well, Kageyama knows that. But they shouldn't even talk to him, he was the person who basically murdered Hinata.

The casket were surrounded by Kikyou, a small pale purple bellflower. The flowers Hinata coughed up. Kageyama did a quick google search when Yachi told him about the flowers, turns out it symbolizes endless love, and honesty. _Even endless has an end, huh._

Kageyama felt a small tickle at the back of his throat as the casket was being lowered into the ground. This was goodbye then. The first person who trusted him, the first person to stick by him when he doubted his own self, his first friend.

_His first love._

There was something in his throat. It was like he choked on something. There was a burning sensation in his lungs, up his throat. Kageyama covered his mouth with his hand as he coughed, he felt something tickle his hand.

"Kageyama are you alright?" Sugawara asked, beside him.

He pulled his hand away, and on his palm, was a small pale purple petal, the edges lightly stained with blood.

A Kikyou petal.

\------------------


	13. 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘥𝘺 - 𝘵𝘴𝘶𝘬𝘪𝘺𝘢𝘮𝘢

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: tsukiyama | tsukishima kei x yamaguchi tadashi  
> word count: 3635  
> type: fluff

\------------------

"Again." She yelled, flipping the score to the beginning as Tsukishima readjusted his position and prepared to start over. His fingers pressed on the keys, the melody, and notes echoing in the room. He closed his eyes, forcing himself to look away from the score and focus on the music. His finger slipped and hit an E instead of an Eb.

_Again._

The endless repetitions, constant yelling has become a norm in Tsukishima's life. Every single day it was just, wake up, breakfast, school, lunch, go home, practice, sleep. An endless cycle of just playing the same piece over and over again. He would try to relax, maybe go grab a coffee with his brother, but he would get a bajillion calls from his teacher, demanding his location and telling him to come home at once.

He loved the piano. Back when piano was still a hobby, he would sit on the bench for hours, practicing his scales, from Bach to Tchaikovsky. His mom would have to drag him away from the piano and force him to do his homework or even eat. But ever since he started winning awards, the media started paying attention to "Tsukishima Kei, the piano prodigy", playing piano became a chore, a job instead of his passion.

"Tsukishima, the competition is weeks away. Are you trying to flunk it? If you are, just leave." His teacher screamed, slamming the score shut and glaring at her son. Tsukishima was used to it, his teacher would scream at him, yell profanities, and things like "Stop wasting your talent" or "Other kids aren't as lucky as you".

He stopped caring long ago. He would sit there, nod, and wait for his teacher to finish before starting again. His fingers aren't the choreographers they used to be, but robots that were programmed to move and hit keys as the score coded.

"Go home, get your head together, and don't come back until you are ready to actually be good at the piano." She closed the fallboard, not caring if it slammed on Tsukishima's hand. The latter winced as he immediately tried to pull his hand away from between the keys and the fallboard. This wasn't the first time this has happened.

"H-hello? Is this the, uh," A voice temporarily distracted Tsukishima from his throbbing hands.

"This is practice room A, who are you?"

"Ah fuck, room A. Where the hell is classroom 403?" He fumbled with the paper he is holding in his hand. "Don't even know why they gave me this when I can't see for literally my entire life."

"Classroom 403 is all the way in the med block, the heck are you doing here in the music block?" Tsukishima grabbed his scores from the piano, shoved them into his bag before making his way towards the boy. Upon further inspection, the kid had freckles on his cheeks, green hair with a strand sticking on top. He had a bag draped across his shoulders as one hand gripped onto a cane and the other onto the map.

"I- ugh, some random guy told me to go this way, maybe he was just messing with me. I'll be out of your hair quickly, sorry for disturbing you." The kid turned around and walked right into a wall, Tsukishima had to stifle a laugh before walking over and helping him.

"Wait," Tsukiyama called out, grabbing the boy by the shoulders. "How bout I walk you there."

"Ah that wouldn't be necessary, I wouldn't want to disturb or bother you," The green haired kid smiled as his face flushed red.

"I was just about to go there myself." Which was a straight up lie. He would never step foot into the medical building even if the entire campus was on fire and that block was the only block with water. Stuck up medical students hate him, and he hates them too.

"Oh, if so, it would be nice, thank you." The kid lightly held onto Tsukishima's elbow before the two started making their way to the medical block. It was awkward at first, Tsukishima could see people sending them stares and curious glances. I mean it's not everyday when Tsukishima Kei, the piano wonder, being held by the elbow by another human being, walking towards the medical block.

But when they eventually made it, the kid had the brightest smile on his face, Tsukishima swore it made his heart skip a beat.

"Thanks! Uh, I never caught your name."

"It's Tsukishima."

"Oh you're the guy that's really good at the piano! Wow I wish I knew how to play. Also, I'm Yamaguchi, nice to meet you!"

The two bid farewell and Tsukishima made his way to the car park, getting into his car and driving home. Once he did, he threw his bag on the floor before flopping onto the couch with a tired sigh.

"What is up little bro?" Great, on top of getting his fingers slammed on, his brother is back. Don't get him wrong, Tsukishima loves his brother. But sometimes one Tsukishima is enough.

"A Disney movie," Tsukishima said, pushing his brother away who was draped behind his back. "I'm tired, leave me alone."

"Nah, you have some explaining to do." His brother shoved his phone in his face.

He squinted as the bright screen shone directly on his face.

Oh shit, his teacher is going to murder him.

Here's the thing. Tsukishima Kei was known for not having friends. One being he has zero, and by zero I mean, like empty-space zero, social skills, kids run off crying after talking to him. And two, his teacher never allowed him to have friends, said it "distracted from your passions and will make you go the wrong direction."

So when Tsukishima Kei was seen with another human being who was safe and not being held hostage, or crying. It is truly a remarkable sight.

And as if on cue, his phone started ringing. He placed the phone on the dining table, pressed answer, and stepped back.

"Tsukishima Kei! What the hell do you think you're doing? Fooling around with some med student before your competition? Do you want to be a med student now? If yes, go sign the papers! If not, stop hanging out with losers and start practicing! Winners don't slack off!"

The yelling continued but for once, Tsukishima wanted to hang up. The way she said Yamaguchi was a loser pissed him off. From the mere minutes they met, Tsukishima knew he wasn't a loser.

"Shut up." And he hung up.

"Yamaguchi! You're famous!"

"Ah Hinata, you're being really loud." Yamaguchi had to cover his ears when Hinata was practically bouncing off the walls, muttering something along the lines of "I'm the famous kid's friend!" "My Yams is famous!"

"Oh shit sorry." with that being said, Yamaguchi could feel Hinata taking a seat beside him on the bed. "So what's your plan now?"

"Keep a low profile?"

"Dude that's not possible. Tsukishima Kei has, like, millions of girls, and boys, and folks in between, simping all over him. There are fan pages of that man. And he is famous for not ever hanging out with other people and he got caught hanging out with you? Boy, you are either going to be stepped on by a ton of fans or live the 'Y/N' life."

Well that sucks.

"Well is he hot at least?" Yamaguchi asked. If he was going to be trampled to death by fans, at least he has to go knowing the guy looks decent.

"Hot? Dude, this guy single handedly caused global warming." Yamaguchi could feel Hinata waving his hands around, he always does this when he's excited or exaggerating something.

"If Kenma-san heard you, he will poke a hole in all your volleyballs," Yamaguchi commented.

"Okay, hear me out. Kenma is cute, Tsukishima is hot. We are talking about two different worlds here buddy." Hinata ruffled Yamaguchi's hair. "How the heck did you get the cold, distant Tsukishima Kei to talk to you anyway?"

"I accidentally went to the music block instead of the med block."

"H-how? That's the like on the other side of campus?"

"Well thanks to a person who ditched me for his boyfriend, I ended up trusting a dickhead that tricked me to going to the music wing instead of the med wing. So thank you very much Shoyo."

"Tadashi," Hinata said, dragging out the "i", "I'm sorry! Kenna said he wanted to try out a new game so I had to go or he'll make this face which is irresistible and I will have no choice but to listen to him."

"It's alright Shoyo."

"Then what are you going to do now?"

"Finish my assignment cause I barged in my first class 30 minutes late."

"Fair enough."  
-  
"Are you planning on answering?"

"No."

"Well I don't plan on having it ring for the rest of the night, Kei. It's 3 in the bloody morning."

"Sleep on the couch."

"I'm still going to hear your disgusting ringtone."

"You made it into Justin Bieber, you fix it."

"Ugh." He could hear his brother roll on his side on the top bunk. As weird as it sounds, yes, the Tsukishima brothers still share a bunk bed in the same room even though both are in university. Since Akiteru wasn't home too often, Kei occupies the room, and only clears out the top bunk when Akiteru comes to visit.

His phone eventually stopped ringing when Tsukishima's phone ran out of battery, he threw it at the end of the bed and buried his face in his pillow. He has been thinking about the freckled boy all day. The way his hair flew under the wind, his freckles, his hand holding onto his elbow.

Yamaguchi Tadashi. What a cute and beautiful name.

When he walked into the practice room a few hours later, he could feel his teacher's anger radiating off her. If looks could kill, Tsukishima would be having a tea party with Satan right now.

"What is this?" She shoved a phone in his face. What's the deal with people shoving their phones in others' faces?

"He got lost, I helped him out." He took the scores from his bag and placed them on the rack. "Just drop it." He took off the cloth from the keys but his teacher's hand stopped him.

"If you are not serious about the competition. Get out. I don't want to see you ever again."

Tsukishima sighed before he said, "Fine. I won't make friends anymore, you happy?"

"You're twisting my words."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

As he aimlessly played Chopin's Étude Op. 10 No.4, he couldn't help but let his mind wander. What does being a Piano Wonder really mean? Aimlessly letting his fingers fly across the keys? Or to sacrifice your social life and having friends, in order to line up medals and trophies on a wooden shelf at home.

He could feel the flame in his heart start to dim, his passion for piano starting to fade. Should he quit? He doesn't feel the thrill when he sits down on the bench and gently puts his hands on the keys. The giddy feeling and the butterflies when he walked on stage for a competition disappeared after being signed up to hundreds and hundreds of different competitions. The satisfaction of finally being able to play that 2 bars he's been struggling with for weeks, he hasn't felt that in a long time.

Should you continue to do things that no longer make you happy?

"Your fingers are stiff, try again."

"Maybe if you didn't slam the fallboard on my hands, my fingers wouldn't be aching right now."

"Excuses. Agrerich didn't stop when her fingers bled, Beethoven didn't stop when his ears failed him. Stop making excuses and start again."

"I don't want to!"

"Then leave!"

"Maybe I will!" He pushed the scores off the rack, papers flying in the sky. He's tired. Tsukishima is tired of the piano. He doesn't want to play anymore, his fingers hurt, his eyes burn when he sees a single quaver.

Tsukishima stormed out of the practice room. He didn't bother grabbing his bag, he had nothing valuable in there anyway, he left his wallet and phone at home and his car keys were in his pocket. He turned the corner and crashed into someone.

"Ah I'm so sorry!"

"Yamaguchi?"

"Oh Tsukishima-san! It's you again. Sorry, there were people chasing after me and I didn't know where to go and the only place I've been to is the music block so I just ran here."

"You ran?"

"Hey, blind people can run too!"

"How did you know there were people chasing you?"

"It isn't too hard to tell when someone starts screaming "catch my boyfriend stealer!" in public all of a sudden and you hear footsteps."

"Oh. I'm sorry I guess."

"I should be the one apologizing, I bumped into you after all."

"But you already apologized."

"Shoyo wasn't kidding when he said you had no social skills."

"Hinata-kun?"

"You know him?"

"He's the annoying brat in the volleyball team, always coming over to the art block to find his boyfriend." Tsukishima recalled. Orange hair, loud, bouncy. How the hell does Kenma-san tolerate him?

"Anyway, I'm sorry for bothering you! I'll be on my way, hopefully not to get trampled by fans!"

"I was just heading out anyway." He wanted to go home, or in fact, anywhere else but campus.

"I thought you had lessons? Words spread."

"Argument with teacher, don't want to talk about it."

"Well how about we go on a walk? Fresh air and the scent of grass always calms me down."

Anything but the campus.

"Sure."

The two made their way to a little park which was beside the campus. It was still rather early, most of the people were either in class or working so the park was pretty empty. Yamaguchi didn't have class until later in the afternoon and Tsukishima, well, we know.

They took a seat on a bench facing the fountain. There were occasional elderly people walking by, some dog walkers shooting them weird looks as they got dragged by the dogs.

"So piano wonder huh?"

"You saw the thing?"

"Shoyo read it to me."

"Ah right, cause, eyes. You- uh, your eyes."

"I'm blind. It's okay to say it."

"Is it rude if I ask how you, you know, happened?"

"Car accident when I was little, visual nerve got cut off and whoop, total blindness."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's been almost 20 years, I'm fine."

"Okay."

"So how did you get into piano?"

"Started off as a hobby, turned into a job when my mom found out we could earn money from it." Tsukishima glanced down at his hands. His knuckles were still a little red from being slammed down by the fallboard.

"That's tough."

"Eh. How did you get into medicine?"

"I'm going to be really cringy and stuff but I love how doctors will do their best to help a patient. I mean, I can't do surgeries and stuff, not without a large amount of assistance, but I can still, you know, pursue psychiatry, which is what I'm majoring in."

"That's awesome."

"I think it's pretty awesome you know how to play the piano."

"I can teach you." Tsukishima wasn't sure why he said that. His mouth moved faster than his brain could process the syllables escaping his mouth.

"Okay."

Since Tsukishima lived quite close to campus, and by close, it's a 5-minute walking distance, his mother thought that it would benefit him to live closer to campus so he could have lessons closer or something.

Tsukishima unlocked the door and kicked off his shoes. His brother was out, thankfully, or he's never going to hear the end of this.

"Uh, make yourself at home?"

"You've never had anyone over in your life, haven't you."

"Yeah. You can just put your bag on the couch."

Awkward silence.

"Right fuck, you have no idea where the couch is."

Yamaguchi let out a chuckle as he imagined Tsukishima getting flustered over embarrassing himself. "It's alright, just show me where it is."

"I'll take your bag." Tsukishima took Yamaguchi's book bag off his shoulder as he placed it on the couch. "Right, now, piano time."

Tsukishima took Yamaguchi's hand and placed it on his elbow before moving towards the piano slowly.

"How big is your house when walking to the piano feels like ages." Yamaguchi chuckled, as he felt the bench beneath him and sat down. He felt around for the keys before using his index finger to press down on one.

"That's an A."

"Well, that's better than an F."

So the two just sat there, pressing around the keys and Tsukishima teaching him the notes and pitches.

"Can you play something for me?"

"Huh? P-play something? Uh alright, let me just grab my sc-"

"Play from your heart. I don't want you to play those fancy pieces, just play something you like."

Yamaguchi stood up and made his way around the bench so that he is now behind it. Tsukishima sat down, for the first time in his life, he had no idea what to do. Where to put his hands, what keys to press, what piece to play. It was always, concerto after concerto, sonata after sonata. Whether he liked it or not, he played.

"Stop." Yamaguchi's hand landed on Tsukishima's. "You're overthinking this. I don't want long pieces that you've played. It doesn't even need to be a song, play something you can actually feel."

A pair of hands took off his glasses and covered his eyes.

"Find it. Find your melody."

Tsukishima placed his hand back on the keys. His thumb found the middle C as he played an Am chord.

Then it just came to him.

It was a somber melody, slow yet you can feel the rage. Like someone trapped in a cage, begging to be let loose. The delicate treble notes were perfectly supported by the steady bass notes. Heavy, grand.

_"It's dark in the woods, I've lost my way._   
_The road back is dark and gray._   
_Who I am, Where I am. No one knows._   
_It's been years since I last saw my own reflection"_

The words flowed out of Tsukishima's mouth, singing a soft melody as his fingers danced on the keys. Yamaguchi has never heard such a beautiful, yet sad melody.

If you told anyone this was improvised, no one would've believed you.

Tsukishima's fingers ultimately came to a stop as he played the last note, and Yamaguchi could feel his hands getting wet with tears. He could hear a sob break from Tsukishima's lips as his shoulders started to shake.

"You okay Tsukki?"

"I'm good." Was all he managed to stutter out. As cheesy as if sounds, and probably sounds like it came from a badly-written fanfiction, Tsukishima felt different.

Instead of programmed code and endless semi-quavers, it was finally his turn to write the melody. Not some ancient old pianist, not his teacher, but him. He was in control of his fingers. He was the choreographer of them, guiding them where to go, what to do.

Tsukishima slumped against Yamaguchi who was behind him. He was sweating and was out of breath from playing. But god, that felt awesome.

The next day when Tsukishima walked into the practice room, his teacher was already glaring holes on the back of his head. He adjusted the bench and sat down. And he played. He threw away every single care in the word and immersed himself in the music. Feeling his body move with the notes, his heartbeat being his metronome. He was in control.

When he finished the piece, he felt great. No longer defeated, or having his teacher yell profanities at him. For once, his teacher was actually speechless.

"Tsukishima, that was wonderful. What happened? Have you finally come to your senses?" His teacher sat down beside him.

"Friends. Friends happened." He said with a scowl. He's used to this. His teacher acts all nice and supportive the minute she sees a slight chance of Tsukishima winning. He's sick of it.

"I'm not competing in the competition."

"But why? With this level, and what you just did, you'll win for sure! And you'll get even more media coverage and soon enough, Carnegie Hall will be sending emails begging you to go play there!"

"That's the point. I want to play the piano cause I like it, not because of winning and all that bullshit. Sure, winning sounds nice, but I'd rather enjoy it, and now, I'm not. So goodbye."

He got up from his seat, tucked his scores back into his bag and left the room, slamming the door behind him.

He made his way home, flopping onto his bed and let out a relieved sigh as he felt the soft fabric under him. He dug his phone out from his pocket, finding the number he never knew he would call, and pressed "call".

"Tsukishima?"

"Yeah Hinata, is Yamaguchi there?"

"Oh alright, yeah, using me to get to sweet Tadashi, aren't you? Listen here you little sh-"

"Just give him the phone."

There was a bit of shuffling on the other side, followed by the sweet voice Tsukishima knew.

"Tsukki?"

"Would, uh fuck, would you like to, you know, come over? So I can teach you of course, not any other funny business. I mean, if it is okay with you. Uh, I can send you the address and Hinata can bring you here, wait no, I can pick you up if you want. Of course, if you are comfort-"

"Of course. I would love that."

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	14. 𝘥𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘬𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘣𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 - 𝘥𝘢𝘪𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘢

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: daisuga | sawamura daichi x sugawara koushi  
> word count: 1401  
> type: fluff

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"Jesus Daichi, you've gotten heavier." Suga wrapped one arm around Daichi's waist and threw Daichi's arm around his shoulder before kicking the door close with his foot and getting the shit out of the house.

"When people say you're the responsible one, make sure to tell them to take a look at you now." He grunted as the younger boy slumped against him, tripping over his own feet. "You're a really lightweight god."

Suga dragged the (slightly) taller boy and made their way back to their dorms. His class decided to throw a graduation party before school officially ended and there was a bit of alcohol involved. And by a bit, I meant a lot.

"Suga," Daichi mumbled, his face flushed red and his eyes droopy. "M'want to pee."

"What?" Suga shrieked, probably woke a few of the neighbors up. "Well, can you hold it?"

"Heh, just messing around." Daichi's lips stretched into a lazy smile as he leaned against Suga, who almost fell from the added weight.

"The heck made you think it's a great idea to drink so much? If the first years saw their captain this drunk, they'd be shook." Suga huffed and repositioned himself so he had a stronger grip on Daichi's waist. "To think I would be the drunk one and you're the designated driver. Look how the tables have turned."

"I don't wanna walk," Daichi slurred, letting loose of Suga's hand and crouched on the floor. "Carry me Kou."

"No, you're heavy."

"Please Kou?" Daichi pouted, sticking his bottom lip out and widening his eyes.

"If this means getting back sooner, fine." Suga crouched in front of the loopy Daichi and lifted him up, making sure he wouldn't fall or potentially do something stupid before they made their way back to their dorms.

"Mmmm." Daichi buried his head in the crook of Suga's neck. "You're warm."

Suga's face flushed red, and if it wasn't 3 am, everyone would have thought Suga had an allergic reaction or something. Daichi's face was way too close to Suga's neck, Daichi's breath tickling his skin. Suga could feel the rise and fall of Daichi's chest on his back, his slightly warm arms wrapped around his neck.

_This is bad. Rule number 1: Don't go home with your crush alone. At night. Especially when he is wasted._

Suga has been crushing on Daichi ever since he laid eyes on him the second he stepped into the gymnasium in his first year. Yes, he's been hopelessly in love with the man for more than 2 years. Either Daichi is too nice a person to reject him, or he is just as oblivious as a brick cause even Kageyama picked up on the signs. The team, mainly Tanaka and Noya, have been whining and telling Suga to grow some balls and confess, especially when they are graduating in less than a month.

"Suga." Daichi's low voice made Suga's heart skip a few beats.

"Yes Daichi?"

"I'm gonna miss you." Daichi's voice wavered a bit as his grip around Suga's neck tightened, the warm air escaping his mouth, hitting the latter's skin."Don't want to leave you."

_It's the alcohol talking. Just the alcohol. He's wasted, he doesn't know what he's talking about._

"Suga! Don't ignore me! I'm gonna miss you!"

Suga didn't really know how to respond to that. Daichi was never too open about his feelings, especially stuff like this. He rarely mentioned being sad about graduating, or leaving the team, so it was very out of character for Daichi to just randomly announce that.

"I'm gonna miss you too, okay? Now hang tight, we're almost back."

They made it back to the dorms after Suga had to carry Daichi up on his back for three flights of stairs because to quote the principal, "the students need their exercises anyway".

He managed to unlock their door with great difficulty, balancing Daichi on his back while digging for his key in his pocket. Suga was tempted to just throw Daichi on the ground the second they stepped foot into the dorm _but that's not a nice way to treat your crush, is it?_

With one last huff, he kicked their bedroom door open and gently laid Daichi on his back on the bed. Suga felt his back muscles had grown twice their size from carrying Daichi back. He isn't too tall, but damn he got muscles.

The elder helped take off Daichi's shoes, knowing he hates having his shoes on his bed. When he finally managed to wiggle off the shoes, Suga tucked Daichi in, making sure he was warm and wrapped up, only his head poking out.

Suga was about to leave when he felt a hand on his. He turned around only to find Daichi's eyes on him, slightly open but staring at him nonetheless.

"I love you Suga."

_It's the alcohol._

"Nah, you don't. Go sleep Daichi, I'll wake you up tomorrow."

"No Suga, I'm serious."

Suga didn't dare to look at Daichi, he's sure he is identical to a tomato right now, he could feel his face getting redder every second, his heart pounding oh-so loudly against his chest.

_He doesn't know what he is talking about._

"I love you."

Suga couldn't contain the smile on his face. Even if it was the alcohol talking, it sounded like music to Suga's ears. He dreamt about this moment for years, imagining and fantasing again and again this scene in his dreams, only to wake up to his alarm or his mom shaking him awake.

"I have loved you since the day I saw you."

"You're drunk Daichi."

"Drunk words are sober thoughts." There was still a little slur in his words, but he could picture Daichi's face. His eyebrows furrowed together, his gaze determined and strong, staring directly into your eyes. God his eyes will make your knees weak and just all soft and mushy inside, well if he isn't using the you-are-about-to-die glare.

"You're not going to remember this tomorrow morning."

The silence broke Suga's heart. He knew it was true, Daichi knew. Hungover mornings, forgotten memories.

"Then let me remember this moment, just for now. For however long I can. Please"

Suga turned on his heel, biting his bottom lip as he glanced at Daichi. The younger was on the bed, supported by his elbow as he looked at Suga. Under the soft moonlight, Suga could make out the faint blush on his cheeks, the lopsided smile.

"I love you Kou."

"Do you have any idea how long I've waited for you to say this." Suga's lips curled into a smile, his cheeks flushing red if it was even possible. He sat down on the side of Daichi's bed as the other's hand found his and intertwined them.

"I'm sorry it took getting drunk to tell you this."

"Will you remember this in the morning?" There was always this rare possibility that he would remember, but Suga has watched enough movies and TV shows to know that it never happens.

"Just lay here with me." Daichi pulled Suga down, the latter letting an "oof" escape his mouth as he got dragged down onto the bed. Daichi had wrapped his arms around Suga's waist, the older boy tucked firmly in the younger's embrace.

_Please remember this in the morning._

When Daichi woke up, he was a bit confused so to say the least. He felt blood rushing to his cheeks when Suga was beside him, their shirts riled up probably from moving in the night, his bare back touching Daichi's bare stomach. Their legs were a tangled mess under the sheets and Daichi's hands were still intertwined with Suga's.

Despite enjoying this position very much (even if he is very confused), his arm had fallen asleep as Suga slept on it for the whole night, so he reluctantly wiggled his arm out, feeling the sweet sensation of blood rushing back to his fingers.

He grabbed his phone beside him, only to see a picture and a text from Asahi.

"Took you long enough you big baby."

The events from the previous night (or should I say, a few hours ago) came flooding back, leaving a wide smile on Daichi's face as he put down his phone and turned back, only to be greeted by the most beautiful pair of brown eyes.

"Morning Suga."

"Morning Daichi."

"I love you."

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	15. 𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 - 𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘰𝘺𝘢 𝘺𝘶𝘶

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: nishinoya yuu  
> word count: 2027  
> song recommendation: "in case you don't live forever" -ben platt  
> type: angst

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Everyone knew Nishinoya could be quiet, but no one has ever seen him this silent.

The bi-colored hair boy had his head hung low, his shoulders drooping as the raindrops dripped from the tip of his umbrella onto his blazer. His feet were grounded to the floor as he stared at the wooden box, hoisted by a couple of wooden beams. The strand of blonde hair stuck to his forehead, as silent tears streamed from his eyes, staining his cheeks.

_"You put all your faith in my dreams,_   
_You gave me the world that I wanted._   
_What did I do to deserve you?"_

"Oji-san, I'm scared! Where's mom and dad?"

"Nothing to be afraid of buddy, your parents are too busy to come to their son's game but I'm here so that's even better. C'mon, let's go!"

"But what if I mess up?"

"Then you'll know not to mess up the next time!"

So 6-year old Nishinoya changed into his volleyball shoes, unwrapped himself from his grandpa's legs, took a deep breath, and walked onto the court.

"You got this kiddo!" He heard his grandfather yell from the stands. He spun the ball in his hands and served it, right into the net. The ball thudded onto the ground, and Nishinoya's eyes grew wide. Laughter erupted from the stands and on the court like a pent-up volcano, the poor kid could feel millions of eyes staring at him, teasing him.

"That's alright, kid. You gotta learn how to mess up before you ace it right?" He heard his grandpa in the midst of all the laughter. A smile spread from his lips as he ran back to his spot as the other served.

"Bring it on!" He muttered and reached out his hands, in perfect form like his grandpa taught him. He glanced up and saw the ball spinning at high-speed towards him, his lips curved into a smirk. He took a step back, and yelled at the top of his lungs, "I got it!" as the ball hit his arm, reflecting it perfectly towards the setter in front of the net.

"Nice receive Noya!"

_"I follow your steps with my feet,_   
_I walk on the road that you started._   
_I need you to know that I heard you, every word."_

"Go to one of his games, please, the kid's one of the best out there. I played, I know a good player when I see one."

"Dad, it's just a hobby. He's gonna grow out of it like every other random hobby he did. You said he liked to bike, look at that bike now, it's rusting in the garage."

"I'm sorry dad, our company got caught in a whole swirl of mess and we don't really have time to go watch his games."

"But he's your son for fuck's sake!"

"Mind your language, he might be awake."

"It's fucking 12am. I put him to bed. What have you done for your child except for leaving him all alone? If it wasn't for me last year, he would've been all alone in the house. He's only 7!"

"Look, I'm grateful you're taking care of Noya while we're working, but stay out of it. He's going to be fine. There are a lot more kids younger than him out there who are way more independent than he is. If you don't want to take care of him, it's fine. I'll hire a nanny or something."

"God, no. He's my grandson. I'm not just going to leave him alone with a stranger. How about moving in with me, you can visit whenever you like, at least I won't have to be too worried during the night."

"Yeah, sure. Whatever you want, old man."

"He's going to be one hell of a volleyball player, just sit and watch."

Little did the adults know, Nishinoya was standing by his door, his blanket in hand and his eyebrows furrowed, listening to his grandfather fight for him.

_"I've waited way too long to say,_   
_Everything you mean to me."_

The priest stood by the wooden box, a bible in hand. Nishinoya doesn't even know why they decided on a religious service, his grandpa wasn't religious in any way.

His hand fiddled with the bracelet on his wrist. It was a simple blue string, with a small circular metal charm. The charm was made by his grandpa, it was a present for him when he was born. The small stone was shaped in a circle, no larger than a thumb, with his first name carved on one side and his last name carved on the other.

"This is for only the two of us okay? No one in the world has them other than the two of us. If you ever get scared, remember, oji-san is always here with you."

_"In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now._   
_I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around._   
_In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth,_   
_I'm everything that I am because of you."_

"Oji-san?"

"Yes Noya-kun?"

"Why do people die?"

"Cause they had so much fun living, now they need to rest a bit."

"But I'm having fun now! Does that mean I'll die soon?"

"Silly, you're too young. There is a whole world you haven't explored yet. One day, you'll get to see how fun the world is out there, and you won't want to come back to grandpa!"

"No! I will never leave! Grandpa is the best! I don't want to go! Don't make me go!"

"Oh kiddo, don't cry! I won't make you go, alright? Now let's watch some TV."

"I love you oji-san."

"I love you too Noya-kun."

_"I, I've carried this song in my mind,_   
_Listen, it's echoing in me._   
_But I haven't helped you to hear it."_

"Mom? Dad? Where are y'all rushing to?" Nishinoya came out of his room, only to see his dad and mom frantically put on their shoes and grabbing the keys.

"Your grandfather is in the hospital. Doesn't look good," His father said, slipping on his shoes and opening the door. "We might not be back for dinner, if you need any money, just ring the neighbors and explain, I'll pay them back when we're back."

"Wait, I wanna come too!"

"Just stay here for now alright?"

The door slammed shut and Nishinoya could only stare at the wooden door in front of him. His knees buckled as they came in contact with the hard wooden floor.

_Oji-san is in the hospital?_

His mind began to race as millions of possibilities started flooding his mind. The worst case scenario seemed to stick with him the most.

School was underwhelming for him that day. His receives were sloppy, the ball was bouncing off his arm in all directions but the right one. Everyone was shooting him worried looks and Daichi had him leave practice early because it is obvious to everyone he wasn't there mentally.

He wanted to go visit in the hospital, to see if there is any good news to relieve the heavy weight in his mind. But the text from his mother sent him breaking down in the middle of the street.

"He's gone Noya."

_"We, we've only got so much time_   
_I'm pretty sure it would kill me_   
_If you didn't know the pieces of me are pieces of you."_

There were so many words and things Nishinoya wanted to say to his grandfather. Endless "thank you"s, hugs, "I love you"s. He wanted to spend more time with him, play more volleyball, ride a bike to watch the sunset, heck he would willing eat a whole bucket of bell peppers if it means getting to see his grandfather again.

His grandfather was the only one who truly believed in him when no one else did. He was the one who enrolled Nishinoya in his volleyball class, telling him to get a sport and actually grow a pair of balls. He was the one who made Nishinoya into the man he is now.

He wished his grandfather could see him now. The man he is, not the scaredy-cat he was back in the day. He's one of the best liberos out there, enjoying his life and playing for his team. He's nothing without his grandfather.

_"I've waited way too long to say,_   
_Everything you mean to me."_

"Would Yuu like to speak a few words?"

Nishinoya dragged his feet to the casket, standing next to the picture of his grandfather smiling cheekily at the camera. It was taken during one of their family portrait sessions, everyone was taking all serious pictures when his grandpa was simply goofing off, pulling funny faces and making everyone in the room laugh until they got the hiccups. It was one of Nishinoya's favorite photos of him.

_"In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now._   
_I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around._   
_In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth,_   
_I'm everything that I am because of you."_

"Thank you grandpa. For everything. You were there when I just started volleyball, and you were there when I won the best libero award. You were there every step of the way."

His hands started shaking as he balled them into a fist. He glanced at the wooden casket. If it wasn't his grandfather who was inside, he might even have said it looked beautiful. The sides were decorated with delicate carvings and a lily wreath was placed on top of it.

_"I have a hero whenever I need one,_   
_I just look up to you and I see one,_   
_I'm a man 'cause you taught me to be one."_

"Oji-san was the bravest man I know. He taught me how to be brave, and discover myself. He was always there for me, no matter big or small. Whether it is a moth that flew into my room, and I was screaming my head off, running out of the room for help, or it was learning how to receive, my hands bruised up and red. He was always there to help me, to teach me. Oji-san taught me so many things. I am the person I am today because of him."

He turned to face the casket.

"I hope I will make you proud oji-san."

_"In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now._   
_I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around._   
_In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth,_   
_I'm everything that I am because of you."_

He went back to where his seat was and stood there. He stared at the casket as it was being lowered down to the ground, disappearing from Nishinoya's eyes. Part of him wants his grandpa to pop out of the casket and said it was all a joke, to tell him to not be scared. But he knew better than that, this was real life.

And real life is scary.

His father and mother walked over to the casket, throwing their lilies in the hole, Nishinoya followed. His heart ached as he let go of the flower, watching it drop onto the wooden cover of the casket. He made his way around the casket before heading back to his seat.

The men in black began to dig soil into the whole. Every shovel tore Nishinoya away from his grandfather, he could feel him leaving him. His shoulders began to shake as hot tears rolled down his face, down his chin, making marks on his navy blue shirt. He turned his focus onto his shoes, not daring to continue looking at the men dragging him further away from his grandfather.

The cold metal on his bracelet touched his skin. There was a sense of comfort that rushed through Nishinoya as he heard his grandfather's voice in his mind: "Oji-san is always here with you."

_"Whoa, whoa._   
_In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth,_   
_As long as I'm here as I am, so are you."_

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	16. 𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴 - 𝘰𝘪𝘬𝘢𝘸𝘢 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘳𝘶

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: oikawa tooru  
> word count: 953  
> note: this is about oikawa going through sensory overload, I am not a professional but this was merely inspired by personal experience  
> type: fluff

\------------------

_Earphones in. Earphones. Where are my earphones? Fuck, earphones, it's too loud, fuck I need my earphones. Where is it? I remember putting it in my bag this morning, shit this is not good. It's too loud, I need them. I need them now._

Oikawa threw his bag on the ground, giving up on trying to find his earphones as he clasped two hands on his ears, shutting his eyes as hard as he can, collapsing on the floor as he desperately tried to block out the noises around him. The footsteps, the breathing, the ticking clock, everything was too loud. It was screaming at his face, he couldn't focus on anything else.

His hand on his left ear was suddenly replaced with a single earbud, then his right. Then the noise was gone. Instead, the overwhelming noise was greeted with soft music, no lyrics, just a piano playing away.

Oikawa felt like he could finally breathe again. His lungs stopped acting against his will as he took a deep breath, glad he could feel air reach into his lungs again.

He kept his eyes closed, he didn't want to open them. He didn't want to see other's reactions, or any other things that might further overstimulate him than he already is.

A hand was placed under his arm, it was a gentle touch., warm, comforting. It tugged upward so Oikawa stood up. A hand supported his waist as Oikawa and the man walked to a new destination.

The person sat Oikawa down on a chair, and he could barely make out switches going off.

He didn't even realize he was picking and scratching his own skin when a pair of hands gently pried his own away from his arm. He felt the hands hold his, just on the fingertips, the thumb rubbing small circles on the backside of his palm.

The soft piano music and the circles on his palm was just right. Everything was finally back to a controlled state, and Oikawa slowly opened his eyes.

A familiar pair of dark brown eyes met him. Iwaizumi.

He let out a sigh of relief as he lightly squeezed the hand, as if it's a small thank you for helping him out.

The two sat there for a while, just breathing and focusing on each other's presence. Soon, Oikawa took off the earphones and handed them to Iwaizumi.

"Keep it, you'll forget yours somewhere again. And if I hadn't found you, what would've happened." Oikawa felt a small blush

crept on his face, as he lowered his head to avoid eye contact with the person in front of him.

"Call me next time you feel overstimulated okay? I'm here to help." Oikawa could hear the worry in his voice, nodding to answer him as he clungnged onto his hands.

"Do you want to talk about what happened? You haven't been overstimulated for a long while. Is it practice? If you need to take a break it's alright, don't force yourself." Iwaizumi brushed a strand of hair away from Oikawa's face, lightly caressing the boy. "It's okay if you don't want to talk, that's completely fine."

Oikawa shook his head, he wasn't ready to talk about anything yet. His mind was exhausted from being sent into overdrive. His eyes were red and swollen from crying and his hand was still shaking in Iwaizumi's grip.

"Do you want to change into something comfier? You don't like tight clothing, I have some sweats in my locker, do you want them? They might be a little short on you though." Oikawa nodded and Iwaizumi turned to leave the room.

A sigh escaped his mouth for what seemed like the thousandth time. He rarely has sensory overloads, at least not as much as he did when he was a kid. He would kick and scream if he was too overwhelmed and his mother would drag him outside, demanding him to calm down which usually took a long while.

It scared Iwaizumi a lot when he saw how bad the sensory overload can get with Oikawa. And music usually helps him calm down so he always has a pair of earphones in his bag just in case anything happens.

Iwaizumi returned to the room with a pair of sweats and more baggy clothing. He knew Oikawa prefers baggy clothing, especially after being overstimulated when his nerves are still on edge, if his clothes or tags stick to his skin, he would get even more anxious.

The elder boy handed the younger his clothes, before making his ways to the blinds to shut them off so Oikawa could change without other people staring. He stood with his back against Oikawa, knowing he might feel self-conscious if Iwaizumi looked at him when he was changing, even though Iwaizumi had seen Oikawa practically naked before.

"Do you want to go to the nurses' office? Or do you want to head home?" Iwaizumi asked, handing Oikawa his water bottle.

"Home." Oikawa muttered, drinking from the bottle.

"Alright, I'll just go and tell the teacher alright, sit tight."

Iwaizumi came back into the classroom rather quickly, holding Oikawa and his bag. "C'mon Tooru, let's go."

Oikawa put the earphones back in, just in case everything was too overwhelming for him outside.

The two made it back home, and Oikawa had flopped onto his bed the moment they arrived, feeling much more at ease back at his house and comfort environment.

Iwaizumi sat at the edge of the bed, running his hands through Oikawa's chestnut hair, softly massaging his scalp, humming a soft tune.

"Thanks Iwa-chan."

"Not a problem." With that, Oikawa finally let himself relax under Iwaizumi's touch, falling into a much needed slumber.

\------------------


	17. 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘣𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘬𝘢𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘪 - 𝘣𝘰𝘬𝘶𝘢𝘬𝘢

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: bokuaka | bokuto koutaro x akaashi keiji  
> word count: 1619  
> type: fluff

\------------------

"Sora, no, the flour goes inside the bowl, not outside the bowl."

"But Daddy! It looks like snow!"

"Yes I know it does baby, but we're trying to make a cake for Papa, not for papa to come murder us for messing up the kitchen alright?" Bokuto frantically tried to wipe away the crime evidence as his two twins decided it would be a good time to roll on the flour.

Bokuto nearly screamed before prying the two twins off the kitchen counter and setting them on the floor.

"What are we here to do?" He frowned as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He just wanted to make a cake for Akaashi, why is this so hard? Right, 4-year-olds, they are hard.

"Make Papa a cake!" Kousho squealed, hands flinging a good handful of flour in the air, caking the small child in a coat of white. The blood on Bokuto's face drained as he saw the two kids, all caked with flour and the kitchen looks like a drug deal gone wrong.

"Yes, we are here to make a cake, so can you two please just, work with me for a little while? After that, you can play okay?" Bokuto was on the verge of breaking down honestly, he felt like Trina in Falsettos aggressively chopping up a banana.

The keys jingling outside the door were not helping Bokuto. The larger man tried to shove all the flour remains to the trash, only to miss and have them fall on the floor. The twins were excited though, it probably looked like it was snowing at that moment.

"Kou, I'm back!" Akaashi's voice made Bokuto's heart skip a beat, not the exciting kind, he was sure he was going to get murdered by his husband for making a mess in the kitchen. "What in the world is happening?"

Bokuto felt like a deer caught in headlight as the twins ran and clasped onto Akaashi's leg, staining his black dress pants with flour and probably a million other ingredients in there.

"I-, ugh, I was trying to make a cake with the twins, but Sora thought the flour looked like snow and just-, I'll clean it up later Kaashi, it's your birthday and I messed up the simplest thing, I'm so sorry."

Akaashi couldn't stay mad at his husband, he looked adorable in his apron, flour in his hair and on his face, he could barely see the black highlights in his hair from all the flour. "It's okay babe, let me shower and I'll come to help you with the cake alright?" He dropped his bag on the couch and ruffled the twins' hair.

"Papa is going to go shower okay? Do you two want to come?" The twins nodded enthusiastically and ran off to the bathroom, leaving the two adults in the kitchen. "Don't worry Kou, I'm not mad." He leaned in and gave a peck on Bokuto's cheek, and the latter's face just grew redder.

"You wanna join us in the shower?" Akaashi never proposes things like this, it's usually Bokuto who's being all flirty and touchy. This was splendid but it's leaving Bokuto very flustered. And small Bokuto down there was very excited indeed, not appropriate for the kids so Bokuto fought every inch of his body to refuse.

"I-uh, I'll just go clean up." Bokuto's face probably looked somewhat identical to a tomato right now as he turned on his heel and scrambled to the kitchen, wiping up the flour and whatever was on the floor and counters.

Akaashi chuckled as he grabbed some clothes from his room and went into the toilet. As soon as Bokuto heard the door shut, he got into work. Scrubbing the stains (don't question it, he doesn't know what it is either) on the counter, emptying out the big mixing bowl as all the calculations were off anyway.

With Bokuto's speed-stress cleaning, the kitchen looks somewhat decent when Akaashi and the twins made it out of the bathroom. The twins were dressed in small overalls, Sora was in a tiny yellow sweater and blue overalls (Bokuto thought Sora looked like a minion, but way cuter, don't tell Akaashi that), Kousho was in a baby blue sweater with red overalls. Akaashi changed from his suit and tie into a pale brown sweater, one of Bokuto's, and he had taken off his contacts and put on his glasses.

Bokuto's lips curled into a wide smile as he saw his family. He's in love. He's helplessly in love with his husband, he loves his twins to death. He can't help but feel so lucky to have them by his side. He doesn't see his twins often, with tournaments and practice and all, it was usually Akaashi taking care of the kids and their babysitter, it was rare for Bokuto to get a day off, but Bokuto had begged his coach to let him off for just this one day, to let him celebrate with his husband. The coach couldn't really say anything as Bokuto had thanked him and ran off already.

"What's got you smiling so wide Kou?" Akaashi grabbed an apron off the hook on the wall and tied it around his waist. "C'mon kids, let's make a cake shall we?"

With Akaashi here, the process got much smoother, and way less messy. The cake was mixed and in the oven within the hour and the kids were done with the baking, scrambling out of their fathers' grasp and running off in the hallway.

Bokuto leaned back on the island with his arms supporting him, letting out a tired sigh, only to have Akaashi move in front of him, inches from his face. What is up with Akaashi today?

"Baby, the kids are awake, we can't do it now."

"I know." Akaashi's smirk scared Bokuto, but at the same time made his brain go blank and woozy. The younger connected their lips and cupped Bokuto's left cheek with his hands. The elder sucked in a deep breath, standing up before wrapping his arms around Akaashi's neck.

"Ah! Papa and Daddy are kissing!" He heard a squeal behind him and the two adults pulled away in lighting speed. The twins were behind them, with Kousho's hand covering Sora's eyes, with a horrified face. "Ew!"

Bokuto took the opportunity to run and scoop up the two twins on each arm, peppering the two kids with kisses, erupting squeals and giggles from the two. "Are you two jealous? That Papa is getting the kisses and not you? Hm?"

Akaashi stood at the back with a smile on his face until a ding from the oven made him turn his head. The twins hopped off of Bokuto's arms and pressed their faces against the oven window, wincing when they realized it was hot. "Careful baby, let Papa take out the cake, and then we can decorate it okay?"

The twins cheered and Akaashi grabbed the oven mitts and set the cake on the counter. Akaashi mixed the frosting as Bokuto and the twins started to layer the cake. For some reason, Bokuto wanted a three-layer cake, for no specific reason. He just wanted a three-layer cake.

"Can we write 'Happy Birthday Papa' on the cake?" Sora tugged on the hem of Bokuto's shirt.

'Of course bubs."

"Wait can we write, Akaaji, uh no, Akaami? Ah, I forgot Papa's name!" Ever since the twins started learning how to write names, they have been whining to write their father's name on practically any surface they have access to.

"Akaashi baby, can you say it after me?"

"Akaamshi," Sora said, a smile spread across his face.

"Close enough."

The Bokutos finally managed to decorate the cake without making too much of a mess. The twins ended up misspelling Akaashi's name, who were horrified when they learned the truth but Akaashi reassured them by furiously attacking them with kisses.

Bokuto lit three candles on the cake and dimmed the lights in the room.

"Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to Papa! Happy Birthday to you!" The twins sang, surprisingly in tune and Akaashi was about to blow out the candles until Kousho slapped a hand over his mouth. "Papa you need to make a wish!"

Akaashi chuckled and closed his eyes.

_I wish to spend the rest of my life with my family._

"Papa! What did you wish for?" Sora excitedly said, climbing up on Akaashi.

"Stupid! You can't say your wish out loud or it's not going to come true!" Kousho said, hitting Sora on the shoulder.

"Okay now, calm down." Bokuto sat down next to Akaashi and leaned in to peck Akaashi's lips. Akaashi smiled in the kiss until the two of them felt two cold, and slimy hands on their cheeks. Their eyes widened as they saw the twins with a handful of cake in both of their hands, giggling as they smeared the cake on their fathers' faces. Akaashi and Bokuto took the opportunity to grab a handful of cake themselves and squished the twins' cheeks, earning a loud squeal from the two of them.

When the four decided it was time to eat the cake instead of playing with it, half of the cake was either on their faces or their clothes.

"Happy Birthday baby." Bokuto smiled as the two twins started a small cake fight between the two of them. "I have a present for you ready in our bedroom."

"Thank you, Kou." Akaashi smiled, his hand finding Bokuto's hand and intertwining them. "Love you."

"Love you too."

"I love you Papa!"

"No way, I love you guys more!"

"Nuh-uh, I love you the most-est!"

\------------------


	18. 𝘪 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 - 𝘮𝘪𝘺𝘢 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘴

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: miya atsumu + miya osamu  
> word count: 3072  
> song recommendation: brother -kodaline  
> type: fluff

\------------------

_"When we were young we were the ones,_   
_The kings and queens oh yeah, we ruled the world._   
_We smoked cigarettes, man no regrets_   
_Wish I could relive every single word."_

"Ah Osamu no, get away from me!" Atsumu ran, his hands over his head, flailing around as he desperately climbed over the couch to get away from his brother.

"Nuh-uh, you're the one who stole my food! I'm gonna make you pay!" His brother was following closely behind, his hands reached out as he tried to catch up to his brother.

"Kids. Stop before someone gets hurt." Their mother sighed, turning on her heel as she pinched the bridge of her nose. It was like the two boys were born to fight. Whether it be a piece of lego, some paper, or in this case, food, it will always end in a chase.

But of course, 7-year-olds never listen to their parents or they wouldn't be called "children".

Osamu was about to jump over the couch when his leg tripped over the arm, sending him crashing onto the ground, an evident "thud" followed by an ear-piercing scream.

Atsumu, being the older sibling, wanted to go over and check on his brother, but he knew for a fact if he went over his mother was going to yell at him till no tomorrow. So with the intelligence of a 7-year old, he stood there.

"Oh my god! Osamu, are you alright?" As expected, his mother rushed by his side, crouching before the younger twin as he continued to wail and scream.

The worry in his mother's voice was not helping, he could feel his heart thump and his legs threatened to run, but he was downright terrified. Did he hurt his brother? He was the elder for god's sake, he was supposed to protect him! That's what all the other adults say!

"Tsumu, I think your brother needs stitches, and I need to take him to the hospital, go over to the neighbors alright? Just sit tight, me and Osamu will be back soon."

Atsumu couldn't even mutter a reply before his mum ran out the door with a crying Osamu in her arms. He walked over to his neighbors and knocked on the door.

It was about an hour after they left and Atsumu was getting more and more agitated. They haven't come back yet and according to a 7-year-old, if your brother and mother go to a hospital and don't come back in an hour, something really bad has happened.

He's been guarding the front door for the past hour, fiddling with his fingers as he hoped the door in front of him would open, but it was still closed. The nice lady offered him crackers and biscuits, even made him his favorite onigiri, and said he could drink cola if he came in, but he wouldn't budge.

"Nakamura-sama, can you bring me to see Osamu please?" He ran over to Nakamura, tugging on the hem of her dress. "Please?"

"Just sit tight okay? Your mom and your brother will be back soon."

"But I have to see him! Osamu gets scared when he's alone!" Atsumu had tears falling from his eyes, as the tiny grip on the fabric tightened. "Please take me there! I'll be good I promise!"

She eventually gave in and Atsumu ran back to his home and grabbed a small blanket with an onigiri pattern, knowing Osamu would be very agitated without it before the two made their way to the hospital.

"My brother! Where is my brother!" Atsumu had shaken off Nakamura's hand and ran to the reception desk, causing people's heads to turn.

"Who's your brother kid?"

"He looks like me! Just shorter! And, and he has the same hair as me and I accidentally hurt him and I'm sorry and I miss him! And Osamu doesn't like being alone so I have to be with him! Please take me to him!" He was wailing on top of his lungs, not caring if everyone was looking at him. He just needed his brother.

"Okay okay kid, Osamu is it? Osamu Miya? He's in Room 231, he's just getting stitches alright? He'll be out soon." The nurse ruffled Atsumu's hair as he crouched down to his level.

"But Osamu will be scared! He needs his blankie!" Atsumu said, shoving the pale blue fabric in the nurse's face.

"Alright alright, they might be almost done, I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to have a little visitor." The nurse reached out his hand as Atsumu gladly held onto it, before the two (and the neighbor) walked down the hallway.

Cries can be heard a whole corner away, and Atsumu's eyes widened as he looked at the nurse before breaking away from the grasp and running towards the crying.

"Osamu! Osamu! I'm here!" He ran into the room, climbing onto the bed and gripping his brother's hand.

"You don't have to be scared anymore. I'm here, Osamu."

_"We've taken different paths_   
_And traveled different roads_   
_I know we'll always end up on the same one when we're old_   
_And when you're in the trenches_   
_And you're under fire I will cover you."_

A shove was all it took for Atsumu to crash into the lockers, sending his books and his bag flying to the ground. He frantically tried to pick them up but a push on his side made him fall sideways, the paper scattered across the ground.

He could feel eyes everywhere, everyone staring and laughing at him. _Why do they hate me so much?_

"The hell are you doing?" A familiar voice came to the rescue.

"Your brother is a fucking loser, you must feel like shit."

_You're shit. You're burdening your brother. You will never be good enough. Your brother hates you._

"He's my brother and only I get to say that. Now scram before I spread your brains on these plain grey lockers that need some dark red." Atsumu heard a snicker before some footsteps receding.

"The hell you're all looking at." The hallways cleared in a second and Atsumu felt like he could breathe again. He sat against the locker, head in his hands as he tried to regulate his breathing.

"Don't listen to them Tsumu, you got me."

"Leave me alone Samu, you're better off without me," Atsumu said, picking up his own books and shoving the crinkled paper into his bag. _If he keeps hanging around me, he's gonna get bullied. I can't let that happen._

"The hell you're saying? They're just jealous you're actually good at volleyball. And you just started too, so stop listening to those dumbasses and get up. We got practice and I'm sure Aran-san is going to do a cool spike again."

"Setters are cooler."

"Yeah yeah I don't care."

"Thanks, Samu."

"I got you bro."

_"If I was dying on my knees_   
_You would be the one to rescue me_   
_And if you were drowned at sea_   
_I'd give you my lungs so you could breathe"_

"Samu!" He set his toss to his brother's hand, praying it was right at that spot.

A loud smack followed by a whistle was heard and cheers erupted from the stands. He felt his feet touch the floor and immediately looked over at his brother.

It was their first official competition and that was their match point.

His head snapped to the scoreboard, broke out into a smile when he saw the 25-23 on the board.

He joined his brother in the huddle as the coach debriefed the team.

"Atsumu, your sets are too rushed, no one can receive it. Make sure you consider your teammates' conditions and feelings, don't do things that people can't go through with."

"But Sam-"

"That's only one person. A good setter makes sure every toss can be spiked. If only one person in the team can spike it, why does it matter? You send great tosses, but you're not a good setter. And you never will be until you learn this."

The joy of winning the match slowly faded as Atsumu processed the coach's words, they made sense but it still hurt. _Maybe you'll never be a good setter. You can't even toss to your teammates, what kind of setter can't toss to his team?_

"Yea Tsumu, to be honest, you aren't that great of a setter, your sets are always too fast or too quick, no one can connect it.." A kid beside him snickered, shoving his shoulder. The rest of the team followed, somehow thinking contributing to the insults was a good way.

"And can you send great tosses? No. Did your tosses work? Absolutely not, they are even harder to hit than Tsumu's. So, shut the fuck up."

"Osamu, language."

"You aren't even trying to stop them from obviously bullying my brother and you're telling me to mind my language? Sorry, old man, no can do." A sigh of relief left Atsumu's lips as he felt a hand over his shoulder.

"Don't mind them, you're great and I love hitting your tosses. I got you bro."

_"I've got you brother-er-er-er_   
_I've got you brother-er-er-er_   
_I've got you brother-er-er-er_   
_I've got you brother-er-er-er."_

"Guys? Where's Samu?"

"Who cares, dude's probably got distracted somewhere. Just go, we can call him later."

"His phone died! Did none of you remember that?" Atsumu was worried, it was getting late and the sun was setting. His twin brother is missing and apparently his teammates do not give a single flying fuck.

"'Miya, he'll be fine, he's 14, he won't get, I don't know, abducted or something." The others continued walking forward but Atsumu froze in his step. He knew something was off, his twin senses were tingling in the worst ways possible.

"Go on without me, I'll go look for him." He waved them goodbye but not before hearing one of them mutter, "I knew the Miyas were cowards."

He was too angry and worried to talk back. Osamu hates the dark, and he is absolutely terrified of being alone. So the two mixing together right now is the last thing that needs to happen.

"Samu?" He yelled over the crowds of people. They were at a festival down at the docks when somehow Samu got lost, and with the sky getting darker and darker, Atsumu grew more worried.

"I'm the better twin! Come out and fight me!" He yelled, hands around his mouth. Except for the weird looks from the passing pedestrians, nothing. No witty comebacks, no Samu popping out from behind yelling "I'm the better twin".

But time was ticking and Osamu was still nowhere to be seen. Atsumu has retraced the group's footsteps, going back stall to stall asking for his twin only to be welcomed with shaking heads and "I don't know"s.

There was one place he was wary about, and he wasn't sure if his twin was really there but he took a bet and walked down the docks to the beach. The beach was a famous spot in town, not for its views or whatever, but that it was rumored to be haunted. However, two wild boys, haunted beaches are their rendezvous.

The twins used to hang out at the beach every day after school, kicking and messing around in the sand. It was until school started getting hectic and busy that the two didn't visit every day.

He took off his shoes and took them as he walked down the stairs to the beach. It was empty, like it usually was. But Atsumu had a hunch that his twin brother was there.

"Samu!" Atsumu was growing more worried by the second. The sun has fully gone behind the hills at this point and the beach was pitch black. "Samu!" He walked along the shore, hearing the waves crash against the sand under his feet. He loved the sound, but now he didn't have time to sit and enjoy any bit of it. His brother was missing.

"Tsumu?" Atsumu snapped his head back, looking around frantically for his brother.

"Samu?" Atsumu picked up his pace and started to run on the sand. "Where are you?"

There was a small shadow next to a tree behind him, and there Osamu was, curled into a small ball on the sand.

"Samu!" Atsumu ran towards him and threw his jacket around his brother. "Where have you been? I thought I lost you!"

"Can we go home? Please?" Osamu looked up at this brother with teary eyes, the tears glistening under the moonlight. Atsumu helped his brother up, and picked him up in piggy-back style.

His hands tightly held Osamu's arms around his neck, as if the second he let go of his brother would slip away again. Osamu had fallen asleep on Atsumu's shoulder during the walk home. His head on Atsumu's shoulder and his legs wrapped around the elder's waist.

When the two made their way home, their parents had already gone to bed and the house was pitch black. Atsumu laid Osamu on his bed and was about to leave the room when he was held back.

"Stay please."

"Yeah of course. I got you man."

_"Oh brother, we'll go deeper than the ink_   
_Beneath the skin of our tattoos_   
_Though we don't share the same blood_   
_You're my brother and I love you that's the truth"_

"Tsumu, all the kids don't like you."

"So? I got you!"

Atsumu never really cared about what others think. Well, that's a lie. He did, when he was younger but as he grew up, he learned that no one's opinion actually mattered.

Who cares if he was absolute shit at tossing or cooperating? Who cares if everyone hates him? The whole world can turn against him, chasing and threatening to throw him under and Atsumu wouldn't blink an eye.

He had his brother. No matter how much he pisses him off, or steals his clothes or food. No matter how many times they argue, they would always end up crying and in each other's arms.

They were each other's motivation. The thing that keeps them going. They push each other to their best, with their insults and subtle competitions.

Without Osamu, there won't be an Atsumu.

Osamu was there. And that's all Atsumu cared about.

_"We're living different lives_   
_Heaven only knows_   
_If we'll make it back With all our fingers and our toes_   
_5 years, 20 years, come back_   
_It will always be the same"_

When Atsumu broke the news to Osamu, the younger was slightly worried. This was the first time the twins were separating for so long, and Atsumu doesn't even know when he's coming back.

"You're moving to Tokyo? Have you told mom yet?"

"You're the first one to know. They scouted me, I can't throw this away. Omi-kun is there, Shoyo-kun and Bokuto-san is also there." Atsumu hung his head low, fiddling with his fingers, a habit he does when he is hiding something.

"That's fine. Though they should've scouted me, I'm obviously the better one." Osamu said, slapping a hand on the other's shoulder.

"Can you come?"

"To Tokyo?"

"Yeah."

"A letter came in the mail yesterday, school offered me a full-ride."

"Oh. So you're giving up volleyball?"

"Yeah."

"No, you can't! No one gets my quicks like you do! This is dumb! I can put in a good word for you! I'm sure they still have spots for an opposite hitter, come with me!"

"I can't Tsumu."

"But you're good and without me you're going to be bored!"

"Hell no, I'm going to have a great time without you stealing my food."

"W-well fine! I'm gonna get so many medals you're gonna get jealous of me!"

"I bet you twenty meals that I'm gonna be happier than you when I die."

"I bet you twenty-five!"

"Pussy."

"Dumbass."

"When are you leaving?"

"Next month."

"Okay."

_"If I was dying on my knees_   
_You would be the one to rescue me_   
_And if you were drowned at sea_   
_I would give you my lungs so you could breathe."_

The whistle blew and his knees crashed onto the floor.

It was his set, he messed up. They lost.

His hands started to shake as tears fell rapidly onto his palms. He could hear his teammates muttering beside him but he couldn't listen to them. His set messed up, Hinata didn't catch the quick, the ball fell onto their court.

"It's okay Atsumu."

He shook his head as he joined the line and bowed. Atsumu walked off court, as tears blurred his vision and wetted his jersey. He couldn't face his teammates now, not after he let them down.

Just as he was about to leave the stadium, he walked into a pair of arms which wrapped around his waist. The familiar smell of rice, seaweed and salmon.

"You did great bro."

"Fucked up."

"Everyone makes mistakes, you're fine."

"No."

"Your teammates won't blame you. It was a long match, your stamina has been used up, you're tired, it's okay. Here," Osamu dug out a warm onigiri from his bag. "Straight from the shop, fatty tuna onigiri, your favourite. Eat up."

"Thanks Samu."

"Stop crying or you're going to treat me twenty meals."

"Thank you."

"I got you man."

_"And if we hit on troubled water_   
_I'll be the one to keep you warm and safe_   
_And we'll be carrying each other_   
_Until we say goodbye on our dying day"_

"Tsumu!"

"Oh so you decided to visit your obviously handsome, hotter and richer brother?"

"Yeah shut up, I'm here to ask you something." Osamu closed the locker room door and made his way to Atsumu, who was changing from practice earlier.

"So, you know me and Suna-"

"Yes I've seen it all over your Instagram, you're engaged big deal."

"Well I'm here to ask you something."

"Yeah, shoot."

"Can you be my best man?"

That made Atsumu stop in his tracks. His hands stopped drying his hair as he looked up at his brother.

"Seriously? You're not going to ask, like, Kita-san or Aran?"

"You're my best friend and my twin brother, I can't not ask you to be my best man."

"Hell yeah!"

"If I'm not the best man at yours I will seriously consider stopping your life-time supply of Miya Onigiris."

"You have my word bro."

_"I've got you, brother-er-er-er_   
_I've got you, brother-er-er-er_   
_I've got you, brother-er-er-er"_

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	19. 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘮𝘢𝘴 - 𝘶𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘯

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: ushiten | ushijima wakatoshi x tendou satori  
> word count: 2026  
> tw: bullying, divorce, brief mention of underage drinking  
> type: fluff

\------------------

Unbeknownst to most people, the Shiratorizawa volleyball team has a very special nickname for Ushijima when December rolls around, it's "The Grinch". No one really questioned why Ushijima despised Christmas since the captain wasn't too big on festivals or holidays. So when the team got the news Ushijima despised the holiday, they were not really shocked or surprised.

But no one really decided to find out why Ushijima really hates Christmas, except for Tendou. He has noticed this about Ushijima ever since the two met. Whenever Christmas was brought up, he would go silent and try to change the topic. But with Ushijima's awkwardness, people really don't take notice when he talks about another topic.

Tendou knew it was something other than religion. If Ushijima didn't celebrate Christmas because he was religious, Tendou would have understood and respected, like it's fine. But the last time Tendou checked, Ushijima was very much an atheist. And also, atheists can celebrate Christmas! But Ushijima's strong opinion of the red-green holiday left Tendou very much in the dark.

Tendou wanted to figure out why. So here he is, a few days before Christmas, knocking on his best friend's dorm room, wanting answers. Tendou absolutely loves Christmas, he loved gathering with his family and friends, exchanging presents, and drinking warm chocolate around the tree, with soft music playing in the background. Christmas was a time for family and friends.

"Oh hello, Tendou, what brings you here?" Tendou shuffled into the house, leaving Ushijima very confused at the door. "Is anything wrong Tendou?"

As expected, the house looks exactly the same as usual. No lights, no Christmas tree, no presents or cookies for Santa. Just the plain old Ushijima household. Tendou frowned as he saw the emptiness in the house. It looked sad, like really sad. The boring brown wood walls were glaring fireballs into Tendou's brain and the lack of festivity was painful to watch.

"Would you like something to drink? Tea?" Ushijima asked from the kitchen, already bringing over a tray with a teapot and small cups. "Is everything okay Tendou? Were you getting teased again?"

"I'm wonderful, but what isn't wonderful is how boring your house looks." Tendou took a sip of the sencha Ushijima had offered. His favorite.

"I don't see the problem. I like my house like this." Ushijima looked around the house. "What is bothering you Tendou?"

"What are you doing on Christmas?" Tendou asked, staring right into Ushijima's eyes.

"Uh, nothing. Do you like the tea I prepared? My mother brought new tea leaves." Ushijima's eyes focused on everywhere else but on Tendou.

"The boys are hosting a party, just the volleyball club, you want to come? Even Goshiki is coming." Tendou asked, setting the cup on the coffee table before stretching his legs across the couch, taking over the area.

"No thank you. I have homework."

"No, we don't Ushi, I'm in the same class as you," Tendou said, raising an eyebrow at the younger boy. "I just want to know why you don't like Christmas, that's all. It's totally fine, I'm not judging, I just want to know."

Ushijima looked down as he chewed on his lip. There was a reason why he hated Christmas, but he hates talking about it. It just brings back unpleasant memories and he would not want to live through them again.

"You know I hated Christmas when I was a kid too. I was teased a lot, no one invited me to their Christmas parties, I had no one to exchange gifts with, and my parents work late during Christmas nights, they don't really celebrate. Christmas was always lonely for me, it was always me in an empty home, sitting in front of the tree and praying that Santa would bring gifts. But of course, we don't have chimneys, Santa would never come. Well, that's what I thought anyway."

Tendou could feel Ushijima's eyes on him.

"But when I met you guys, Christmas became fun. I looked forward to it. It was the one time I could be free and just enjoy everyone around me. I had you guys, I wasn't alone anymore. I didn't have to buy my own present with the money I saved up for a year, I can finally look forward to something." Tendou could feel his heart aching, the loneliness he felt years ago creeping back. The nights where he spent thinking of when his parents would come and celebrate with him.

"I remember I would cry while opening my present that I wrapped myself and put under the tree that I decorated myself. I would have to decorate it and immediately take it down that night cause my father would be furious why I had the tree up. I learned it the hard way. I was 8 that year, and I had forgotten to take down the tree cause I fell asleep after I opened my present. I woke up with the decorations scattered and broken on the floor, the leaves not even on the tree but covered the floor. My parents weren't home, but I figured one of them must've ripped everything."

Ushijima moved to sit next to Tendou, sitting there silently for his best friend.

"But the first time I received a present, it was from Semi actually. He got me a really dumb shirt as a joke, but I still have it. It was the first time I got a gift from someone else other than myself. I didn't want to wear or wash it cause I was afraid I would ruin or make it dirty. It's still in my closet."

Ushijima leaned against Tendou. He's not sure how to comfort him, or what to do in that matter, but he read somewhere when you want to comfort someone, you show that you are there for him. And the best way Ushijima can show that he is there, was that.

"It's okay if you don't like Christmas, but just know you aren't alone during the holidays." Tendou stood up, taking one last sip of sencha before Ushijima grabbed his hand, stopping the elder from leaving.

"My parents divorced on Christmas. I always thought Christmas couldn't be celebrated cause my parents divorced. I was the reason they separated, I don't deserve to be happy on Christmas." Ushijima stood up, muttering under his breath. He didn't like admitting it, but it did feel slightly better now that he told his best friend about this.

"Waka, you aren't the reason they divorced. You had nothing to do with it." Tendou knew how much his parent's divorce affected him, but he never knew it was this serious.

"It feels like it." Tendou wrapped his arms around the taller one. "Every Christmas I was reminded of them. My mother tries to make it better by making gingerbread but she stopped when work got hectic and she just doesn't bother anymore. It's fine Tendou, I'm used to it."

Tendou's grip on Ushijima's waist remained tight as the former sighed into the latter's shoulder.

"If you come to the party, even if it was only for a while, I promise I can show you I can make Christmas more memorable." Tendou said. He had this plan in his mind for a long while, now Semi can finally get off his back.

"Just for a while."

"I promise I'll make it worthwhile Ushi."

Christmas soon rolled around, and Ushijima has been staring at Semi's door for the past ten minutes. He wasn't sure what Tendou was going to do, he definitely was hoping it has nothing to do with his parents. He's seen it in movies: the best friend tries to make the main character's parents back together by inviting them to the same place but it usually ends very badly.

But at the same time, he can't help but be very curious. Tendou was known for his antics and surprises, he knows how to throw a great surprise. It's well-known, so when Tendou texted him that morning and told him to look forward to it, Ushijima was drawn in almost immediately.

He took a deep breath and pushed open the door. The iconic Wham! song being played on repeat. The team was scattered throughout the house, Ushijima could see Shirabu forcing food down Goshiki's food, Tendou having a dance-off with Soekawa in front of the television.

Goshiki was the first one to notice their captain standing awkwardly at the door, looking very lost and confused, his hand still on the doorknob.

"Ushijima-san!" The black-haired yelled and Tendou's head whipped towards the direction of the door. He broke into a large smile, pausing the TV and running (accidentally pushing two of his teammates in the process), and stopped in front of his best friend.

"You made it!"

"I promised."

"Come on in!" Tendou gripped Ushijima's waist and pulled him into the house, the team cheering when their captain finally showed up. They soon went back to what they were doing, except Tendou's spot in the dance-off was replaced by Ohira.

Tendou led Ushijima to the kitchen, which was relatively less crowded than the living room and dining area, and handed Ushijima a can of soda.

"I'll tell you the surprise later, for now, just have fun. They have been waiting for you." Tendou sent Ushijima a wink before returning to the dance-battle, leaving the latter very flustered and heart pounding wildly.

Tendou said to have fun, so Ushijima did. He sat with the team as they played truth or dare, played drinking games that Ushijima was conflicted whether he should stop since they were all underage, but he decided against it anyway. They were safe and drinking responsibly, so he didn't object.

It was until the Secret Santa part where Ushijima wanted to run towards the door. Tendou didn't mention anything like this, and this caught him very off guard. He didn't prepare a present, he didn't even know who he was supposed to give a present to. No one told him.

Ushijima's palm started to sweat as he watched his friends exchange presents, smiles on their faces as they examined their presents with awe. Great, now he looks like a douche for not bringing anything.  
It was Tendou's turn to receive a present when no one spoke.

"Oh, Ushijima was my secret santa."

"I'm so sorry Tendou, I didn't-"

"Hush, I know you don't know about this, so I prepared a present for you in advance. You only have to answer this question, your answer is my present." The shaking in Tendou's voice scared Ushijima, was he going to announce something really bad? Was his best friend going to die and he needs his organs? If that was the case, Ushijima would gladly donate everything he can to save him. He loves his best friend.

"You got this Tendou!" "Finally. I've been waiting for this since I came out of my mother's womb." "Wait, is anyone recording? I need video evidence." "Yes, I'm recording now shut up."

"Ushijima Wakatoshi..."

"Yes, Tendou."

"I've liked you since I first met you. You made me feel accepted and for the first time, I was confident in myself, I didn't feel like I was something to be feared off, well off the court of course. People better be scared of me on the court. But what I'm saying is that you made me feel whole Ushijima. And I don't want to be best friends anymore, can you please be my boyfriend?"

The team's eyes all focused on Ushijima, but they weren't getting any clues. He didn't blush, there was no smile on his face. For a second, the team was scared that they needed to help cover and help Tendou.

"Yes." The moment the syllable left Ushijima's lips and broke the silence, the team cheered. Tendou's lips curved into the largest smile Ushijima has ever seen, his eyes sparkled as his cheeks flushed red.

"You deserve to be happy everyday, Ushi, not only on Christmas. But everyday." Tendou crashed into Ushijma's arms, hugging him tightly. "I hope I made your Christmas worthwhile."

"Thank you Tendou."

"Anything for my boyfriend."

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	20. 𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘢'𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦 - 𝘣𝘰𝘬𝘶𝘢𝘬𝘢 (𝘯𝘴𝘧𝘸)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: bokuaka | bokuto koutaro x akaashi keiji  
> word count: 2850  
> type: smut

\------------------

"Papa! When is Santa coming?" The twins were getting agitated at this point, clinging to their father as the dark-haired man sighed for the thousandth time of the night.

"Santa won't come until you two go to sleep you know?" Akaashi ruffled the twins' hair and picked them up, setting the two on his work desk. "And he told me if you two aren't going to bed soon, he's going to put you two on the naughty list!"

The twins' mouth dropped and immediately scrambled off the work desk before bolting to their room, diving under the covers. Kousho even started to fake snore as an attempt to fool 'Santa'.

With the twins in bed, Akaashi was sure Bokuto was going to come back soon. He had practice, even though Christmas is around the corner. The coach had told them to go home, but knowing Bokuto, he would stay and practice spiking with either Hinata or work with Atsumu. He did invite Akaashi, but with these manga deadlines and the twins, he really couldn't join his husband in practicing.

Akaashi took the remaining sip of coffee from his mug and leaned back against his chair. His eyes were starting to hurt from staring at the screen for so long, and his back was starting to ache. He had to get the draft and storyboard up by Christmas Eve and he currently has nothing. And Christmas Eve is three days away, well two if you fast forward two hours.

He decided to take a break from the manga and go check in on his kids. Thankfully, they ended up falling asleep pretty quickly, with Kousho sneaking into Sora's bed and the two snuggling. The twins had forced themselves to stay awake hours past their bedtime, just to wait for Santa to come, even though Akaashi told them that Santa isn't coming until the 25th. They were convinced Santa was too busy to deliver all the presents in one night and would make early deliveries. How did they come up with that? Akaashi's best guess was Bokuto.

He tucked the twins in, making sure the blankets were covering them completely, not leaving an inch of skin out in the cold (except for their faces of course), and pecked their foreheads before closing the door behind him. He stepped back, only to bump into something very muscular.

"Bo?" Akaashi's voice cracked as he was spun around by his husband and pressed against the door.

"Hey, Kaashi." Bokuto was hovering way too close to Akaashi's face, the former's hot breath fanning on the latter's. Akaashi couldn't help but let his eyes flicker onto Bokuto's lips, they were pink, glossy and so close. He could feel the blood rushing to his chest, his heart thudding against his rib cage, sending every possible signal to every part of his body.

Akaashi's eyes widened as he scanned up and down at Bokuto. He was dressed in a very revealing Santa outfit, with a top barely covering his muscular chest, revealing his toned abs and the strong arms, but what surprised Akaashi the most was the skirt. Bokuto was wearing a skirt that doesn't even cover his ass, the hem just covering the large bulge.

Bokuto leaned closer and his lips were just touching Akaashi's, making the latter's heart skip a beat. The smell of sweat and soft lavender was hypnotic, sending Akaashi into a trance, a deep spiral that he knew he couldn't get away with. The dark-haired male could feel tingles running down his spine, the touch on his lips so mesmerizing that it is flooding his thoughts, leaving his mind completely blank.

And Bokuto took Akaashi's bottom lip and cupped his face gently, tilting it so Bokuto could kiss deeper. Akaashi parted his lips and felt his husband's warmth wash over him, curling his toes, and unfurling all his senses as the taste of his husband silenced every rational thought.

He could feel himself growing harder by the second, his erection begging for release as it was held down by his jeans. But the thought of his twins being one piece of wood behind him was slightly scary so he unwillingly pulled apart from his husband's warm lips and snaked his arms around his neck.

"Kids, Bo. Twins are asleep. We can't do it now." He gulped. It's fine, he could deal with it in the bathroom. Nothing like a cold shower and some alone time.

"If you keep quiet, they won't know." Bokuto nibbled on his earlobe as he whispered the words into Akaashi's ear. His entire body tingled, the feeling of his breath on his ear, his frame leaning on him as an arm snaked around his waist to pull him closer.

"God, I'm going to regret this," Akaashi said, but actions speak louder than words. His thighs were supported by Bokuto's arms as the larger man lifted him up, reconnecting their lips.

They managed to make their way to the bedroom without bumping into anything or causing a ruckus, with Bokuto swiftly locking the door behind him in case any of the twins decided to wake up and ruin the moment. The bi-colored hair male gently laid Akaashi down on his back on their bed, not breaking the kiss.

Akaashi let out a little moan when Bokuto's hips accidentally ground on him, the friction sending immense pleasure to Akaashi's stomach, but right when Akaashi was about to move his hips to meet Bokuto's when Bokuto pulled away, a smirk on his face.

"Uh-uh-uh, quiet baby, or you'll wake the kids." Akaashi mentally groaned when Bokuto mentioned that. It's no secret Akaashi was rather loud during intimate times, you can ask Konoha, he was traumatized by the time he lived right next door back in high school. And Akaashi's moans usually turn the both of them on, but Bokuto loved seeing his lover squirm beneath him.

"If you make one little sound," Bokuto leaned closed to Akaashi's face, staring at his blue eyes, "I'm going to stop alright?"

Akaashi could only nod, and boy was he beautiful. His face was red and the corner of his shirt riled up, revealing the v-line Bokuto loved. His husband isn't as buff as him, but he was very much in shape, and Bokuto loved every single inch of him.

By the time Akaashi became aware of what was happening, Bokuto's fingers were already slipped under his sweater, his cold fingers roaming his body, from his waist to his chest, circling his nipples, before making their way back to the waistline of his pants.

"Can I?" Akaashi loved that about Bokuto, no matter how desperate the two of them are, the elder always made sure he was comfortable with it, asking before removing his clothes, or taking a step further.

He nodded and lifted his arms, allowing the shirt to come off easier.

"God, you're so beautiful Kaashi." Akaashi shivered when his skin hit the cold December air, along with Bokuto's freezing cold fingers exploring his body. "How do you get more and more beautiful every time I see you, hm?" Another thing Akaashi loves about horny Bokuto, that man sweet talks like he breathes.

Bokuto's hand found Akaashi's and slowly brought them to the elder's crotch. Bokuto was rock hard at this point, the outline of his cock was prominent in the skirt. And the second Akaashi's hand touched his crotch, Bokuto mumbled "fuck" under his breath, as he threw his head back, moving Akaashi's hand as well as his hips.

The faces that Bokuto was making Akaashi even more turned on if it was possible. His hand matching the pace of the rise and fall of his lover's hips and the soft grunts emitting from the man's mouth and enough to make Akaashi's cock drip in his pants.

The younger removed his hand from the lover's crotch, only to tug on the waistband of the skirt, looking up at his husband with a smirk on his face. The elder returned with a smirk before stripping from the sexy Santa outfit and dropping the skirt by his ankles.

Bokuto's cock was begging to be touched in his briefs, a small dark stain forming with every second passing. Akaashi could see the cock twitching, yearning for attention. So he complied. He wrapped his fingers around the cock and started to stroke the large member, making sure to run his fingers over the tip, knowing it was Bokuto's most sensitive spot.

Bokuto was on his knees, his hips thrust forward with his head back and his eyes closed, grinding harder against Akaashi's hand, his cock painfully hard against the fabric. And when Akaashi's fingers disappeared behind the waistband and made contact with Bokuto's cock, the latter swore he could've cum right then and there. The cold sensation on the tip sending blood to his crotch.

"Want me to suck you off?" Akaashi asked. It was rather out of character for Akaashi to be so forward, and Bokuto loved it, so he nodded, and with one swift pull, his cock sprang free, hitting the cold December air. Akaashi's mouth soon came unbearably close to his cock, his tongue flickering over the tip, teasing the fuck out of the bi-colored hair male.

But instead of taking him in, Akaashi tilted his head and started to pepper kisses around his crotch, down his thighs, moving deeper into his inner thighs, before traveling back up to the throbbing member. His cock was oozing precum by now, the clear liquid trickling down the tip onto the shaft.

Akaashi stuck his tongue out and slowly licked up Bokuto's length, collecting all the precum on his tongue without breaking eye contact. And once he arrived at the tip, he closed his mouth and sunk down, feeling the tip hit the back of his throat, gagging him a little.

Bokuto was sure he was almost dying from all the pleasure he was feeling. His hands dove into Akaashi's black hair, tugging on the roots, knowing Akaashi loved having his hair played. With a tug, Akaashi moaned around his cock, sending vibrations everywhere on his body.

He grasped Akaashi's hair and pushed him down, can't help but moan as the warmth of Akaashi's mouth overwhelmed his senses. But Akaashi pulled away, and Bokuto can't help but be a little disappointed by the emptiness.

"No moaning remember? You said that yourself." Akaashi stood up on the bed, making sure Bokuto was staring at him before he shimmied out of his jeans and was left in his underwear. Bokuto pulled Akaashi close by his legs, his mouth hovering over his cock, before licking his shaft through the fabric, staining the cloth dark.

"I'm so close Kaashi." Bokuto moaned, his lips still on Akaashi's cock but eyes turning back to his lover's. "Can I please do it now."

The desperation in Bokuto's eyes was enough and Akaashi sat down on the bed, throwing his underwear off the side and spreading his legs. With his ass in full view, Bokuto's cock twitched, hitting his toned stomach as he grabbed the lube and condom from the bedside drawer.

"Wanna take you raw." Akaashi wasn't worried, they both get tested pretty regularly and Akaashi trusts his husband very much for him to not wear one.

"You sure beautiful?" With Akaashi's nod, Bokuto flicked open the lid of the bottle of lube before pausing, closing back the lid and setting it aside. He held three fingers out and gently tugged on Akaashi's lips. "Suck."

Akaashi gladly parted his lips and took the three digits in, swirling his tongue and running it along the skin, closing his lips around his knuckles, and sucked as his life depended on it. Bokuto's other hand found Akaashi's cock and gently pumped it slowly, matching Akaashi's pace.

When Bokuto felt like his fingers were wet enough, he pulled them out of Akaashi's mouth and spread the latter's legs further apart. His hole was red and throbbing, and once Bokuto's fingertip made contact with the ring of muscle, it tightened around his fingernail.

The larger male slowly inserted his index finger, letting Akaashi get used to the stretch before adding another finger. With his ass being stretched, Akaashi bit his lip as he arched his back in reflex, the pleasure of Bokuto opening him up sending shivers all over his body.

But when Bokuto started to scissor his fingers, pushing it deeper until it hit the small bundle of nerves, Akaashi couldn't help but moan loudly, causing Bokuto to pull his fingers away in lightning speed.

"What did I say, prince?"

"Be quiet or you'll stop."

"Hmmhm, and what did you do?"

"I moaned."

"As much as I love your moans, we can't have the twins waking up, can we? And god knows how loud you can be." With that Bokuto inserted his fingers, and Akaashi almost moaned out loud again, but he slapped his hand over his mouth just in time.

"Close call there gorgeous," Bokuto added a third finger, wanting to make sure to prep his husband as well as possible so he wouldn't feel pain, after all, Bokuto isn't lacking in size down there. "You ready yet?"

Akaashi nodded, wanting to have Bokuto in him before he loses control. Bokuto lifted Akaashi's legs and rested on his shoulders before positioning. The top grabbed the lube discarded by him earlier and poured a generous amount of the goo on his length, just to make sure not to hurt Akaashi.

He was getting carried away with his hand on his own cock when Akaashi grabbed his throbbing cock, twisting and stroking it, before gently tugging on it and pulling Bokuto closer. "Hurry up tease."

With the approval, Bokuto pushed his tip and by how Akaashi arched his back and let out a silent gasp, he knew it felt good. He leaned forward, with his hands beside Akaashi's head supporting his body weight, he connected their lips, hoping to make it less painful by distracting the pain.

After a little over a second, Bokuto could feel Akaashi getting used to him, so he pushed in further, deepening the kiss to prevent his moans from escaping. As Akaashi got used to his length, Bokuto knew he could move. He slowly thrust his hips forward, the tip of his cock hitting his prostate, and Akaashi swore he was seeing stars.

"Mmhm, faster Bo." With that, Bokuto picked up his pace, his hips grinding with Akaashi's. The room was silent except for pants and skin slapping against each other. "Wanna ride you."

Akaashi grabbed Bokuto's shoulders and flipped the two, the movement causing Bokuto's cock to thurst right at his prostate. Biting down a moan, he straddled Bokuto, placed his hands on his chest, roaming over the large muscles.

Bokuto held Akaashi's waist, as he stared at his husband, all red and sweaty. His left made his way to Akaashi's crotch and wrapped his fingers around the shaft, pumping and stroking the length while matching the pace of Akaashi's bouncing on his cock.

With his pleasure doubled, Akaashi bounced faster on Bokuto's cock, feeling his stomach turn into knots and very close to his climax.

"Do you want me to cum in you baby?" Bokuto asked, his eyes still on Akaashi's cock, the tip all swollen and red, precum leaking all over his hands. The movements picked up as he felt Akaashi clenching around the tip of his dick, as he pushed himself down again. He began thrusting his hips, meeting Akaashi halfway as the latter threw his head back and let out rapid pants.

"I'm so close, Bo. Cum in me, please." Akaashi managed to say in the midst of panting and sinking down back on Bokuto's cock. Seeing his lover so turned on and vulnerable, Bokuto began rubbing his finger over the tip, circling and spreading the precum over.

He could feel he was getting close, but he wanted to wait for Akaashi to come first, knowing it was coming very soon. And as if he was telepathic, Akaashi reached his climax, his hole clenching around Bokuto as his cum landed on Bokuto's abs, chest, even some on his face.

With a loud gasp and an "Ah- fuck, Akaashi", Bokuto rode out his climax, filling up Akaashi.

The smaller boy collapsed onto Bokuto's chest, not caring if the sticky substance was between them as his cock slowly softened. Akaashi looked up at Bokuto, his gelled hair completely undone as strands of his silver hair stuck to his forehead. The two were both trying to catch their breath as Bokuto ran his fingers through Akaashi's messy hair.

"I love you." He mumbled, his voice hoarse despite not moaning.

Akaashi was too tired to respond and Bokuto knew his feelings, Akaashi would always get sleepy after sex, especially after such intensity, but he needed to clean him up. So Bokuto sat up, with Akaashi clinging to his chest, and picked the younger boy up, wrapping his legs around his waist as he unlocked the door as the two disappeared behind the bathroom door.

\------------------


	21. 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘦𝘷𝘦 - 𝘥𝘢𝘪𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘢

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: daisuga | sawamura daichi x sugawara koushi  
> word count: 2248  
> type: fluff

\------------------

"Mama but it's the holidays!" He tugged on his mother's pants, pouting and his eyes welling up with tears, trying to get the woman to stay and stop wearing her shoes. "You weren't here last year! Or last last year! Grandpa was here!"

"I know baby, but mommy gotta go to work okay? I'll be back as soon as possible. Grandpa will be next door if you need him alright?" His mother gave him a big forehead kiss as she opened the door. "Happy new year Koushi!" And shut the door.

7-year-old Sugawara huffed and sat on the step. He didn't understand any of it. All his friends were so excited about new years at school, talking about staying up late and watching the countdown while drinking hot cocoa with their parents. This never happened to him. His mom was never around. His younger brother went with his father after his parents divorced. New Years isn't fun, it's scary and lonely. The only person in the entire house was him and Sugawara always had to have all the lights on so he wouldn't feel scared.

Well at least he could stay up late past his bedtime and watch the fireworks.

His mother came back home early the next morning, only to find her son passed out on the couch, a mug of now-cooled hot cocoa on the coffee table, with a blanket loosely draped over his small figure and his teddy bear cuddled tightly in his arms. The TV was still on, the early morning news just starting.

"Koushi, I'm leaving!" She wore her work shoes, calling out into the house. "There's money on the counter, make sure you grab some dinner. Grandpa is just next door if anything happens!"

Sugawara yelled out a "yes" before returning to his TV show. His neighbors were partying, loud music blaring through the walls. He flopped on his stomach and groaned into his pillow. The loud (and not to mention, bad) music was giving him a headache, and he just wanted to run over next door and bang on their door until they shut up. But what could a 9-year-old do?

He ended up making some sushi, using some leftover ingredients in the fridge and pulled out the bamboo mat from the drawer.

The sushi was great, it was salmon and tuna, one of Sugawara's favourites. He lied down on the couch and flipped on the television. The news was talking about the people celebrating, he wanted to text his friends, but most of them were busy celebrating with their family, or just out of town. One of his best friends invited him over for new years, knowing the poor boy usually spent the holidays alone, but he wouldn't want to bother other people by intruding.

It wasn't until Sugawara was 13 when he got used to being alone on the holidays. He had created a little tradition for himself, his favorite chocolate cake from the bakery down the road (to the point the baker would even bake a cake beforehand because he knew Sugawara would come and pick it up), with a cup of hot cocoa (that's a lot of chocolate but who cares), FRIENDS running on the TV while he watched the fireworks outside his home. The tradition made it a little better, new years still sucked though.

His mom never failed to be working on the holidays. Whether it was Christmas or New Years, Easter or whatever. He can't blame her, people tend to do stupid shit at parties during holidays and nurses need to tend their stupid wounds. But sometimes he wished his mom would stay just for one day.

Sugawara learnt to hate the new years. There was always hype around it, being right after Christmas and being the start of the new years. That's bullshit. The start of the year, so what. He was always alone in the house and it sucked. He couldn't remember a time where he spent new years with someone by his side.

But then Daichi came along.

They started dating during their second year of high school. And that New Years was the first new year Sugawara spent with someone, other than his teddy bear, by his side. Daichi had snuck out of the house and knocked on Sugawara's door at 10pm, scaring the shit out of the elder boy. Sugawara had spent the afternoon with him and celebrated his birthday then, so he never thought the younger boy would knock on his door.

He couldn't just leave him in the cold. With the bouquet of red roses, a goofy smile on his face, his nose red due to being exposed in the cold. Of course, Sugawara let him in after tackling the taller man in a hug.

They spent the night cuddled up with each other, Sugawara gladly letting Daichi into his home and his tradition. For once, there were two mugs of cocoa, two forks stained with creamy chocolate, no more teddy bears and, finally, someone to yell "WE WERE ON A BREAK" to the television on the top of their lungs.

His mother was shocked to say the least, when she found out her son cuddling with an unknown man on her couch. But she didn't question anything when she saw the smile on her son's face. She trusted him to be smart, knowing Sugawara was responsible enough to know what he wanted and the safe things so she just decided to give her son a smirk when he scrambled off of Daichi the next morning.

And from that year on, Daichi spent every new year (and his birthday) with Sugawara, and they have probably rewatched FRIENDS so much that Daichi could start memorizing the lines. But it was their thing, and Sugawara loved it.

Sugawara eventually moved out after graduating college, the two lovebirds settling in Tokyo since both their universities were there. Daichi was in the police academy, and Sugawara was getting his bachelors, and most of their friends were there too. Kageyama and Hinata both had their training in the city center,

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were working nearby. Well, with the exception of Asahi and Nishinoya who were travelling around the world. Even friends from other schools gathered in Tokyo, so they thought moving there was the obvious choice.

But even when they moved to Tokyo, they kept the tradition. Chocolate cake, hot cocoa, and FRIENDS. The baker even sends them chocolate cake when he makes his way to the city to visit his grandkid, who just happens to be Tendou's grandfather (they found out when they saw Tendou helping out in the bakery). So even the chocolate cake stayed the same.

Everything was perfect. Sugawara had Daichi and as cliche as it sounds, he could feel the loneliness he felt when he was a kid going away. He loved the holidays now, it was different. He was happy.

But when Daichi broke the news to Sugawara, that his academy needed him to go overseas for an exchange which was over six months. That was June. Daichi was just going to miss out on New Years and his birthday with Sugawara.

He tried not to show. They video called every night without fail, catching up and with time zones, Daichi got to stay on the call when Sugawara fell asleep and vice versa. Sugawara didn't like it but he learnt to get used to it. The apartment was empty but he had friends over occasionally to feel less alone in the apartment.

However, you can't have friends over all the time, especially during the holidays when they also have stuff to do. So, Sugawara waved them goodbye as he closed the door with a sigh. The apartment fell into silence once again without Bokuto's screaming or Kageyama almost breaking his furniture and Hinata yelling at him.

His stomach growled in hunger as he opened the freezer and found a pack of frozen mac and cheese at the bottom. Making sure it wasn't expired, he shoved it in the microwave and punched in the numbers, leaning against the counter as he watched the numbers go down.

He couldn't get in contact with Daichi all day, and he was slightly worried. Thoughts he shouldn't have were buzzing around in his brain, even though Sugawara trusted Daichi 100%, he couldn't help it. His boyfriend hasn't texted him the entire day which was unlike him, and even with timezones, he should've at least caught the gate where Daichi was awake. He did make sure to leave a birthday paragraph like he always did for him though.

The microwave dinged and he grabbed the carton out of the box, sticking a fork and mixing the cheese with the macaroni. This was his first new year he spent alone since he was 16, the feelings of loneliness slowly crept back.

He mixed a cup of hot cocoa, and set it on the counter. The apartment was dimly lit except the light above him and the TV screen. People were flooding the streets, he could hear cheers and people talking from his apartment.

Sugawara knew it wasn't Daichi's fault, but he couldn't help but miss the man. He hated the loneliness, memories and feelings of the nights he spent alone were flooding back. Tears were prickling at the corner of his eyes, the childhood fear of the dark growing larger second by second.

His breath quickened as his hands began to shake uncontrollably. He used to have real bad panic attacks from the fear of being alone, and without Daichi by his side, everything was amplifying.

Just as he was about to collapse on the floor, the doorbell rang.

_Hinata might have left his phone here again._

He messily wiped away his tears as he jogged to the door and swung the door open.

"Hinata I swear to god if you leave your phone here one more time, I'm going to-"

"You're going to what?"

"Daichi?"

Sugawara swore his eyes were deceiving him the moment he saw Daichi standing at the door. Not caring that the other was holding multiple things in his hands, he threw himself into the latter's arms, happy tears flowing freely from his face, wetting Daichi's shirt.

"I thought you won't be back till January!" Sugawara mumbled with his face stuffed in Daichi's shirt. Daichi wasn't really sure how he got what Suga was saying considering everything was muffled by the fabric. "Also, Happy Birthday baby."

"I promised I would spend every holiday with you didn't I? Also, Tendou's grandfather called me and was very worried why no one went to pick up the chocolate cake, so someone had to go do that." Daichi hugged Sugawara with his only free hand, since the other was holding a bouquet of red roses and the chocolate cake. "Alright babe, I'd love to hug you forever but I am really hungry and the cake is melting, and I would really like it if the cake didn't melt."

Sugawara pulled away and immediately got to work. His mac and cheese was long cold on the counter, he set the chocolate cake on the counter, mixed a new warm cup of cocoa and grabbed Daichi's suitcase in the apartment.

"Come in!" Sugawara motioned at Diachi, who was still standing at the door.

"I still have one surprise for you."

"But you being here is the surprise, isn't it?"

And the next thing Daichi did was the single reason why Sugawara had internally combust. The second Daichi's right knee hit the floor, Sugawara's eyes teared up once again, his hands flying to cover his agape mouth.

"Sugawara Koushi, from the first minute I laid my eyes on you, the first time I heard you giggle when Asahi stumbled over his words, I knew I was hopelessly infatuated with you. The way your eyes sprinkle under the moonlight, or well, when you see a dog on the street. Or how you would rant about the randomest things, like how Bokuto's hair is literally defying gravity, or how water tastes sweet, I could listen to it all day. As selfish as I am, I want to have you, Koushi. You were the person that kept me sane these past few years, from the volleyball club, to the police academy, till now. I want to spend the rest of my life with you Koushi.

I remember the day when I knocked on your door exactly today 8 years ago. You were the same old beautiful Sugawara Koushi, same smile, even the same shocked look you had that day. The last 6 months have been painful, there were nights where I would just, as creepy as this sounds, watch you sleep cause I missed you so much. I know I'm a sappy romantic, with these roses and the kneeling on one knee and all, but what I'm asking is,

Will you spend every holiday with me for the rest of my life?"

_So that's why Kiyoko dragged me to get a manicure._

Sugawara couldn't form coherent words from his mouth, all he could mutter was a nod as Daichi's lips curled into the widest smile he has ever seen and he got up, gently took Suga's hand and slid the silver band onto his finger. The ring was simple, and that was enough.

Daichi cupped Suga's cheek as he brought him into a kiss, just as the fireworks outside the window went off. It was messy, with tears streaming down both their faces, but to them, it was perfect.

They eventually pulled away, foreheads pressed together until Sugawara asked, "So did we get engaged on the 31st of December or the 1st of January cause I ain't sharing my engagement day with Asahi."

"Whatever you want babe."

"Just you for now."

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	22. 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴 - 𝘣𝘰𝘬𝘶𝘢𝘬𝘢

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: bokuaka | bokuto koutaro x akaashi keiji  
> word count: 1631  
> type: fluff

\------------------

"Nee-san..." She opened her eyes, only to find her baby brother standing under her doorway, rubbing his eyes as he dragged his blanket behind him.

"Ah, Koutaro. Nightmare again?" She mumbled. "Alright, c'mon in."

Koutaro nodded, wiping away his tears as he made his way to his sister's bed. She welcomed the kid with a warm blanket and soft head rubs, humming his favorite song as the 5-year-old drifted off to sleep, tear stains evident on his cheeks.

Bokuto Koutaro has been having nightmares ever since he could remember. It wasn't just some childish nightmare where you wake up and sigh, it was full-on screaming and crying. Koutaro always had them, there wasn't a definite reason why. It got to a point where he got so scared he refused to go to bed, he would throw tantrums, cry through the entire night and he would refuse to sleep. The idea of sleeping and immediately being thrown into a nightmare was terrifying to a child. There will be times where Koutaro doesn't sleep for days, until he ultimately passes out from exhaustion. His parents took him to psychologists, but was only sent home with "let him watch relaxing things, like videos, before bed, maybe a glass of warm milk would help."

Yeah, as if they haven't tried that already.

The only thing that could calm Koutaro down from nightmares are head rubs, or head scratches to be specific. Koutaro would wake up from his nightmare and knock on his sisters' door, they would welcome him with open arms, well blankets, and let their little brother in. The way their fingers gently massaged his scalp, running through his thick hair always managed to calm him down, sending him to sleep within minutes.

This was perfect. But perfect doesn't exist.

He stopped going into his sisters' room when he started middle school. Part of him was ashamed of this trick, thinking it was immature for a teen to seek comfort from his older siblings, and a part of him was scared. He's terrified of the fact his sisters will grow tired of him, and eventually stop letting him in. That was scarier than the nightmares.

Koutaro's sisters were confused, to say the least, wondering why their baby brother suddenly stopped visiting their room. They honestly didn't mind, in fact, they loved how their baby brother still needs them. But eventually, they thought the nightmares passed and didn't ask too many questions.

The nightmares only got worse when his sisters moved out. There was no one rushing into his room to check up on him, reassuring him that everything is okay and that he is safe. Koutaro would wake up in a panic, unable to catch his breath, stumbling to the bathroom as he splashed cold water on his face. He tried ASMR, meditation, nothing. Absolutely nothing worked. The second his eyes flutter shut, he would be thrown back into an unending cycle of horror.

Letting out a defeated sigh, Koutaro sat up on his bed and glanced at the clock: 04:32. Another nightmare. He's been getting more of them recently, with stress accumulating and all. It's the new school year and he's definitely not looking forward to it.

It's a miracle how he hasn't been kicked off the volleyball team. His spikes were sloppy, his receives were bad, everything was just off due to exhaustion and sleep deprivation. He was practically benched for the entire year in his first year in Fukurodani. He made some good plays occasionally, when he was relatively well-rested, but most of the time, it was horrible.

The volleyball team had an early meeting today, introducing the new members and the new year logistics. He dragged his feet to the bathroom and got ready, grabbed his blazer, and left the house.

He decided to walk to school that day, it's not too far, just a 30-minute walk, and it wasn't too cold or hot out. Koutaro always loved walks, the soft sounds of his shoe against the pavement, the wind blowing his hair back, it calms his mind.

The campus slowly came into sight and Koutaro glanced at his watch: 05:45. Perfect. Just a bit early.

He adjusted his shoulder strap and sat in front of the steps of the gymnasium. The sun was just rising, another reason why Koutaro loved the mornings.

"Oh. Hello, am I early?" A voice made Koutaro glance up. The owner of the voice was _breathtaking_.

"Oh yeah, I'm assuming others will be coming soon."

"Thanks. I'm Akaashi Keiji."

"Bokuto Koutaro."

That was the beginning of what Koutaro would describe as "the best time of his life". Keiji was in every way perfect. The way his hair falls between his eyes, the way his lips curve upwards when Koutaro says a joke, or the way his shoulders move when he adjusts his shoulder strap.

Yes, Bokuto Koutaro is jealous of a shoulder strap. I mean, who isn't, it's Akaashi Keiji we're talking about.

Keiji was the one thing in life Koutaro was actually excited about. He still gets horrible nightmares, sure, but it's nice to have a pretty face as company when you're being murdered by some creepy-ass murderer.

Let's just say things escalated. Koutaro pulled Keiji aside one day and shoved him a piece of paper before running off with a gigantic blush on his face. It isn't rocket science to figure out what was on the paper, Keiji isn't as oblivious as Koutaro. The poor senior has been pining over the junior for half a year. Everyone could tell.

Keiji, obviously said yes. Koutaro's personality has deeply infatuated him, leaving the bi-colored boy permanently imprinted in the younger's mind.

But Koutaro never told Keiji his secret. He felt it was unnecessary to mention the fact he was having nightmares almost daily. Koutaro would still avoid sleep like a soldier avoiding landmines, and Keiji often found him dozing off during practice or almost collapsing due to exhaustion. The younger was worried, making sure his boyfriend was eating well, asking him what's wrong, but was always replied with a nod and a smile.

It wasn't until Keiji invited Koutaro over to his house with his parents gone for the weekend. Koutaro accepted with a smile on his face and a kiss on the lips, promising his love that he would bring all his good food with him.

The weekend rolled by and Koutaro was ecstatic. The last few nights were surprisingly peaceful, no nightmares, just actual quality sleep. He waved his parents goodbye as he grabbed his bag which was overstuffed with clothes that could probably last him a whole month on a deserted island.

He knocked on the door, rocking on his heels as the door swung open, revealing a messy-haired Keiji.

"Hi!"

"Bokuto-san, it's 7 a.m."

"You said I could come over whenever! And I missed you, so I wanted to come over earlier! Ah well, it is pretty early, did I wake you? I'm so sorry, I can come later though-"

Keiji cut Koutaro off by snaking his arms around him and snuggling to his chest, burying his face right at the crook of his neck.

Koutaro is on the verge of internally combusting.

"It's okay, I missed you too. C'mon in." The two pulled away and Koutaro stepped inside the house. It wasn't fabulously big, big enough for three people. It was well-decorated and very clean, very Akaashi-style.

"I can make you breakfast! You can go back to sleep if you want." Koutaro dropped his duffel bag beside the couch and made his way into the kitchen. He had cooked breakfast for himself so many times he could practically open a restaurant just to serve breakfast.

The two ended up chilling for the entire day, watching movies and cuddling on the couch. Koutaro felt safe for the first time in years, his anxiety and worry all thrown out the window when he had Keiji in his arms.

Then nighttime rolled around.

Keiji offered to sleep on a blown-up mattress so Koutaro could sleep on the bed. After much protesting from the latter, Keiji finally gave in and crawled into the already warmed up bed.

"Goodnight Akaashi."

"Goodnight Bokuto-san."

Keiji was shaken awake by Koutaro thrashing beside him. His eyebrows were furrowed together, eyes shut. His hair was sticking to his forehead from the sweat as he tossed and turned, whimpering something under his breath.

"Bokuto-san."

No response.

"Bokuto-san." Keiji said louder, shaking the sleeping boy gently.

Still nothing. Keiji could see tears rolling down his cheeks under the dim light.

"Koutaro!" With a rather harsh shove, Koutaro jolted awake and sat up on the bed. His hand grabbed at his chest, desperately trying to calm down as his mind processed that it was just a dream.

"Bokuto-san, are you alright?" Keiji had a hand on Koutaro's back, rubbing circles in hopes of calming him down. _So that's why he's always exhausted._

"I-I'm fine Akaashi, just a nightmare." The last part came out as a whisper, as he was trying to convince himself rather than reassure Keiji. "G-go back to bed, sorry if I woke you."

Koutaro lied back down on the bed, finally able to feel oxygen in his lungs. He closed his eyes, immediately regretting his decision as his nightmare haunted him once again.

"Just don't think about it." Keiji mumbled beside him, one hand finding his way into Koutaro's hair, gently massaging his scalp and running his fingers through his thick hair. "I got you Bo."

The familiar feeling of calm washed over him. Memories of his sisters comforting him after his nightmares came flooding back. He couldn't contain a smile as he felt himself relax under Keiji's touch.

"Thank you Keiji."

"Anything for you Koutaro."

\------------------


	23. 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 - 𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘢 𝘬𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘩𝘪

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: sugawara koushi  
> word count: 2083  
> tw: eating disorder, puking  
> note: based on an idol au i have going on on Instagram @riverhqau  
> type: angsty fluff

\------------------

"Sugawara, please see me in my office."

The silver-haired man looked up from his laptop at his senior, before closing the machine and treading behind his steps. He knew what was going to happen, and he didn't want to face it.

"Stand, you need the exercise anyway." Ah, there it was. His boss plopped onto his spinny chair, leaving Sugawara the only one standing in the room.

"Grab the weight." _No, fuck, no, no, no, no. Did he notice? I got a little loose this week, but it can't be that bad._ "You know where it is, take it out. Now."

Sugawara took a gulp, reaching for the scale that was under the couch which was backed against the wall. He dragged the metal out, his heart racing as he stared at the small screen at the top.

"Step on it."

He kicked off his shoes and took a wobbly step onto the glass surface. The screen lit up as the numbers increased at lightning speed.

"The other leg, up."

"I'm sorry, I can't."

"You can't? Or you don't want to." Sugawara took a peek at his boss. He had his arms crossed in front of his chest as he stared down at him, a scowl and a smirk, or a mixture of both on his face. Knowing what would happen if he didn't comply, he stood on the scale, forced his eyes shut as the numbers increased.

"Look at it." He didn't dare open his eyes. "Open your eyes now, or do you want me to make you."

Sugawara opened his eyes, and the number on the screen almost made him gag. _56kg. 56 fucking kilograms_. He could feel the fat clinging onto his frame, everything became so clear and evident to him.

His brain was going fuzzy, the number blaring into his skull, so much that he could see stars. He bolted out of the office and made a dash to the bathroom, ignoring his teammates' calls back at the lounge, and locked himself in a stall.

It was almost a reflex, when he kneeled in front of the toilet, stuffing two fingers down his throat until he felt his lunch making a comeback. The contents came splashing onto the toilet bowl, the burn in his throat causing Sugawara to tear up.

It was until he was drawing up bile, he felt complete. _It's for my job, for the fans_. He left the bathroom after washing his hands thoroughly and popping a mint into his mouth, swirling the white piece of candy around, washing away all the nasty scent.

"Sugawara! Are you alright? What happened!" Atsumu ran up, "You're all sweaty and stuff!" He had his hands on his forehead, checking for a temperature or something.

"I'm fine Atsumu-kun, it was just a bad lunch. Don't worry so much." The explanation seemed to sit right with Atsumu as his frown was replaced with a smile.

"Okay then! Do you wanna watch Kenma play?" Sugawara nodded, letting the younger boy drag him to their drummer, both of them taking a seat beside said musician.

But he couldn't concentrate on the game. The two-digit number was consuming his entire brain, clouding his thoughts and blocking every rational thought.

Dinner time soon came around and Sugawara excused himself, lying that he was tired and went back into the dorms. He felt disgusting.

Grabbing his clothes, he made his way into the shared bathroom, stripping with his back facing the mirror cause he just can't look at himself through the reflective surface right now. He stepped into the shower, the hot water beating his skin.

He didn't know where to put his hands. He couldn't touch his body, it felt wrong. There was too much here, there, everywhere. His hips were too large, his stomach was too big, his thighs were too thick, his arms were too shabby. It was screaming in his head, every imperfection he could name, repeating and getting louder every minute.

He stepped out of the shower frantically, not being able to stand the fact he's standing in the shower bare. He threw on an oversized hoodie, liking how the fabric was loose against his skin, almost swallowing his already small frame.

The band was already back in the dorms when he came out of the bathroom. Kenma was on his top bunk swearing his head off as he bullied some poor child on Roblox or some sort, Atsumu was sprawled out on the floor with his sheet music and computer, headphones plugged in, Oikawa was filming a TikTok, or an OnlyFans. We might never know.

"Hey Suga, you sure you don't want dinner? We had great curry." Atsumu said once he noticed his bandmate enter the room.

_Curry. That's at least a thousand calories. I can't have that._

"Yeah, no. I'm still full from lunch."

Even though Atsumu made a noise in agreement, he missed the questionable look on Kenma's face, but he climbed up the bunk and slid under the covers, wanting to forget everything in the world right now.

Kenma looked up from his Nintendo. He knew Suga skipped lunch, he's quiet, but he's not stupid. He saw how Suga's eyes widened in fear when Atsumu brought up dinner, how he chose a hoodie that he complained was too big for him a while back.

This went on for almost a month. Suga got a scale off amazon and hid it in the bathroom, weighing himself every day, smiling slightly when the numbers started to go down. He couldn't stop, it was as if he was a loose sled, loosen from its knots, and sliding at full speed down a steep hill.

But sleds stop only when they hit a rock, or a tree. And it goes flying. The wood shattering in pieces as it flew across the sky, as it landed on the white snow, unable to be fixed.

For Suga, that rock was tonight. It was their company's annual performance. Atsumu was being petty with Sakusa as usual, sending the latter death glares backstage, Oikawa was chatting up with some random guy from the venue but Kenma, he was keeping a close eye on the silver-haired boy.

He tried to intervene, but everytime Suga would brush him off with a smile, saying he was simply not hungry or he ate. Utter bullshit, he thought.

Even the fans took notice. How Suga's face was thinner than ever, his jawline looking unhealthy as his eyes looked sunken and dark. His clothes were hanging on him like a rag cloth, and he looked tired almost all the time.

"What's up everybody!" Suga made his way behind his keyboard, adjusting his mic so it was pressing on his lips. He was a bit dizzy, probably from all the bright lights and the crowd.

"We're here tonight, to have a great time, right?" He yelled into the mic, his hands shaky as he tried to fix the scores on his stand. _Fuck, what is wrong with me?_

The crowd roared. He could see neon signs with his name, his fans chanting something that he couldn't make out. _This is all for them, it's for the best. I have to be the best for them._

"First song is Hollow. Sing along if you know the words." Oikawa said into his mic, a soft G major strum on his Fender.

It was going smoothly. The dizzy spells still hadn't gone away, which was weird since they were on stage for more than 10 minutes already, his brain should've adjusted to the lights. But as he tried to make out the notes in the scores, his knees buckled and his hand reached out for balance, clashing on the keys as it made a very loud inharmonious noise, before his head hit the ground and his vision went black.

Oikawa threw down his guitar to check on his captain. His skin was a bit yellowish, even under the bright stage lights.

"Fuck, medics, get the medics on here!" He yelled, not caring if the fans heard him swear. The others rushed to his side, and Atsumu lifted him up in bridal style, his light weight surprising the boy.

"I'll take him backstage, Oikawa go keep the crowd calm." Atsumu ordered, ushering backstage to let Suga lie on a more comfortable surface.

Oikawa responded with a nod before rushing back out and saying something that Atsumu couldn't make out, his captain fainted and he didn't know what's wrong.

"Get some crackers, water, or something." Kenma said, catching a pack of Digestives thrown at him by one of the security guards. "Lift his head up, and someone go grab him a blanket."

Atsumu stared at Kenma in shock as the once quiet boy started ordering people around, catching the items swiftly. "I took a first-aid class when I was in high school, big deal."

"W-whas going on?" Suga slurred, regaining a bit of consciousness as he leaned on to Atsumu for support. "Shit, the show, I have to go back."

"No, Suga. Here drink this juice box first." Kenma poked the straw into the box, and placed the plastic against Suga's lips, only to have the latter turn his head away.

"I-I can't. I ate already." Suga muttered, shaking his head as he weakly shoved the box away. "I'm not hungry."

The growl in his stomach disagreed.

"Suga when was the last time you ate?"

"I don't know." The captain said. "I'm just tired now." Before his eyes rolled to the back of his head and his head lolled forward as Atsumu quickly supported it with his hand before Suga fell over.

"He needs the hospital, call an ambulance now." Kenma said. "Also tell Oikawa to come back."

As if Oikawa heard him, the guitarist ran backstage and crouched beside his captain. "What's wrong with him."

"Hasn't eaten in god knows forever. Must be the fucking boss again, tormenting him about his motherfucking weight." Kenma sneered as the paramedics came by them, lifting Suga onto the stretcher and wheeling him away.

Suga woke up two hours after they sent him to the hospital. He was put under some sleep medication to allow his body to absorb the food that was being fed into him by the feeding tube.

"G-guys? Where am I?" The other three immediately sat up, Oikawa holding Suga's hand as Atsumu brushed his silver hair away from his face.

"You fainted buddy." Kenma said, eyeing the bank in the IV pole.

"W-wait, what is that? I can't have that. No, please, take it out of me!" Suga yelled, his hands reaching for the feeding tube that was stuck on his face, but Atsumu stopped him in time, holding his hands in place so he wouldn't grab at the tube.

"Suga you need it okay? Your body needs it. Please."

"B-but, I can't! He said he'll fire me!"

"Is it the boss? I swear to god-"

"No, don't." Kenma pushed Atsumu down from storming out the room. "Suga, you're severely underweight. Your body stopped working because it was starving. Did he tell you to, you know, lose it?"

Suga nodded with teary eyes. "I don't want to get fired Kenma, I can't! I love my job, the fans will be disappointed, please, I can't."

"The fans are worried Suga. They were all worried when you collapsed on stage okay? You scared us there, bud." Oikawa said, his voice gentle as he ran his fingers through Suga's hair.

"Please don't listen to him. We want you healthy okay? The fans want you healthy. You can't perform when you're not in your best shape right? You told us that when Atsumu was being hated on, or when Kenma was on 2 hours of sleep because of his insomnia, or me when I was being a petty bitch."

"We love you just the way you are okay? Your weight never matters, it won't matter to us, or the fans. We all want you to be healthy and happy okay Suga?"

Suga nodded, his hands gripping his teammates tightly. "I-Can I get better?"

"Of course, you will get better okay? And we're here with you every step of the way. That's what bandmates are right? Lifelong friends, through thick and thin." Kenma said, rubbing small circles on the back of Suga's hand.

"Thank you guys."

"We love you Suga, anything for you."

The road to recovery is hard. But if there's a start, there's an end.

It gets better.

\------------------


	24. 𝘵𝘰 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 - 𝘬𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘺𝘢𝘮𝘢 𝘵𝘰𝘣𝘪𝘰

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: kageyama tobio  
> word count: 1531  
> spoiler warning: timeskip!kageyama  
> type: neutral

\------------------

He can hear the sound of volleyballs slapping onto the ground from the corner away, along with the yelling from coaches and replies from teammates. Millions of thoughts ran through his head as he gripped the door handle.

_This is it._

He pushed open the door, feeling the familiar smell of sweat and the court hit his nose. There's a ding from his phone and he dug it out, only to find a text from his senior, saying, "You got this Tobio!!!!! Fighting!!!"

He typed a quick reply back to Sugawara before slipping the phone into the bag and walking over to a group of people where he saw the oh-so unique white hair.

"Hoshiumi, hey." He tapped the smaller boy on the shorter, and the latter turned around in a dramatic manner before breaking into a smile.

"Kageyama! What's up! Oh, someone you know is coming to." They talked for a while, catching up before the older boy's eyes widened and pointed towards the door. "Look!"

Kageyama turned on his heel, only to find a familiar shadow making his way towards them. Those shoulders, the frame, every bit of the figure made clear he wasn't here for shits and giggles.

"Ushijima-san, hello."

"Kageyama Tobio. We meet again." Despite his height, he felt like a child with Ushijima towering over him. "Glad to be working with you, I've always admired your skills."

Kageyama swore he felt like a fan being complimented by their idol. Having Ushijima saying those words to him felt like a shot in the arm, his worries temporarily disappearing as he gave a smirk to his former enemy.

"Hirugami!" Hoshiumi yelled, waving as the captain jogged over to the group. "He's Sachirou's older brother! We've known each other since we were kids."

"Hey guys, go change into your gear and we'll meet you back at the main court in 10 alright?" Hirugami's smile was comforting, warming Kageyama's heart as he grabbed his duffle bag on the floor and made his way to the changing room.

The moment he stepped into the locker room, all his fears came rushing back. There were numbered lockers with their names taped on them, their uniform hung neatly just under their name tags. On one of the walls was a large glass cabinet showcasing all of the trophies and medals the team had won in the past years.

He quickly changed into his training gear and got into his volleyball shoes before jogging back out to the court. People were already starting to run around the court, and Kageyama and the rest soon joined in.

He knew it was going to be hard at first, but not this hard. He was desperately lagging behind, there was probably a whole meter between him and the person in front. They were finally on the last lap and as soon as Kageyama reached the red line, he grabbed his water bottle, chugging water down his throat, enjoying how the cool liquid felt against his throat.

To make matters worse, the other seemed like they just had a walk in the park. Hoshiumi was barely out of breath, still chatting to their captain and Ushijima didn't even break a sweat.

Kageyama felt like he didn't belong here. The people here were too perfect, too strong. And he wasn't.

He slid down against the wall as he emptied his water bottle in his mouth. It was only warm up, but he felt like his entire body was dying.

There was a ping from his phone and he flipped it over, only to see another text from Suga: "I can feel you being insecure. Stop, you're a great player and you got this. I'm proud of you!!!!"

A small smile escaped from his lips as his captain clapped his hands, signaling for the team to gather around.

"Right, so we have a couple of newcomers today. Some of you might know them before but let's hear an introduction."

"Hoshiumi Kourai, 21. Kamomedai High, wing spiker."

"Ushijima Wakatoshi, 22. Shiratorizawa Academy, wing spiker."

"K-Kageyama Tobio, 20. Karasuno High School, setter."

"Okay, let's waste less time. We're doing some partner drills, that's gonna take around an hour and a half, and after that, we're doing a 3-on-3. Alright? Huddle up."

Kageyama moved towards the circle, and raised his fist.

"Adlers on three. 1, 2, 3."

"Adlers!" The court echoed with the chant. The unison chant sent shivers down Kageyama's spine. He was in the team, no more room for mistakes, no more his close friends cheering him on, no more Hinata.

_What if they don't trust me? What if they saw my middle school mishap? What if no one was there? What if they yell at me for not tossing right? What if I get called the king again? What if they kick me off the te-_

"Kageyama-kun." The low voice snapped him back to reality. "Would you like to partner with me? You were staring off into space." Ushijima was beside him, a volleyball in hand as he motioned to the team who were spread out around the gym.

"Oh sure." Ushijima threw him and Kageyama caught it with his left. "W-what are we supposed to do now?"

"Just simple passing practice, to get us used to partner work and stuff. We will switch partners after 10 minutes, and we go through the team."

Kageyama nodded before he served the ball to Ushijima who sent it back to him. Training was going better until the practice match came. They quickly split up the teams and Kageyama swore he was sweating through his shirt. He could feel his hands shaking, his palms so sweaty he's pretty convinced he can't handle a ball.

_Kageyama, you don't get nervous, what is this._

The game started with a whistle, and Kageyama was about to fucking faint on the court. Ushijima received the ball and sent a perfect receive right to Kageyama.

"Toss, Kageyama!" He heard Hoshiumi yell from behind.

_Should I do a quick? Or a second-tempo? What if they don't trust me? I can't fuck up my first set in Adlers, they will kick me out! Heck, even bench me if that's possible, I can't be benched! Fuck, Kageyama focus._

The moment the ball left his fingertips, he knew he fucked up. The toss fell way too short and it was too close to the net. He left a small curse from his lips as he landed on the ground, physically cringing as he saw how the ball barely even touched the ball as the ball fell, hitting the ground with a small thud.

"Don't worry about it, just get the next one!" Hirugami clapped his hands before getting back into his stance.

He did not get the next one. For almost every toss, it was either too long, too short, way too far from the net, almost hitting the next. All his setter dumps were saved Heiwaijima, his serves were received by Hirugami and everything was basically falling apart.

"Alright, break 5 everyone!" Kageyama was convinced the break was called because he was basically messing up every set in volleyball history.

"Oi Kageyama." _Fuck. They're gonna kick me out. If I pretend to die, will they go easy on me? But what if they're like black bears, can they still kick me out if I'm dead?_

"Kageyama!" Hoshiumi flicked his forehead. 'The hell is wrong with you? Where's the badass Kageyama form training camp? Did Shouyo hit your head too hard with his spikes? I didn't join this team to have a lousy setter! I want to be spike sets from the best setter!"

"B-best setter?"

"Heck yeah best setter! I've watched all your games and god I will literally die to hit your tosses! They look so cool and you go whoosh and Shouyo goes wha-bam and everyone is like gwa and I am like woah-"

"You're like the dumbass."

"Hah? The hell did you say? I'm way taller than that tangerine and I can hit all your tosses, as long as you don't suck that is, and I'm way cooler than him! White hair and orange hair? C'mon, stop cosplaying as a fucking fruit, no offense to you blueberry hair."

"Oh."

Hirugami clapped, and waved for the team to get back to the court. Hoshiumi patted Kageyama's back as they made their way there.

"Be the best setter ever alright? Or I'm going to go join the Black Jackals cause Miya-san, the piss-haired color one, is one heck of a setter." Hoshiumi smirked before jogging ahead, "Send me every toss you got!"

_Best setter. Alright, I can do that._

The game started and Hirugami served, the ball was received perfectly by Ushijima, a smooth parabola forming in the air as the ball flew right above Kageyama's head.

_Every toss you got._

"Hoshiumi-san!" He propelled the ball with his fingertips, the leather bouncing off his calluses, before he heard the familiar sound of a ball smacking against the ground.

"Hell yeah!" He heard Hoshiumi cheer along with gasps from the opposing team and the coach on the side. "That's what I signed up for!"

Maybe this won't be so bad afterall.

\------------------


	25. 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 - 𝘪𝘸𝘢𝘰𝘪

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: iwaoi | oikawa tooru x iwaizumi hajime  
> word count: 2361  
> type: angst

\------------------

The world was cruel, he knew this from the beginning. But he didn't know the extent of it. Just when you think your life is going the way you wanted, the world will pluck it right out of your hands, despite how hard you try to reach out and grab it.

Iwaizumi dreaded his 16th birthday, to be fair, everyone did. The first crack shows when you turn 16. And throughout the years, there's more. Your skin turns grey and falls off like a piece of paint on a wall until you have nothing left. And then, you die.

Iwaizumi has seen people die from the cracks, his aunt was one of them. She couldn't find her soulmate in time, and in the end, she faded away like ashes in the wind. Two people died that day, or so he thought, maybe some people just don't have soulmates.

The worst part of the entire soulmate thing was that the cracks don't go away when you meet them, it only does when two parties acknowledge it, and the newfound bond between the two heals the cracks. Some might have been living with their soulmates for their entire lives but ultimately die not knowing their soulmate was right in front of their eyes. Or even, some knew who was their soulmate but couldn't do anything because the other didn't return the feelings. There was also one rule: the harder you fall, the faster it cracks. Some people don't even last until they're 18, knowing their soulmate would never be theirs. So, they can only watch their soulmate live their life as their skin breaks away, like petals on a wilting flower.

That's the saddest way to go, Iwaizumi thought.

He kicked the gravel on his path, his feet dragging his tired body back home. He has his exams soon, college entrance exams, and he should probably study. But the cracks on his wrist hurt, stinging him every time he tried to scratch the paper with his pen. His mother gave him some pain medicine before he went to school, but the effects were starting to wear off and he could start to feel the dull sting on his wrist again.

Another thing that absolutely sucks about the cracks is that it hurts. Each one feels like skin ripping from your body, the stinging pain clouding your mind so much it could make you dizzy. The longer it takes for you to find your soulmate, the more it hurts. Iwaizumi has heard people commit suicide because of the unbearable pain. He didn't want to be one of them.

The road home wasn't usually this quiet. He usually had Oikawa by his side. But Oikawa hasn't been in school for the past week, leaving Iwaizumi walking home alone.

He's probably studying for the exams at home. It's not rare for him to skip school to study, heck a lot of his classmates do that. _That fucker left me all alone at school._

"Oi, the fuck were you today." He sent a short text to the brunet, before slipping his phone back into his pocket and shoving his hands in his pockets.

His phone rang, Oikawa's name showing up on the screen. He pressed answer and held the phone against his ear.

"Iwa-chan!" Iwaizumi cringed at the nickname. He never really understood why Oikawa loved that nickname, it stuck with him since they were small, despite how many times Iwaizumi told him to not say it. "I got a boyfriend!"

"You got a boyfriend when you have exams two months away? Don't you want to get into university? I know you got offers lining up but still."

"I'll manage Iwa-chan! Oh, he's here! I'll talk to you later!"

And he hung up.

That was the last time Iwaizumi has heard from Oikawa for the rest of the week. He was used to Oikawa disappearing on him when he got a boyfriend, it wasn't the first time this has happened anyway.

But for an entire week, Iwaizumi heard nothing about Oikawa. He hasn't been in school, it was like he disappeared into thin air, just gone from existence.

So Iwaizumi decided to do a surprise home check, dropping at Oikawa's house to see what the heck was going on.

He pressed the doorbell and shoved his hands in his pockets as he rocked on his heels to wait for the door to open.

"Hajime-kun?" It was Oikawa's mother. And that was the moment when Iwaizumi knew something was either up, or Oikawa managed to burn down the house. Cause Mrs. Oikawa is a workaholic, staying at her office till late hours, that's the reason Oikawa sleeps over at Iwaizumi's place so often.

"Good afternoon Mrs. Oikawa. C-can I see Oikawa? I have his homework."

There was a pause before Mrs. Oikawa spoke again.

"It's not a good time Hajime-kun. H-he's busy. How bout you swing by another day?"

Busy? It was a Sunday afternoon, he should be anything but busy. Oikawa probably isn't going to do the entrance exams cause he probably has scholarships and full rides from universities everywhere.

So why was he busy?

"O-oh, okay then. I'll get going now. Can you tell Tooru I've been here?"

There was this look on Mrs. Oikawa's face that Iwaizumi couldn't describe. She had a sad smile, the corners of her lips not reaching the peak, but at the same time her eyes, her eyes were like she saw a beam of light in front of her eyes, something that would rush in and save the day.

"Of course, I'll tell him that you dropped by."

The door was slammed shut in front of his face. Iwaizumi didn't know how to react, heck how should he even react? Knock again? Leave? Stay there until Mrs. Oikawa left? What was the appropriate response?

Iwaizumi kind of just stood there for a whole minute, staring at the wooden door as the small bell jingled, ringing out in the empty neighborhood.

He knocked on the door again.

"Mrs. Oikawa. May I please see Tooru?" He looked at the lady dead in the eye, letting her know that he isn't leaving until he gets a yes.

"Hajime, please leave." The door opened for a few seconds before it was closed again, a gust of wind hitting Iwaizumi's face.

So he left, climbing into his bed wondering what the hell went wrong. Did his boyfriend cheat on him? But Iwaizumi was always the first person he goes to when he has relationship trouble, not that he wants to listen but he rather have Oikawa sharing his thoughts than have him bottle them up.

Wait. Did he do something wrong? Not that he remembers. He just called him the usual nicknames, like Shittykawa, or Trashykawa. Oikawa never seemed to mind, did he though? Maybe he didn't want Iwaizumi to feel bad so he kept it silent? Was that it?

Questions swirled around his mind as he went home, flopping on his bed and staring at the plain old ceiling. On Sundays like these, he would have Oikawa over, both of them arguing what movies to watch, with Oikawa fussing over E.T. and Iwaizumi arguing for Godzilla, but most of the time, the two just ended up watching some random movie that was recommended to them, with a big tub of popcorn between them.

Come to think of it, Iwaizumi hasn't had Oikawa over since they got into 3rd year. It was either Oikawa was busy, or they had tests coming up. The movie weekends started to fade away as both of them got older, had other things to worry about.

Monday rolled around after Iwaizumi decided to waste his time away on TikTok, scrolling through aimless videos of people trying to dance (they can't). He found some funny videos, mainly trick shot fails, or random couple pranks and sent them to Tooru, but none of them got an answer, it wasn't even on "seen".

They were on study break, school giving them almost a month off before their exams took place. He could picture Oikawa right now, lying around his bed, watching another volleyball game on his computer with his futon wrapped around his shoulders, knees curled tight against his chest as he stared at his screen intensely for hours.

He was halfway through his literature work, when his phone made a noise. He flipped it over, only to find a voice message from Oikawa.

Frantically, unlocking his phone and pressing onto the voice message, he could only hear a very weak "I-iwa-chan" before the memo was over.

 _Tooru_.

He bolted to the door, not even bothering to slip on his shoes before he ran out, his feet in pain as he ran through the gravel, the rocks cutting through his skin as he came to a halt in front of the Oikawa house.

"Tooru?" He yelled as he swung the door open, running upstairs to the room he used to hang out in almost every day. "Tooru."

Oikawa was on his bed, his back against the door as he faced away. His room was an absolute mess, there was scattered paper everywhere, all writing the same name, over and over: Iwaizumi Hajime.

Iwaizumi Hajime. Iwaizumi Hajime. Iwaizumi Hajime.

They were stuck to walls, covering the floors and spread all over his desk. His name, in different pens, different colors, but one handwriting.

Oikawa's.

"Oikawa?" He ran to his bedside, kneeling before his best friend as a horrifying sight turned around.

Oikawa, his face as grey as ashes, skin cracks all over his face like a broken vase, with one touch, everything would fall apart.

"Kawa? W-what, is this? When was this?" Iwaizumi asked. He didn't dare to touch him, Oikawa looked so fragile, as if he would crumble and disappear into the air with one simple touch.

"It," Oikawa let out a lifeless chuckle, "It was always you, Iwa-chan. Always have been, how foolish of me." Oikawa let out a smile, one that didn't radiate happiness nor his usual energy, but one filled with dread and regret.

"I didn't want to tell you, cause I know you would never love me back." Iwaizumi was so confused.

"Love? Oikawa I love you! You know that!"

"Not that love silly Iwa. You're my soulmate."

Soulmate. Oikawa Tooru is Iwaizumi Hajime's soulmate.

"W-what?"

"I knew you would never love me back, so I pushed you away. I didn't want you seeing me like this."

"I love you Tooru, I love you. I love you, please, come back. It's not too late, Tooru, you're my soulmate, I know that now. Please, I love-"

"I'm sorry Iwa, it's too late."

There was still one bit of pink, right on the corner of Oikawa's lips. It stood out against the grey, poking out like a sore thumb, cracks surrounding it, but so pale yet full of life.

The last crack of life.

Iwaizumi tenderly placed a finger on the spot. It was a bit warm, unlike the rest of his body. Oikawa winced, probably because Iwaizumi brushed against his cracks, but still smiled.

"I'm sorry Hajime."

"No, no, no, don't say that. I can still fix this, how can I fix this! Fuck, I should've known, I should've fucking known, why hadn't you told me? I would've come, I would've saved you Tooru."

"It's okay Hajime. I love you, and that's all that matters. Thank you for being my best friend, and my soulmate."

"Stop, Oikawa, stop talking. I'll get a doctor, I'll call the ambulance, we can still fix this Oikawa. You can still live, we can still live, please, I'm begging you. Fix this, fix this please!"

That last bit of pink was fading, growing paler, and paler, before it merged with the dull grey on his body.

"Tooru? No, no, come back! Tooru, come back!" Iwaizumi tried to grab onto him, but Oikawa was gone, his skin cracking, powdering into ashes as his body disappeared.

"Tooru? No, come back, please!" He tried collecting the ashes, gathering them into one pile and desperately trying to make his best frie-, no soulmate, reappear on the bed.

A gust of wind blew by, and Oikawa, or rather Oikawa's ashes, flew out the window, escaping Iwaizumi's grip as he followed, his hand reaching out, trying to reclaim his soulmate, but the powder flew, and eventually, gone with the wind.

There was a pain as Iwaizumi landed on Oikawa's empty bed. He could feel another part of him starting to crack, on his chest, right over his heart.

He doesn't even know if it was real, or was his heart aching so bad it felt like it was splitting in two. His chest was closing off, the oxygen in his lungs leaving his body in heaves. His brain was clouding, over everything that has happened in the past 15 minutes.

His best friend, soulmate, died. Because of him.

He slumped against the bed, exhausted, and drained as he took in the sight in front of him.

It all made sense now. Oikawa starting to distance himself from Iwaizumi, getting a boyfriend, risking everything. It was all because of him.

Oikawa knew from the beginning, ever since his first crack appeared on the back of his neck, that his soulmate was Iwaizumi.

Why didn't he tell me? Did he think I would reject him?

Probably. That's how Tooru's brain worked anyway. Pushing people away when he needed them the most.

Iwaizumi didn't dare to think what could happen if Oikawa told him about this earlier. They would've become soulmates, they wouldn't have cracks to hide.

_Oikawa wouldn't have died._

Mrs. and Mr. Oikawa came home from grocery shopping, only to find their son, literally gone from existence. Iwaizumi stood there as the two broke down in tears, kneeling beside his now cold bed as they repeated Iwaizumi's actions, desperately gathering what was left of their son.

He didn't know what would happen, will he die soon after because his soulmate was dead? Will he find another soulmate?

But he was sure about one thing: life was going to hurt like hell.

\------------------


	26. 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭 - 𝘰𝘪𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘢

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: oisuga | oikawa tooru x sugawara koushi  
> word count: 1111  
> tw: mentions of death of family members  
> type: angst

\------------------

Koushi stepped into the toy store, smiling as he took in the joyful music and aisles of toys and cuddly stuffed animals. It was their baby boy's fifth birthday and he's going to spoil the little kid rotten.

He walked over to the stuffed animal aisle and saw a stuffed bird, the ones that can dance when you press a button and it can walk on its own.

 _He's going to love this_ , he thought to himself. He placed the soft toy in the basket and moved on to the store.

The basket in his hand was getting a bit heavy, filled to the brim with toys, like LEGOs, stuffed animals, and bags and bags of sweets.

He made his way to the cashier, sending the teen a lovely smile as they scanned his items.

"What's the occasion?" They asked, punching some numbers into the computer.

"It's my kid's birthday. He's turning five!" Koushi grinned, giving the nice teen his card as they swiped it.

"There you go, you're all good. Your kid's so lucky to have you as a father. Say happy birthday to the kid for me!" The cashier handed Koushi his bag and waved him off.

_Toys? Check. Now? Cake!_

He stopped by the bakery and crouched in front of the glass showcase. There were rows and rows of cakes, decorated in different styles. Some in cliche white and red words, some fancy with cartoon characters decorated all over the cake. The sweet smell of vanilla and chocolate, filling him with childhood nostalgia where he would sit in front of the bakery and watch new cakes getting displayed.

Koushi could feel the drool forming in his mouth, his lips curving into a soft smile as he stood up.

"Hey, I'm here to pick up my cake. Left it under Sugawara." He gave a smile to the baker, and the baker returned with a smile before disappearing behind the counter and reappearing with a box.

"Here, if you're good with it, please sign here." The baker opened the box, and showed the cake to Koushi.

The cake was perfect. It was pale yellow, with "Happy 5th Birthday" written in beautiful handwriting on the cake. Koushi had a warm fuzzy feeling in his chest as he signed the paper, handing it back to the baker with a smile.

He took the cake in one hand and the toys in another, before leaving the bakery, not before sending his cheerful smile to the baker, and made his way back home.

_He is going to be so happy._

Koushi walked up the stairs to his apartment and dug the keys from his back pocket. He jammed the key into the door and twisted it with difficulty. _When did this lock become so broken?_ He leaned against the door to get it open, and the wooden plank swung open with a creak.

"Tooru! I'm back!" He waved a bit, the dust catching his face. "Look what I got him!"

Tooru came out from inside the house, his head disheveled as he said, "Who? Oh, Koushi..."

"I got him this stuffed animal! And look at this cake! Where is he? Does he have school today? Oh, we can go pick him up! I haven't picked him up from school in forever! When does he get off? Should we go now, wait let's put the cake in the fridge first, or it's going to melt-"

"Koushi, stop." Tooru had tears running down his face, "Please stop."

"T-tooru? What's wrong? Why are you crying? Is everything okay?" Koushi walked up to cup Tooru's face only to have the latter push him away.

"Koushi wake up! Look around us!" Koushi stepped back from his husband and looked around the apartment. It was old and battered down, the paint on the walls cracking and falling off. It was like no one managed or cared for the house in years.

"He's gone Koushi!" Tooru screamed, tears running down his face like a waterfall.

"W-what do you mean? He's just at school!"

"He's been gone for five years Koushi," Tooru yelled, throwing the bag of toys away, the plastic falling out from the bag and crashing onto the ground. "Every time you do this, I feel like he died again. Over and over, for five fucking years, Koushi!"

"No, this, no. T-tooru, you don't know what you're talking about-"

"He's gone, Koushi. He died five years ago, he died when he was born. I know it's hard, but please. Stop this, stop forgetting your son was never home. He never lived his life. He died when he was born, Koushi!"

The cake in Koushi's hand fell on the ground with a soft thud as his knees buckled under him, his body falling limp as he crashed onto the ground.

"O-our baby boy?" Koushi made out, tears pricking his eyes as he looked up to Tooru. "He's gone?"

"He's been gone for five years Koushi. Please, stop." Tooru knelt in front of him, a hand on his cheek as his brown eyes stared into Koushi. "You still live in this world, created this entire universe where he's still alive, please, I'm begging you, please stop. It hurts, it hurts so much Koushi."

Tooru fell into his arms, sobs wracking from his thin body frame, echoing in the empty apartment. "Please, please stop. It hurts." He sobbed, staining Koushi's sweater as his tears fell like escaping a dam.

"T-this isn't real, this can't be real, no, this can't be real. Tooru, stop playing with me." Koushi pushed Tooru off as he got up and ran into the house.

Room after room, he searched, looking for signs of his son, only to find nothing. Not even one picture or a toy, or even a backpack. Nothing that can prove there was a little boy in their lives.

"Where is he? Tooru, stop this, now! Please! I'm begging you, where is he?" His voice rang in the apartment, knees crashing on the wooden planks as he screamed on the top of his lungs. "Where is he?"

His body shook with sobs, screaming as he slumped onto the ground. "Where's my son?"

"I'm sorry Koushi." His husband knelt beside him, pulling him close as the older man broke down in realization that his son was never there. "I'm so, so, sorry, Koushi, we can get better okay?"

Grief is never easy, there are ups and downs. Grieving for parents, for children, for loved ones, or even for people who have no idea we exist. Your feelings are valid, and trust me when I say this: It will get better.

Take as long as you need.

\------------------


	27. 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 - 𝘬𝘶𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘯

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: kuroken | kuroo tetsuro x kozume kenma  
> word count: 1200  
> tw: mentions of death  
> type: angst

\------------------

"Hey, it's me again. I don't really know what to expect when I called you, hehe. You never did pick up your phone on the first ring, I used to come over and bang on your door only to realize you were gaming away and couldn't answer my calls. But that's okay, at least you were here.

I miss you though. It's lonely without you. Might be a good time to tell you I finally finished that stupid level in Overcook, it was so hard. Everything caught on fire and the tables were sliding everywhere, but at least now you won't have to yell at me for dumping the tomatoes on the ground, right?

Ah, anyway. Work's been shit, boring even. So much numbers and all that crap, makes my head hurt. Wished that I could come home and cuddle you, but I can't, which fucking sucks. You give great cuddles, yeah, yeah I know you're punching the air right now.

I miss you. Every single day. Your voice, your scent, everything. The way you used to yell at me for barging in on your streams, or when I ate all your food without telling you, or how you like to climb into bed and just, hang onto me when you had a bad day, I miss it.

You know, I've always loved you. Ever since we were kids, the day my mom brought you over to my house cause your parents had to go on a business trip. I knew you were my person. Even though you did punch me in the face when I won the game, I don't even remember what game it was.

Say, will I forget you one day? It's been, what, a month? Or two months? I don't even want to know at this point, since you left me. It sucks, it really does. Every day I cling onto bits and pieces of you left. Your gaming setup is still in the office, I wouldn't dare to touch it, heck if I did, you might come back from the dead just to yell at me.

Fuck, fuck, fucking hell Kenma! Why did it have to be you. There were so many people on that bus, and you rarely take buses. And on that fucking day, you didn't want me to take you to work. And you got on that stupid bus, and, shit Kenma. What would've happened if you just stayed home?

We would be cuddling right now, instead of now, me sitting in this empty fucking apartment, crying and calling my dead fiancé's number. I don't even know why I'm calling. Maybe somewhere inside of me, as ridiculous as it seems, hopes if I kept calling you, just stubbornly insisted. You might miraculously appear.

This place, this apartment, this world, used to be ours. But now, it's so, it's so cold Kenma. It's so cold I'm freezing even with your favorite weighted blanket on.

Have I told you about that time I thought I entered the wrong apartment cause you weren't there? It was right after you're gone, and I still had to go to work cause my boss is just a dickhead. I came home, unlocked the door, and I thought I got into someone's apartment cause I couldn't hear you screaming at the game, or the familiar smell of burnt food in the kitchen.

I closed the door and then I realized, it was really my home. B-but nothing was right! I-it was like a totally different house, walls that I lived in, w-weren't mine.

But somehow, I am surrounded by things that remind me of you! Your PS4 and your Switch that you keep by the TV, your posters that somehow ended up everywhere in our bedroom, remember the volleyball you gave me on my 6th birthday? It's still here, sitting at the corner of my bedroom, surrounding and staring at me and reminding me of the fact that the person I love the most is gone!

You're gone! You're gone forever! And you can't come back! Some part of me still believes that you're just lost, and you'll manage to come back to me, and hug me, and just be here. Kenma, why aren't you here? I miss you, fuck I miss you so much, Kenma can't you see that I miss you? I miss you, I miss you, I miss YOU but you aren't here! A-and, you'll never be.

I miss you so badly, Kenma. I miss you at work, at home, why can't you come back? I miss how you would jump into my arms when you come back from a business meeting. I miss how you would swear at your game every time you would lose, and you would come out of your room and whine and ask me to play, but ended up getting annoyed at how I was even shittier than you. I miss how you would just sit and stare at the sunset, and how the light just perfectly reflects off your face, and then you would turn back, and send me a smile that still makes my heart flutter to this day.

But, I guess we can't have everything can we? I heard this phone number is getting cut off soon, so this is, to quote George Washington and your Hamilton obsession that no one knows about "One Last Time", I guess. A-and I can't talk to you anymore. I-I can't bring myself to say goodbye Kenma, and I have so many things I still haven't said to you. Like, how much I love you, and I am so, so sorry for not saying it that morning before you left. I'm sorry for not saying it the night before, I'm sorry for not saying it more often.

I'm sorry I couldn't save you.

I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you, I'm sorry I couldn't protect you like I'm supposed to.

I'm sorry for not saying goodbye.

C-can you forgive me? Forgive me for letting you go, forgive me for not trying my best, forgive me for all the times I made you mad, or the times where I accidentally switched off your game before you saved it, or the times where I ate your food. Can you forgive me, m-my apple pie?

Bokuto's picking me up soon, he said I need to get out of the house more. I guess he's right. Will I ever be ready to say goodbye? I don't think if you gave me all the time in the world, I would never be ready. But I guess, you gotta do things you don't want to. I'm gonna go visit you tomorrow, bring you some flowers, though not sure if you'd like them or not, I was always the flower guy in the relationship.

I guess this is goodbye now. Goodbye, Kenma. I love you, and I will always love you. I'll see you in Heaven baby, alright? Save some apple pies for me up there, you're going to get a cavity with all the sugar that's in it. Can you even get cavities in Heaven? J-just one last thing and one last time, Kuroo Tetsurou loves you."

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	28. 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘴 - 𝘬𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘢

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: kagehina | hinata shoyo x kageyama tobio  
> word count: 2524  
> type: fluff

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Kageyama stood up as a single piece of paper flew off from somewhere on his body to the ground. He bent down and picked up the small piece of paper. It was around the size of his palm, well, before it was folded in half.

He unfolded the paper and straightened it on the desk. Inside it was a messily written note, filled with crossed-out words and random doodles, one that caught his eye was a badly drawn blueberry drinking a box of milk.

"Hiya Bakayama! I really like you! Please go out with me >//< I'm nervous, don't be mean ;-;!!!! Meet me outside the gate after school ends, we can go get dinner!! Of course, if you're busy, we can make it another day!!"

Under the messy handwriting were yet the same three checkboxes. One with a smiley face, one with a frown, and one empty.

He checked the third box and wrote, "Yeah sure :) I gotta see Sensei afterschool so I might be five-ish minutes late. Wait for me though." He slid the note in his pocket and grabbed his books as the bell rang.

The lunch bell soon rang after Kageyama basically zoned out for the majority of his classes. He grabbed his bento box and headed towards the steps outside the gym, a silent agreement where Hinata and Kageyama always had lunch.

Hinata soon came around the corner and sat down next to Kageyama who was already eating his lunch. "I'm gonna go get a drink, be right back." As soon as Hinata was out of sight, Kageyama slipped the note in his bag, and returned to his lunch like nothing ever happened.

Lunch went by, very awkwardly. The distance between the two was far too wide, the silence was too loud to break, and Kageyama's lunch wasn't too appetizing. His heart was too busy fixated on how the orange-haired boy was sitting right next to him, eating his own lunch.

The way his mouth opens when he sends the spoon in, how his eyes glance down as he scoops up the next bite, how his fingers hold onto the box as he moves the spoon. Everything about him became fascinating.

School seemed to drag on, the seconds passing by slower than ever, and of course, he was the first one to bolt out of the classroom when the bell finally rang. Sensei? Nah, that was just an excuse. He ran towards the vending machine and stood there for a good second, before pressing Hinata's favorite drink, grape soda and heard a clunk at the bottom chute. He dug out a sticky note he kept in his pocket and a pen before scribbling "I know this is your favorite, and you didn't drink it during lunch, so here :)" and ran for the gate.

Hinata was already waiting there, hands in his pockets as he leaned against the stone column, looking at his phone with his bag beside him.

"Dumbass, catch." Kageyama yelled, throwing the can towards Hinata as the latter frantically tried to catch it before it fell on the ground and created a huge mess.

He blushed as he saw Hinata read the note, his fingers fiddling as he watched the smaller boy intently, capturing every emotion on his face as the latter's eyes darted line after line. The moment when Hinata finally looked up, a sheepish smile on his face as he opened the can and took a big gulp of the grape soda that Kageyama Tobio bought him, Kageyama knew, somewhere in that brain of his, that those silly little notes would be a frequent occurrence.

It was two months into their relationship, and Kageyama would often find those silly little notes lying around, his desks, his bag, heck one time it was lying in his shoe. It was always about something random, the weather, once it was about Yamaguchi's freckles, another time it was about how he should stop drinking milk because he'd grow too tall for Hinata to kiss him. On the lips.

Kageyama remembered he blushed furiously after that. He doesn't even need a mirror to tell him he looked like a whole tomato, his face was heating up and there's an uncontainable smile on his face. He was whipped.

"Kageyama-kun, answer this question." The teacher's loud voice almost shocked him off of his chair, earning snickers around the classroom. "Do I need to repeat this question?"

"Uh, yes, please."

"If A(2,6) is the center of the circle with radius r. Write down the equation of the circle in terms of r."

_What the circle fuck._

"I-uh, I don't know." He scratched his head as he heard snickers from his classmates. _Screw Hinata and his cute face._

_Oh yeah, he is cute. His cheeks are so squishy and he gets so loud sometimes. Oh he also likes to jump and cling onto me and he will wrap his legs around my waist and-_

"Kageyama-kun!"

"Ah, sorry sensei."

"Sit down and pay attention, or else I'm going to assign you extra work." Kageyama sat back down, but of course, he didn't pay attention, his brain was filled with one particular orange-haired kid.

He grabbed one post-it note from the stack he had in his drawer. Ever since the two started dating, Kageyama has kept a stack of post-it notes in his drawer, writing small notes to Hinata every time a random thought popped into his head.

"Wanna go grab dinner together? We can go stargazing afterward." Unbeknownst to most people, Kageyama has, surprisingly, another hobby outside of volleyball, which was stargazing. He loved looking up at night and seeing all those shiny spots, looking down on him. He spent years studying them, knowing all the constellations and all that jazz.

He hopped out of his seat the second the bell rang and went into Hinata's classroom. As expected, Hinata was sprawled out on his desk, fast asleep. Hinata had a free period right before break, and he usually slept through those periods.

Kageyama slipped the note in Hinata's shirt pocket before landing a small kiss on his temple, letting out a small squeak as the shorter boy shifted and ran out of the classroom before his boyfriend could wake up.

Hinata sent him back a note with a "yes" in all caps during PE (they have joint PE lessons), sliding beside him at the lockers and stuffing the small slip of paper in his palm, while looking away like he wasn't doing a drug deal in the middle of class with his boyfriend.

When he got back to class, he scribbled a note and shoved it in his pocket, the corners of the paper crinkling up and poking against his thigh.

When the bell _finally_ rang, Kageyama shoved all his things in his bag and bolted out the door, not caring if he bumped into people cause he wants to be the person waiting for Hinata.

Maybe the two had the same thought in mind, because halfway to the school gate, Hinata had caught up to him. The two ran like idiots towards the school gate while yelling and causing students to jump out of their paths.

"Damn it!" Hinata whined as Kageyama's fingers touched the sign first. "I have short hands! No fair!" He childishly swung his hands and stomped his feet, sticking his bottom lip out as he looked up at Kageyama, who had a smirk on his face.

"I'll get you meat buns okay?" Kageyama held his hand out and Hinata took it happily, swinging their interlocked fingers between them as the two made their way to the convenience store.

"Oh hey, lovebirds." Coach Ukai greeted them at the cashier, "Meat buns as usual?"

The two nodded, but before Kageyama could pay for the two, Ukai pushed his hand away and handed him the paper bag. "Get your lovey-dovey ass out of my store, go, it's on me."

So they went out, yelling bye to their coach as the man shooed the two teens outside.

"Where do you wanna go now?" Kageyama asked, taking a bite of the hot meat bun.

"The beach!"

"The beach? It's February! It's too cold to swim!"

"Not to swim! I just like sitting there and watching the sunset, it's almost time anyway!" And Hinata grabbed Kageyama's hand before running off, dragging the dark-haired male behind him.

"Wah! Slow down dumbass!" He yelled, his hand touching his pocket making sure the slip of paper was still there. Good.

What was supposed to be a 10-minute walk turned into a 5-minute run, as the two slowed down their pace, walking hand in hand beside the water. Their shoes were discarded near the trees, same goes for their school bags, meat buns long finished as they felt the water seep between their toes, dragging away the sand beneath them.

They were just enjoying the scenery, the feeling of being there for each other when the rain started pouring down.

"Fuck, we gotta go!"

"No, stay! I want to play in the rain!"

"What are you, 5?"

"Don't tell me you don't want to play in the rain, c'mon on!" Hinata was practically beaming, he was looking up at the sky, the rain battering down on his face as he giggled. "C'mon Kageyama!"

Kageyama just stared. Hinata looked so happy. His face was practically glowing, just like the sunset behind them. He was laughing and his eyes disappearing cause of how big his smile is. His hair was all damp and wet due to the rain, and his button-up was completely soaked, revealing the hoodie inside.

_He looks like an angel. He's beautiful._

"Kageyama!" Hinata said, dragging out the "a". "Don't just stand there!"

"Can I kiss you?" He blurted out.

"What?"

Kageyama took out the soiled note from his pocket, the words were smudged and the paper was on the verge of falling off, but he handed the small pale blue memo to Hinata, who squinted just to read it.

"Can I please kiss you?" It wrote.

Hinata's reply was to crash his lips on Kageyama. It was wet, messy but to Kageyama, it was perfect. He took Hinata's bottom lip as his hand dug into Hinata's damp hair, while the latter has his arms wrapped around his neck.

Kageyama felt like the protagonist of a show, cameras circling around them as they finally have the close-up of their kiss after episodes and episodes of torturous slow burn.

Maybe time stopped when their lips finally met, but the giddy feeling and the butterflies in Kageyama's stomach only intensified. Kageyama couldn't do anything but feel, felt how his heart pounded against his chest and how his knees were threatening to fail to support him. But also to feel how soft Hinata's lips were, how he singlehandedly filled Kageyama's mind with endless feelings he never experienced.

It wasn't clear if he was dreaming or not, some part of him still thinks this was a scene he imagined on top of his hand but he felt the raw emotion when Hinata tightened his grip around his neck, pulling the two closer together as if it was possible. Kageyama kept his eyes open, sneaking peeks at Hinata every time he came back for air, just to make sure this wasn't a part of his guilty dream.

He could feel the fear and nervousness draining away with the water falling from their shirts, face, or hair, dripping away as seconds passed. He couldn't help but let his lips curl up a little as Hinata reattached his lips to his, hungrily reconnecting them as the two bodies pressed close together.

They finally pulled away, breathing heavily as their foreheads pressed together. Kageyama smiled, stifling a chuckle as his mind rewound what happened in the last few minutes.

"Holy shit." Hinata panted as he finally caught his breath. "That was my first kiss!"

"Mine too."

The rain has died down, from full-on pouring rain to light showers. The sky was now dark, the moon hung brightly in the sky as the two stood alone on the beach.

"Wait." Hinata let go of Kageyama's hand and dashed to where their school bags were. The orange-haired boy dug out a pen from his bag and gave a big tick on the wet paper.

Kageyama reached out to take the paper only to have the latter slap his hand away.

"Hey! I'm keeping this!"

"But it's wet!"

"So what!"

"I really like you Hinata."

"I really like you too Kageyama."

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	29. 𝘷𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘥𝘢𝘺 - 𝘶𝘬𝘢𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: ukatake | ukai keishin x takeda ittetsu  
> word count: 1785  
> type: fluff

\------------------

Working on Valentines' day at a coffee shop is the least thing Takeda wants to do. There were flashy couples everywhere, holding hands, whispering sweet nothings in the other's ear as the other giggled and covered their mouth with their hand. Oh, don't forget the "feeding each other". You're grown adults, just _why_. The soft classical music in the background doesn't really help.

Also, and the proposals. Takeda has seen at least 4 proposals happening in the cafe today. Roses, tears, and those "uwu" coos.

Yeah, Takeda wants nothing to do with that. He's 30, and single. That's like the worst way to celebrate valentine's day. At this point it's not even celebrating, it's just tolerating.

"Here's your peach tea and cupcakes, enjoy your meal." He set the teacup down at the table, suppressing his eye rolls as the female giggled.

It's an understatement to say Valentine's day is Takeda's least favorite holiday, and he's usually a guy who loves holidays, being the first person to decorate his apartment with Christmas decorations, Easter bunnies, heck he starts planning his Halloween on the 1st of November, _the year before_. But Valentine's day was always lonely, he got dumped once on Valentine's. That wasn't fun.

The cafe was buzzing with people, chatter ringing in Takeda's ear as he dashed through the small space, apologizing and swerving as he delivered the plates to customers. _Stop occupying the entire pathway with your disgusting hand-holding._

"Server!" Fuck. Takeda can't wait for this day to be over. _And I can finally go home and watch Shrek while contemplating my entire life's existence._

"Are there chicken nuggets here? Those are supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."

_Oh my fucking god. What the fuck._

"Sir, I'm so sorry but this is a cafe? There are no chicken nuggets." Takeda put on the fakest genuine smile he could muster before looking at the man. He had spiky blond hair with a hairband, a toothpick in his mouth, and for some reason, he was wearing a long cloak? Oh God, no those weird-ass men who think he's so cool when he looks like a pervert.

"Oh sorry, I wasn't looking for you." The blond man turned around, winking at Takeda.

_Okay, at least he's a handsome pervert?_

"Uh okay then, just call out if you need help." Takeda could basically recite those lines. Step one, curl your lips into a smile. Step two, open your mouth and pray to the heavens nothing inappropriate comes out.

Takeda gave the man a polite nod before moving back to the kitchen and continued waiting tables and pray to the almighty son of Jesus Christ that this day would end as soon as possible.

"Hey Takeda, appreciate you helping out here, most of the folks are out on dates and not many people agreed to work today. Speaking of which, don't you have a girl to get to?" His boss winked at him. She isn't a bad person, just a little too invested in everyone's personal lives.

"I'm gay," Takeda mumbled as he grabbed the cheese souffle and headed out. Another reason why he hates Valentine's day, he's stuck with the weird people at work, since most of his friends are sipping on wine glasses or somewhere on a hot air balloon doing romantic shit.

The day soon went by with Takeda rolling his eyes and pushing back the gagging feeling in his throat. When the sun finally set and the last couple finally made their way out of the cafe after Takeda had to glare at them for a good 10 minutes, Takeda sighed in relief and locked up the cafe.

_The best part of valentine's day is its ending._

His home is a few blocks down the cafe, just a 5-minute walk. It was a cozy house, handed down from his parents after they passed away last year. He slipped on his dumb bunny slippers and plopped himself on the couch, flipping on the TV and groaning when he saw The Simpsons being on, nothing against the show, he'd just rather watch something soft like some Ghibli movies instead of that.

He switched to the news channel only to find news of Biden signing some new forms. No news after a whole day of work, please. He was about to switch off the TV before there were frantic knocks on the door.

_Delivery? I didn't order anything. Maybe a secret valentine's gift?_

He swung the door open and immediately closed it when he saw who was behind.

"Please let me in or they're gonna kill me." The man outside begged. "Oi, I know you hear me inside, open up. Just let me stay for like 5 minutes, I promise I'm not gonna kill you."

Takeda opened the door and found the chicken nuggets guy outside, there was a hole right above his knee on his pants, his shirt disheveled and messy. His hair band was long gone and now, he looks like a pervert.

"Alright, get in here but if I get killed because of you, I'm blaming you," Takeda said, letting the man in and closing the door. "Also, I would like to stop calling you Mr. Chicken nuggets so what is your name? Or can you even say your name-"

"Ukai. Ukai Keishin."

"And why are you running away like someone is chasing after you with an army of men in black are chasing you with guns and you carry like secret information that might save the world."

Ukai gave him a weird look before saying, "You watch too many movies, uh,"

"Takeda. Takeda Ittetsu." He eyed the hole in his pants. "Can I sew that up, cause I don't really want to look at your knee right now?" Ukai let out a low chuckle, before unbuckling his belt _right_ in front of Takeda, causing the older man to shriek and cover his eyes.

"Uh, I'll go grab you a pair of pants, and can you grab the sewing kit in the cabinet near the door as well? Um, bye." Takeda scurried out of the room, hands still over his eyes as he walked right into the doorframe. Ukai let out a laugh as he walked over and gently guided the man away from more potential brain damage.

Before he knew it, Ukai was attacked with a pair of sweats thrown at him, the fabric hitting him in the face and falling on the ground. "Please wear it before I come out!"

Ukai stepped out of his pants and wore the sweats. The only thing is, Takeda is much shorter than Ukai, so the pants ended up stopping halfway between his calves.

"It's a bit short, Take." He mumbled, "I look like a clown."

Takeda peeked out of the hallway only to double over in laughter as he saw the man in his living room. Ukai was standing like a toddler wearing their younger sibling's clothes, awkward and out of place. He still had his white button-up on, some small blood stains on his shirt, if you looked at him from the waist up, he could probably kill you but the grey sweats made him seem like a kid who just got back home from school.

Takeda disappeared into his room and came back soon after with an oversized sweater.

"This is too big on me, it might fit you though," Takeda handed the shirt to Ukai, blushing as the latter decided to just unbutton his shirt.

He was toned for sure, subtle abs peeping out in his abdomen, his arm was covered with tattoos, from random doodles to the cliche dragon, you could barely see his skin color anymore. Takeda stared at the art, mesmerized by how the drawings seem to flow from his neck to his arm, each one telling its own story.

"Take a picture, it lasts longer." That snapped Takeda out of it.

"Wha-, no, I wasn't- Am I living in some sort of Wattpad fanfiction right now?"

Ukai let out a chuckle that made Takeda's heart do leaps and somersaults. _He's just a weirdo you met today, chill out Takeda._

"Can I ask you why you were running away? Or like someone is chasing you down?" Takeda asked, taking a seat on the couch as Ukai followed suit.

"Uh, I was a spy agent in a local drug deal corp and they kinda found out I was from the mafia." Ukai scratched the back of his head, dropping the information like he told Takeda he was going to the mall on a Saturday morning.

"You're in the mafia?" Takeda yelped, "And you're an agent? That's it, you're never leaving this place, you're too cool." Takeda cheered, grabbing the remote and flipping on the TV.

"So, how long do you gotta wait?" Takeda asked as he switched to his Disney+, "Do you have to like, text your boss and tell him 'I'm stranded in a stranger's house, please come pick me up'?"

"They're probably gonna give up soon, but they most probably told the other corporation that I'm spying in so uh, I have no idea when can I leave, hold on."

Ukai grabbed his phone from the coffee table and punched in some numbers, "Hey grandpa, stop yelling at me!....No, I do no- grandpa! I'm at someone's place right now...stop telling me to use protection what the hell? No he's not affiliated with anyone, yes I used the code, you made me look so stupid, who uses Mary Poppins as their code?"

_So that's why there's the supercalifragilisticexpialidocious._

"Anyway, I don't think I can come back tonight. TIO might be after my tail after the Train so, yeah, tell Boshi not to miss me too much, save some dumplings for me. Bye!"

"Boshi?"

"My dog. He's so cute, look at him!" Ukai scrolled through his phone for a while before shoving the bright screen in Takeda's face, on it was a small golden retriever, his tail wagging so hard it was blurry in the picture and had his tongue out.

"Oh my god he's so cute." Takeda cooed.

"You live here alone?"

"No, my roommate got in trouble with tax fraud, of course I live alone." There was a pause before Takeda continued, "Are you planning on murdering me?"

"What no? Where did you get that from? Is a mafia member in way too short sweatpants and sweatshirt saying "Property of Levi Ackerman" really scream murder?"

Takeda chuckled, letting himself relax despite a mafia member was in his home, running from people trying to kill him. This has got to be the most interesting valentine's ever.

Well, except the time his ex-boyfriend dumped him on valentine's, but we don't talk about that-

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	30. 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘯 - 𝘴𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘮𝘶𝘳𝘢 𝘥𝘢𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘪

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: sawamura daichi  
> word count: 2581  
> type: angst?  
> note: i wrote an alternate ending for this so do check it out and comment which one you liked more :D

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"Sawamura-kun, what do you want to be when you grow up?" The teacher asked and Daichi hopped up from his seat and ran to the front of the classroom.

In his hand was a cape, the infamous blue shade with the big S on top. Daichi proudly tied the fabric around his neck, with some help from the teacher of course, before saying, "I'm gonna be Superman when I grow up!"

"Superman? Why do you wanna be Superman, Sawamura?"

"Because I wanna help everyone!"

Of course, Daichi soon realized Superman was merely a fictional character, created to fuel the movie industry's white savior and to boost the economy. Superman wasn't real, but that didn't stop him from his dream.

He just didn't realize at the time, that it was harder than he thought it would be.

The first time he realized was when he was 8. He was standing next to his mom, an opened letter on the table and a piece of paper in her hand as his mother broke into wrenching sobs, crumbling onto the floor as she gripped her heart and wailed.

His father is never coming home, M.I.A. was what was written in the letter.. That's just a pretty word for "he's never coming back".

The soldier knelt down next to Daichi, looking at his mother, still sobbing uncontrollably on the floor as she clutched the metal tag close to her heart, and he ruffled Daichi's hair.

"You're the man in this house now."

The soldier soon left, leaving Daichi and his mother alone in the empty wooden house. his mother's tears didn't seem to plan on stopping, but the house was eerily silent. Daichi placed a hand on his mother's back, rubbing as his mother's tears continued to stream down his mother's face. Daichi could still remember her face that day. The way she heaved as she coughed, catching her breath before her lips quivered once again and fell into sobs, her eyes red and puffy from hours and hours of crying.

Daichi felt useless. There was a hole in his heart, not from the news, but from the fact he didn't do anything. Nothing. He couldn't do anything. How could he? He was only 8.

_Why can't I be the one who saves dad._

He was powerless. The world he held so tightly in his hands slipping away, like sand on a beach, the grains prickling his skin as they found escape through the gaps of his fingers. And he couldn't do anything about it but watch them slip through his fingers and fall on the beach without a sound.

The waves crash onto the shore, drawing the sand along, returning the grains back into the ocean. You can claw at the sand how you want, beg the gods of the sea to bring them back but the waves will still take them away.

And Daichi _despised_ that feeling.

The helplessness of not being in control.

It was on the news one day. A kid from his school took his life, their principal made an announcement at assembly in the following morning. Everyone was silent. The entire school gathered under the sun, standing in lines but no one dared to make a sound.

Daichi didn't know this kid. They weren't even in his year but somehow, he felt responsible. Like he was supposed to do something, something to elevate the pain enough for the kid to reconsider staying.

It haunted him, the feeling. He couldn't fall asleep that week, or it was waking up multiple times in the middle of the night. The guilt he carried for not saving someone he barely knew. Maybe he could've done something. He knew he shouldn't have felt this way, there was no reason to, but somehow it was eating him alive.

The world was scary, and cruel, filled with humanity's greed and sadness, haunting people like Daichi. Sometimes Daichi felt like he was crushed by all the deeds humanity has done. A mere mortal, a kid in high school.

He couldn't really explain it.

The next weekend he asked around the school and found where the kid lived, then bought a fruit basket from a hawker nearby and made his way to the family.

Daichi didn't know what to expect when he knocked on the door. His brain was going blank and his legs were shaking as he stared at the wooden door in front , words weren't forming when it opened.

He didn't even know the kid's name.

He ended up handing the fruit basket to the lady he assumed was the kid's mom, muttered an apology and ran. His heart was hammering against his chest, he could hear the blood thudding in his ears. It wasn't from the run, but rather from the guilt he was feeling.

So many people are suffering, dying every day. Pain is an emotion everyone experiences and Daichi hated that. No one should go through pain, whether it was a mere sting from a wound of a scraped knee to the heart-wrenching ache of losing a loved one.

Why can't he be the one to save them all? To rid the world of all the pain it experienced. He'd rather have himself carry all the burden, to carry a whole world's worth of pain than to see people suffer in front of his eyes.

So he joined the Self-Defense Force.

Maybe it was because some part of him wanted it to serve as a tribute to his father, a man filled with dignity but succumbed to the cruelty of mankind. Or maybe it was to fulfill his dream of becoming Superman as a kid. Or maybe, it was because of his unending desire to do something. To convince himself, at least he was saving someone.

With phenomenal leadership skills and ambition, he slowly climbed the ranks, becoming the commander of his unit when he was only 24.

But, battlefields are tough. You are facing death every step of the way, and you never know when a cannon flies over your head, lands on your base, and blows you and your unit into pieces.

Daichi still has nightmares till this day about them.

Until one day, the nightmares turned into reality.

It was a regular patrol, it has been oddly calm at the front lines for a few weeks, and Daichi honestly hoped it would remain calm for the remaining week, he can go home then. His cycle was up, he could finally go home.

They were taking a lunch break, shedding down all their gear when the enemy lines fired. Canon after canon, gunshot after gunshot, his troops were ambushed one by one.

No one had time to gear up or prepare themselves, except for Daichi, who was last on patrol and still had his gear.

He couldn't move. His legs were frozen beneath him as he could only watch his troops die before his eyes. Their hands grabbing at Daichi, their eyes filled with nothing but fear as they collapsed onto the ground. The screams of agony were deafening. Cries of help filled the entire area.

But Daichi couldn't save them.

How humiliating it was. To be the only one in full gear, witnessing his comrades fall into the hands of the enemy, under his command.

And all he did was yap about saving everyone, when he couldn't even save his own team. How pathetic.

The firing stopped, cannons have paused. Everything became silent once again. The smoke soon faded away and the distinct smell of smoke soon disappearing along with the wind, leaving Daichi alone.

He was still standing there, comprehending exactly what went down in those few minutes. He lost his friends, the friends he fought with. Their names circled in his mind, their faces, their voices, their _laughs_.

They'll never laugh again.

Sugawara Koushi would never be able to flash that million-dollar smile that brightens everyone's day. Azumane Asahi would never be able to freak out over a small bug but still be the best sniper in the team again. Nishinoya Yuu and Tanaka Ryuunosuke would never be able to prank their unit again. Ennoshita Chikara would never be able to yell at Nishinoya and Tanaka but always the first one there when they're injured again. Kinoshita Hisashi and Narita Kazuhito would never be able to become the best fighters they swore to be again. Hinata Shouyo and Kageyama Tobio will never be able to invent dumb ball games for them to play during breaks again. Tsukishima Kei and Yamaguchi Tadashi will never be able to write their songs and comfort the unit with their voices again.

All because Sawamura Daichi didn't save them.

He staggered towards the bodies, his feet heavy as he proceeded with the protocol. Check the pulse, check the time, take the dogtags, write the report and the letter.

He's going to write the letter that his mother got all those years ago.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." He muttered as he walked past his unit, tears pricking his eyes as he felt his knees give out and crash against the muddy floor, the blood of his troops staining the dark fabric.

He let out a scream, the kind that makes your entire body shake, the kind that leaves your throat hoarse and in pain afterwards, the kind that shows how much pain you're in.

The metal tags in his hands felt cold as he pressed them against his chest, not caring if the blood on them stained his shirt. He doubled over as he wailed, no one by his side to give him comfort, no more hope in his heart.

The weight on his shoulder grew heavier, the constant and painful reminder that he couldn't save everyone. Even the people closest to him, the people he called family. It was out of his control, whether he liked it or not.

_I can't save them. I couldn't save them. How many people died today. How many people cried because of some shit I could've helped them with. I couldn't save them. I could've, but I didn't. I couldn't save them because I'm selfish. I want to live yet I want others to live._

The thoughts in Daichi's head were suffocating him, tearing his soul apart as he pressed his hands into his eyes, as he let his brain take over. Eliminating any logic in his thoughts as he screamed and wailed, alone, on the battlefield.

He crumbled, from the pressure, or from the pain, no one knows. Maybe it was both at the same time. The other folks in the same base eventually came when none of them came back for lunch. They were shocked when they saw one of the strongest commanders on the floor, tears staining his face as his uniform stained with blood.

Daichi was eventually carried off the field, not even being able to support his own body as his comrades became smaller, and smaller until they eventually disappeared into the horizon.

He was never superman. And he never will be. There are lives he can't save and people he'll miss. Daichi is so caught up and obsessed with the thought he could be the one that saves the world, rid it of sadness, poverty, greed, sickness, evil.

He longed for the day where he could see the people around him happy, not drowned by the hurricane of thoughts that haunted them. He longed for the day where kids can smile say they are happy to live in this world. He longed for the day where he wouldn't see his loved ones suffering.

But those things will never be gone, history repeats itself, whether you like it or not, and you can't do anything about it. You can only lie on the floor, paralyzed with guilt as you watch the cruelty of mankind swallow up everything you once loved.

 **Alternate ending**  
Daichi still has nightmares till this day about them.

Until one day, the nightmares turned into reality.

It was a regular patrol, it has been oddly calm at the front lines for a few weeks, and Daichi honestly hoped it would remain calm for the remaining week, he can go home then. His cycle was up, he could finally go home.

Suga had his head in Daichi's lap with the latter's fingers fiddling with the hair, twirling the strands around his fingers as the man on his lap giggled.

"I'm gonna save everyone and marry you when we get home." Daichi smiled down at Suga, who returned with a blush on his cheeks and two hands covering his eyes.

Tanaka cringed at the couple from the side, he was supportive of them, just not of the PDA, reminding him of his girlfriend back home. "Get a room, lovebirds." The squad chuckled, preparing to pack up as their patrol shift ended.

The folks were about to take off when the familiar sound of gunshots rang out, followed by a rain of bullets, heading straight for the unguarded troops, no gears, no preparation.

"Get down!" Daichi ordered but it was too late, the rookies were the furthest out, the first line that got hit. Daichi could hear Hinata's yelp as well as Yamaguchi's wail as a few thuds hit the ground.

_They can still be alive if they get help now._

No one had their gear on. They were packing up, except for Daichi. I need to save everyone. In a matter of seconds, he unbuckled the vest on him and draped it over Suga, who returned with a horrified shock as he realized what's going to happen.

"Get them back to base, now."

"Wait Daichi, no-"

The commander stood up. If he's gonna save his team, he's doing it. The scenes of the Superman movie he was obsessed with as a kid appeared in his mind, Clark Kent standing up tall with his chest out and cape flying behind him, bullets hitting him but clanging onto the floor.

_He's going to be Superman._

He walked forward. The rain of bullets hit him. It hurts, badly. His skin feels like it's being torn apart, and he wanted to give up. Running back seemed like a perfect choice right now. But he knows he can't back away now.

Superman doesn't give up. Superman doesn't leave his friends for dead. Superman saves everyone.

Eventually the firing stopped, Daichi could feel blood gushing out of him like a waterfall. His knees gave out, his head dizzy from all the pain and probably the blood lost.

"Daichi! Daichi!" He managed to make out the owner of the voice, Suga. "Hey, baby, stay with me."

"It's okay...it's too late. I-is Hinata and Yamaguchi safe?" Daichi coughed, his vision was going and he could feel himself slipping into unconsciousness.

It wasn't painful anymore, he was more sleepy. He wanted to close his eyes, to take a nap. The drowsiness was unbearable, his eyelids heavy.

"Hey hey hey, Daichi stay with me." Suga was crying beside him, holding his hand as he looked down at his lover, almost lifeless. "They're safe, everyone's safe okay? I'm going to bring you back to the base, and we can go home and get married alright? That's what you dreamed about, right?"

Daichi let out a lazy smile. _They're safe._

"G..good, I saved everyone. I did it..." His eyes fluttered close, but just before his consciousness left him, he heard Suga,

"But you couldn't save yourself."


	31. 𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦 - 𝘴𝘢𝘬𝘶𝘢𝘵𝘴𝘶

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: sakuatsu | sakusa kiyoomi x miya atsumu  
> word count: 528  
> note: sakuatsu angst week day 1 (prompt: post-breakup au, "you can stop pretending now"  
> type: light angst

\------------------

Sakusa didn't even feel it. He wondered if there was something wrong with his mind, or his heart when all he could do was give a nod when the love of his life told him he's breaking up with him.

There wasn't dramatic sobbing or breaking down. There was no 'on-the-knees-begging' thing while everyone watched going on. It wasn't messy. It was unexpectedly fast.

He was home within an hour.

Sakusa sat down on his desk and pulled up his laptop. The wallpaper shone as he hit the power button. It was a selfie he took with Atsumu, back when they were still in high school. Sakusa himself had a scowl on his face but Atsumu had his lips on his cheek, which made a small blush brush across his cheeks. He loves the picture. It was cute.

That's inappropriate now.

He found a boring stock photo of a fox on Google and replaced the image, dumping the JPEG file into the trash bin. That took a minute.

His cousin texted him, asking how the meeting went. Right, he told him about meeting up with Atsumu to talk.

_To Komori Motoya:_

_It was okay. He broke up with me. I'm fine._

Sakusa set his phone down on the table, switching it off knowing his cousin would most definitely bombard him with questions. He said he was fine, there is no need for more questions.

He's fine.

He walked into his bedroom. It was weird. Everything reminded him of Atsumu. The jersey on the wall, the comic books he brought over but never took back. His hoodie still neatly folded at the corner of his bed. The bedsheets he chose when they went shopping because he hated Sakusa's silky sheets.

He took them off. He never liked them anyway, Atsumu was the one who liked them. So he took off the sheets and dug in the storage and found a brand new pack of silky bed sheets. He changed it, and sat on the bed.

It felt weird. Why. It shouldn't feel weird. He didn't like cotton sheets, he liked silky sheets. Why should this bother him?

He's fine.

His stomach growled in hunger, he hasn't eaten anything yet. And it was almost 6 PM. He opened the fridge only to find nothing but fatty tuna. There were a couple of fatty tuna onigiris left, alongside a bento box he made for him to take to work. It was a couple days old already. He should dump it out.

He opened the lid, a foul smell attacking him. He scrunched up his nose and dumped the entire thing in the trash before closing the lid.

He's fine.

Someone knocked on the door. Must be Atsu-

Sakusa froze in his step.

"Kiyoomi? You in there?" Sakusa couldn't talk. "Alright I'm coming in with the key." The door knob unlocked as Komori stepped into the apartment.

"You okay man?" His cousin asked, taking off his shoes at the entrance.

"I'm fine." He's fine.

"You can stop pretending now." A single tear rolled down Sakusa's cheek as more followed, his heart aching, an entire chunk of the organ missing.

He's not fine.

\------------------


	32. 𝘪'𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮 - 𝘴𝘢𝘬𝘶𝘢𝘵𝘴𝘶

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: sakuatsu | sakusa kiyoomi x miya atsumu  
> word count: 868  
> note: sakuatsu angst week day 2 (prompt: soulmate au + unrequited love + "you can love him. i'll never be him")  
> type: angst

**a/n: please read the iwaoi one titled "it was always you" cause this soulmate au is based off that! if you don't read that, this soulmate thing isnt gonna make a whole lotta sense-**

\------------------

People often describe Atsumu as a person who is easily jealous. And he is, he won't deny it. His lips easily fall into a frown when Osamu gets the compliment, or when the opposing team wins the match and gets congratulated by the roaring crowd in the stands.

But those weren't important. There was one thing Miya Atsumu was most jealous of. Hinata Shoyo.

He can't stand the way Hinata talks to Sakusa, or how he was the only one who can make the dark-haired man smile like a teenage kid, or how Sakusa always welcomed Hinata with a smile. Or how Sakusa hugs him with his arms around his waist, his fingers clutching the jersey as the younger boy was lifted into the air in a fit of giggles. Or how Sakusa's hand laces perfectly with Hinata's, their hands swinging back and forth as the team went out and grabbed dinner after practice.

While his own hand turns grey and slowly cracks. Volleyball became painful now. Physically and mentally. He couldn't even touch a ball without wincing in pain, the cracks in his fingers stinging so bad he could see stars. Every sting felt like a stab to the heart, a reminder of how he can never have and be with his soulmate.

Before the cracks spreaded to his hands, he would purposely set bad ones to Hinata, hoping he would fail and Sakusa would finally ditch him once and for all. But the only thing that happened was a lecture from the coach and a glare from the outside hitter.

He stopped of course, tossing bad sets to Hinata because of his jealousy. He chose not to toss to him at all, just ignoring his calls or his "Atsumu-san!" and instead doing dumps or sending it to others.

Atsumu eventually quit the team when it became too much for him. He didn't want to, but he couldn't do anything but quit when his heart felt like it was going to fallapart every time he laid eyes on Sakusa, or even when he smells that sweet cologne he wears.

It's just a painful reminder that he can, and will never have him.

He still visited practices, soulmate or not, volleyball was still his passion. He finally understood what Sakusa saw in Hinata. From the beaming smile he has on at any second of the day, to how he literally shines on the court. Or how he jumps when he's excited and he recalls whatever event he was talking about to sound effects and exaggerated hand gestures, or to how he pats his teammates on the back when they messed up a receive or a block.

Atsumu could never be that.

Sakusa and Hinata were made to be together. The yin to their yang. The bitterness in the coffee but the sweetness in the milk. The sun that shines bright in the day but the moon that takes over the night. They balance each other perfectly.

Atsumu could never be that.

He stopped visiting practices. Walking was getting hard for him when the cracks started spreading to his legs. Once were his muscular legs faded into grey, cracks covering the entire surface.

He's dying.

Every movement hurts, forcing him to be bed-bound for most of the day, Osamu was there to take care of him but Kita came in and helped when his brother was busy.

Atsumu often found his mind wandering back to when the cracks were still manageable, when Sakusa had not dated Hinata Shoyo.

It was cruel of the world to have Sakusa as his soulmate, when it is obvious Sakusa and Hinata were each other's. Atsumu could remember the day when the cracks on Sakusa's forearm started to fade away and the grey patches turned back to his skin color.

He asked what happened, and the outside hitter just smiled and showed him his laced fingers with Hinata.

That was all Atsumu needed to feel his skin crack even more. It was right on his heart, a star crack smack dab at his chest, like a small rock thrown against a glass, shattering the material.

Atsumu smiled and congratulated them.

Osamu came back with some food, soup to be exact. His mouth was too painful to chew anything, liquids were the only thing he could manage without wincing from pain.

The doorbell rang, and his twin set down the bowl and headed towards the door. "Oh, hey Sakusa."

Sakusa.

There were mumbles he couldn't hear, but soon two sets of footsteps made his way to his room. He sighed, mentally preparing himself for what was to come.

"Hey Tsumu."

"Hey Sakusa."

"You never call me Omi-kun anymore."

Atsumu chuckled. "Yeah, I guess it lost its ring."

"Who is it?" Atsumu fell silent. He didn't want to answer, it was going to ruin everything. The least he could do was ensure Sakusa was happy.

"Tell me." Atsumu felt a tear fall from his eye.

"It's you." He said, staring straight at his ceiling, he didn't know what would happen if he looked at Sakusa. "It's you, Omi-kun."

It was Sakusa's turn to fall silent.

"It's okay. You love him. I can never be him."

\------------------


	33. 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘯 - 𝘴𝘢𝘬𝘶𝘢𝘵𝘴𝘶

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters/ship: sakuatsu | sakusa kiyoomi x miya atsumu  
> word count: 1916  
> note: sakuatsu angst week day 3 + 4 (prompt: reincarnation au + roses + "maybe tomorrow. maybe in another life" + royalty au)  
> type: angst

\------------------

 **Medieval Period**  
Death was a big thing in the kingdom. Events that last for days and ceremonies for the deceased. Black and green streamers hug from the shops and houses. Kids running through the streets cheering as flower shops put out their black and green roses.

Atsumu asked his mother when he was young, why were people happy when someone they loved passed away. Atsumu's mother simply pulled a book from the bookcase and flipped to a page, sat her son down beside him, and told him the tales.

The kingdom believed in reincarnation. The soul will travel through time and arrive at another land, at another time. Black and green roses buried with the body to symbolize a new era and positivity in the future.

You can only be granted another life when you are buried with the roses, as they will bless your soul and lead it to your other life. Without them, you'll be lost, wandering until you disappear into thin air.

The boy kicked the small rock in his path, the pebble bouncing forward on the stone ground before stopping in its track. He picked up the smooth rock and ran to the castle.

He climbed the familiar tree, left foot up, and then his right on the branch. Atsumu knocked on the window and smiled as his lover looked up from his book.

"Tsumu!" Sakusa whispered, running towards the window and opening it, and kissed the boy on his lips. It was short and sweet, quiet even, before they pulled away.

"What are you doing here?" Sakusa stepped back so Atsumu could climb through the window. "I thought you needed to help your mother at the store!"

"And I thought you had ceremonies to attend, for your mother." Atsumu grinned as he stepped inside the prince's room. "I'm sorry 'bout your mother Omi... I knew you two were really close..."

"It's okay, she's going to another life." Sakusa closed the window, not before checking if anyone followed or saw his boyfriend climb up the tree.

"I'm gonna apply to the palace once I turn 18, Omi." Atsumu fell onto the soft mattress and gazed up at the ceiling. "Then I won't have to walk forever and climb a tree to see my boyfriend."

Sakusa blushed at the pet name, even though they've been together for almost 2 years. For two years, they met up in secret. Late-night rendezvous and sneaking up trees, running away from guards, hand-in-hand giggling as they run in narrow spots, bodies pressed close together as footsteps hurried past them.

Sakusa wouldn't have it any other way.

"What are you going to apply for?"

"Maybe a cook, I don't know. Or a mail-boy, and I can write letters to you so I could deliver them to you myself." Atsumu smiled, patting the space on the bed beside him to let Sakusa lie beside him.

Atsumu rolled on top of Sakusa, smiling down at the boy beneath him before peppering his face in kisses.

"Tsumu! You're all dirty!" Sakusa squealed under him, squirming but still not able to escape Atsumu's kisses, eventually giving up and succumbing to the kiss attacks.

Atsumu stopped for a second, beamed a smile before reconnecting their lips, this time much slower, taking his sweet time as he took Sakusa's bottom lip and slightly nibbled on it, causing Sakusa to make a small noise.

But with a series of knocks, Atsumu scrambled off the bed and hid under it, having been there too many times to be able to do so within seconds.

"Father!" Sakusa cheered, opening the door.

"Hey Kiyoomi, I heard some ruckus here, so I just wanted to see if everything was alright."

"I'm good, father! I just dropped some books, that's all." Atsumu had to stifle a laugh because of the fake voice Sakusa puts on for his parents. The posh and respectful language that he definitely did not use around him.

"Not seeing anyone behind my back?" His father teased. "You're turning 18 soon, we will find you a nice wife and you can focus on practicing law so you can rule the kingdom when your old man dies alright?"

Atsumu couldn't hear what Sakusa said but he just assumed he nodded.

"Wait...Kiyoomi, whose clothes are those on the floor?" _Shit_.

"U-uh those are mine, father!" Sakusa rushed in, "I knocked the clothes over when I dropped the books."

He could see his clothes being picked up from the ground. "No...These are peasant clothes Kiyoomi, is there something you aren't telling me?"

"The laundry boys must've mixed mine up with theirs, I'll send them down later!" Sakusa chuckled awkwardly, snatching the clothes out of his father's hand and kicking them under the bed.

There was more commotion but Atsumu couldn't see much without being caught, but the door finally closed after a while and Atsumu crawled out of the bed when the footsteps soon faded away.

"I gotta head to the reincarnation ceremony Tsumu... Or my father is going to bite my head off again, and I'll have to become king once he dies, and that's not long now." Sakusa said, his hand lingering on Atsumu's fingers.

"It's okay, have fun! Love you Omi!" Atsumu quickly gave a kiss to Sakusa before opening the window and climbing down the tree again, standing there for a bit to wait for Sakusa to wave him goodbye and run off into town.

Sometimes Atsumu felt like Romeo from one of the books his mother forced him to read. And Sakusa is Juliet. He giggled at the thought.

A few weeks passed and Atsumu had finally turned 18, making him eligible to apply for jobs at the palace. He wore his best outfit, stealing clothes from his father's closet and taking his twin brother's less-worn-out shoes before heading out the door, yelling goodbye to his mother who was cooking in the kitchen.

There was a skip in his step, his heart pounding wildly as he imagined his future, sneaking off to the prince's bedroom, kissing him while the moonlight shone through the window and sneaking out from the creaky door and running back to where he lived.

He knocked on the big doors, and was ushered to one of the meeting halls they had in the castle.

Atsumu ended up being a mail-boy, organizing the letters sent to the castle, grouping them and sending them to their respective owners.

He had been working for a while now, sneaking handwritten love letters to Sakusa in the pile of letters he has, drawing a small heart in the corner to mark it as his.

Today was not out of the ordinary. Atsumu slipped the letter into the pile, before making his way up the stairs and to Sakusa's bedroom.

"Who is it?" That wasn't Sakusa's voice.

"It's the mail boy, sir! Prince Sakusa has mail, sir!"

"Come in!" He opened the door, only to find his boyfriend with another lady, who looked around his age, talking and drinking tea, while his father stood at the side.

"Just leave the letter by the cabinet." Sakusa said, giving a small wink to Atsumu and returning to the conversation before his father gets suspicious.

"No, no. Let's read them together, you have been secretive again, Kiyoomi."

Atsumu's face went pale. The content in the letter was only for Sakusa, let alone the fucking King who was sitting in the room. But there were a lot in the pile, surely his letter won't get chosen, right?

The blond closed the door but stayed outside, pressing his ear against the wooden door to hear whatever they were talking about. There were letters about politics, another from a citizen thanking him for picking up his apples the other day. _Okay, I'm safe._

"Ooh, a heart! Is this a secret admirer?" Atsumu could hear his heart race, the blood thudding in his ears as he debated whether to run for his life or stay and see what happens.

He decided on the latter. And he will regret it for the rest of his life.

"Father, please no. That must be a mistake." He could hear Sakusa.

"It's titled with your name, c'mon son, let's open it." And Atsumu could hear paper ripping.

The silence was unbearable. Then it was broken with a loud slap.

"Who wrote this." Atsumu heard the king yell. "Tell me now!"

"I'm not telling you!" Another slap.

"You better tell me this instant before I rip you away from your heir rights and exile you right here."

 _Please, please, please, please don't_. "Miya. Miya Atsumu. I'm sorry father."

Atsumu ran as fast as his legs could take him, hiding in secluded places in the castle only to be caught two days later by one of the guards in the cupboard under the staircase.

"Kid, according to kingdom laws you have to be executed for committing homosexuality as well as harrassing the prince." The guard spat on his face, kicking him in the guts as he tied the rope around his wrists. "What a shame."

He was brought to the plaza the next morning. Atsumu could see his family below, hoods around their heads as they would most definitely get harrassed if someone knew they were Atsumu's family. Osamu had a sad smile.

"Father, I'm begging you, please, don't kill him. He didn't do anything wrong, please. I'll not talk to him again, I'll marry the nice lady, please father, just spare his life." Sakusa was on his knees, hugging his father's legs as he wept by his side.

Atsumu was dragged to the guillotiné, his head placed right in the semi-circle as a basket laid in front of him. He gulped. This is it. His life was over. He doesn't even get to have the reincarnation ceremony, no black or green roses to bless and guide him to his other life.

Simply because he fell in love with the prince.

"Any last words?" The servant by the string said, his hands holding the string, ready to release the blade.

"Tsumu..." He can hear Sakusa say. He twisted his head, just enough for him to glance at the prince.

"I'll find you okay?"

"When?" Sakusa sobbed before turning to the king. "Your majesty, please, he's only 18! Let him live! Or at least let him have a proper burial! For his other life!" Sakusa ran over and shoved a prickly object into his pocket.

The king dragged his son back and nodded to the servant.

"Maybe tomorrow, maybe another lifetime." He smiled, his leg pressed against the prickly stem in the pocket.

"I love you Omi." He added and the last thing he heard before everything went black was Sakusa's scream.

 **Modern Day, Tokyo**  
"Ahhh Samu! I don't want to go without you!" Atsumu whined, sitting at the step of his house. "Training is boring!"

"You have to go, you big idiot. Might finally make some friends for fuck's sake." Osamu groaned, pushing his brother out of the door. "Alright, good luck, I won't miss you."

And the door slammed shut.

The highschooler huffed as he made his way to the gymnasium. He pushed the door open, only to find a somewhat familiar figure, standing in the middle of the court. His green tracksuit sparking something in his mind as he glanced down as his black one.

A name he hadn't heard of popped in his mind.

"Omi...?"

"Tsumu?"

\------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: if you didn't understand, sakusa shoved two roses into tsumu's pocket before he was executed! hence he was buried with a black and a green rose which allowed him to be reincarnated :D


End file.
